Love At First JDate: The Perfect Message

by JenG under Online Dating

Online dating would be much better if people just started chatting with each other like they were talking in real life. Eliminating the creepy or the overly flirtatious first messages and replaced them with something respectable and conversational.

I hope you wouldn’t walk up to someone at a bar and give them a wink face or compliment their looks, before even saying hello or introducing yourself. Treat your online dating messages in the same fashion, please.

  • Do: Make the person feel special. Spend the same amount of time (or more) that you’re allocating to browsing their photos to read their profile. Find out their interests and what it is that makes them stand out. If you sprinkle that throughout the message, the person will be more inclined to respond and give your profile a read.
  • Don’t: 1) Copy a message you sent to one person, and then paste it into an email for several others. This shows you’re mass messaging people on the site and no one wants to be another victim of your messaging spree. People want to feel special.  2) Send a one-word email. It’s hard to start off a conversation that way and shows that you didn’t take the time to read their “About Me” section.  3) Be negative. Telling the person you’re not a fan of online dating and your mom is forcing you to be on the site can make them feel bad about this process and also your intentions. Don’t start off a message in a way that makes them feel like you are forcing yourself to chat with them or take this process seriously.

Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.


Tips for Writing that 1st Email

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

The 1st email you send once you see someone you like on JDate is quite daunting. How do you start the email? How do you end it? How much do you say about yourself? How much do you say about the other person? How do you stand apart from the rest?

Tip #1 Draft your email in a word document first

Not everyone is a natural-born writer. It’s not always easy to string together a few coherent sentences, especially when you’re both talking about yourself and flattering the other person. By drafting your email in a word doc first you will catch typos and be able to read back over and over until you feel comfortable. Additionally, if you like your opening and closing sentences then you can save each email with the name of the person you sent it to and revise the middle sentences accordingly.

Tip #2 Mention a couple unique items about the prospect

Prove to the person that you read their profile by commenting on one thing specific about their physical features which caught your eye (their “sparkling green eyes”) for example and one specific item from their “About Me” which made you interested enough to send an email. You do not need to make a laundry list of things you have in common. Not only will the prospect look at your profile and see those commonalities, but there’s a reason JDate matched you — there’s an algorithm involved.

Tip #3 Ask a question to illicit a response

Saying you find the person attractive and smart doesn’t give the prospect a reason to respond. Asking if he or she has ever been to ______________ (somewhere you would probably have in common) or if he or she has seen _______________ (a common favorite band you both like) live gives the person a reason to click “reply.”

Tip #4 Keep it short and sweet

More is not always better. You don’t want to come off as overeager because you wrote a dissertation-length email but you don’t want to come off as a lazy copy-and-paster who clearly writes each person the same email. About 5 lines is good.

Tip #5

Once you have a reply, then you yourself need to send a 2nd email within 48 hours. This time, ask your prospect if he or she wants to meet for a meal/drink/activity and then either include your phone number or ask for theirs. If you get their number then call to make the plans within 48 hours.

Tip #6 Move on.

If you don’t receive a response to your 1st email then let it go. The person may not have a paid JDate account and therefore can’t access their inbox or they aren’t interested. Move on. If you don’t receive a response to your 2nd email within 4 days, then follow up with 1 more email mentioning something fun that is going on within the next week and asking if he or she would like to join you. Then don’t contact them again. Take the hint and move on.

Sample letter:

Hi PrettyJew4U,

My name is Jacob and I also live in Santa Monica. Your profile caught my eye because your bright smile brought a smile to my face when I saw your photo. Then once I started reading your profile I realized how much we have common! JiRaffe is one of my favorite restaurants too — surprised we’ve never bumped into each other there. Are you going to the LA Foodie event this weekend?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Jacob


Love at First JDate: Not All Messages Are Created Equally

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Back in the day, when it was more standard to receive letters in the mail, I used to go bonkers at the site of an envelope addressed to me, decorated with carefully placed postage and saliva-sealed edges. Through the years, that excitement carried on through the finger-print stained notes I’d get passed during class, “You’ve got mail” notifications for new emails (minus, I will add, work emails), and now JDate messages.

The prospective “what-if” that dazzles my imagination when I see the flicker of having a new message lying idly in my JDate inbox is enough to make online dating become an obsession — or at least a mid-afternoon pick-me up!

But not all JDate messages are created equally. Some are laced with time consuming references that some charmer took from my profile in order to prove to me they took the time to “learn more about me” and to critique me, past my selection of selfie-posted pictures. And some, the ones I normally don’t reply to and instantly press delete on, are practically blank messages, one worded, or the absolute worst, contain a scrambled together use of punctuation resulting in a ; ) symbol.

Do: When you’ve landed on someone’s profile who makes you sneak a smile, and while dabbling through their “details” your heart flutters, and your mind travels to frank possibilities of a future with them, or more simply put, a first date—send them a message! Send them a message that has personality, one that uses a variety of punctuation, admiration, and thought. Tell them about something on their page that made you pause and become momentarily intrigued. (This “Do” is also for all my single ladies. It’s acceptable and impressive for you to send a guy that makes your heart wiggle a message. Don’t play hard to get, play go out and get them.)

Don’t: Don’t start and end a message with only three letters: “Hey.” If you’re going to take a humorous or cliché route, like a recent message I received that said the following, “Judging your book by its cover, I’d love to curl up and read the rest,” include more context and more details that begin a fluid conversation (including your name). I would like to be able to respond and not be utterly creeped out.