Age Before Beauty?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I just turned 79. I really look 69. I wrote 75 in my profile and found somebody who was exactly was I was looking for! He is 77 but when I gave him my email he wrote that I was deceiving him because he found out my real age and then he stopped all communication. If I put 79 in my profile I get all 80 year olds and up. I have nothing to do with that age range. I am very active and relate more to younger people and they respond to me. I am ready to give up my search. I have no hope. What can I do?

Dear Age Before Beauty?,

The guy doesn’t sound very nice. In fact, I’m appalled by his behavior. No offense, but at 77 can he really afford to be so strict? He obviously thinks that age is more than a number whereas you believe that it’s nothing but a number. He’s not your Beshert. Forget about this guy and move on.  You’re young at heart and that’s what matters! I don’t think a little white lie of 4 years is such a big deal and it’s not like you’re not going to admit your real age, right? Since you’re an active senior, be active on JDate as well. That means you need to seek out the guys that fit your preferences — age, activities, location, hobbies and so on. Then go ahead and write them an email and let them know exactly what you told me — that you’re 79 but look and act more like 69 and are not interested in men older than you. On the same note — don’t discount 80-year-olds, they could be just as young-looking and active as you!

Never Too Late for JDate

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

How realistic is JDate for a widow aged 68? Reading that a 5% response rate is not bad in general, how does this hold up for a woman of my age? It’s hard not to be discouraged because no one has expressed any interest in me but it would help to understand the odds better. I know there are enough men over 60, but how many of them will even consider a same aged woman?

Dear Never Too Late for JDate,

In general, the odds may seem to be against you as women outlive men. But don’t let that get you down. Instead, use JDate to your advantage by expanding on the possibilities of meeting an older man, a younger man, or even a man who lives in another city. Play around with your preferences and by that I mean make them as wide and broad as possible. Don’t limit yourself (okay, well, limit yourself to a point, but be flexible). Even if your hobbies and interests don’t overlap, don’t count the guy out — you may still enjoy his company! A minimum age range is understandable, but there are plenty of youthful and active 75-year-old men out there so don’t count those guys out! In addition, don’t forget to get involved in activities in your community because the same guy who may have overlooked you on JDate may see something he missed when he sees you in person.

Pep In My Step

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am 70 years young, full of pep and in excellent health. I feel like I’m 40! But that seems to limit my dating partners. The people I’ve noticed on JDate are old enough to be my mother and I’m not looking for that. I was 12 years older than my wife until she passed away but I don’t know if I will ever have any chance of meeting someone 12 years younger at this point.

Dear Pep in my Step,

I believe age is a state of mind and that is what obviously keeps you young at heart. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to judge a book by its cover. Some of the women your age may be just as young at heart as you are but you need to give them a chance in order to figure that out. At the same time, I think it’s quite realistic for you to have an age range preference as young as 55 and as high as 75. Your active lifestyle needs to be expressed obviously yet eloquently in your profile — you don’t want to come off as egotistical but you also want to be clear that you want someone just as active as you are. An active older gentleman such as you is a hot commodity, and I don’t think you’ll have any problems. Just be open to giving women a chance no matter how old they are or how old they look. Good Luck!

Older & Active

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I am a healthy 77-year-old divorced dentist.  I’m looking for a nice Jewish lady who is into the outdoors and would enjoy some (limited) hiking, camping, fishing and skiing.  It seems like most Jewish women are not into those activities.  On the offish chance I do find someone that enjoys these activities, she is usually in her late 50’s or early 60’s but they  don’t want to go out with me because they say the age difference is too great.  So what am I supposed to do, lie about my age?  What do you suggest?

Dear Older & Active,

Your letter made me laugh, not because it’s an odd question but because I’m one of those women who’s not into the whole camping and fishing thing. But the good news is that I know a lot of women who are! I’m not sure how many of them are in your age range, but I’m positive there are some out there.  My advice would be to broaden your area as wide as possible –160 miles from your zip code. In addition, broaden your age range as far as you think is realistic – maybe 62 to 80? Next, be as flexible as possible regarding denomination, marital status, education and height. I say this not only because of your age but because you feel so strongly about an outdoorsy woman that the other stuff shouldn’t really matter. Don’t lie about your age, but you should make it clear in your profile that you’re young at heart, active and looking for someone to enjoy the great outdoors with.

The great thing about JDate is you can use the “Search” function to do a keyword search to find the women in your area and surrounding areas who enjoy the same things as you. Don’t type more than one or two keywords at a time or you’ll eliminate a lot of great prospects. Lastly, be open to introducing your hobbies to a woman who may enjoy skiing but has never been fishing and would be willing to sit in the boat with you, or a woman who enjoys a day hike but doesn’t ski and is willing to try the bunny slope or sit by a fire in the cabin. And make sure you’re willing to try new things, as well! Good luck!

83 Years Young

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I am a widow, 83 years old, slender, active, attractive and independent.  I am sad because I lost the love of my life and fear I will never find anyone else who is open to pursuing the art of love and living as much as I do. I am uncomfortable telling my age, except to my doctor and other confidants, because I believe there is such a stigma attached to this number.  Any advice?

Dear 83 Years Young,

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read your email. My Grandmother, who is 81, tells people she is 36, not because she expects them to believe her (although she does look amazing), but because to her age is a state of mind and saying she’s 36 keeps her feeling young and healthy. At the same time though, once my Grandmother had her 80th birthday she began telling people her real age because she was proud of it and knew she looked darn good! So I see it both ways. Since you’re looking for people around your same age to spend the rest of your life with, “pursuing the art of love and living,” I don’t think JDate is the place to be lying about your age. Embrace it and you will attract men who are also active and independent. Make sure your age range preference shows what ages you’d be realistically interested in meeting and do your homework as well — use the search function to find men around your age who have similar interests. Good Luck!

Friend or Foe

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate

Dear Tamar,

I met a senior citizen on JDate 4 yrs ago — I am also a senior. We see each other 3 times a week, speak to each other a few times every day and share things with each other. He just sent me a birthday card expressing what a wonderful friend I am and how invaluable I am in his life. According to him, there is nothing in life to be valued like a friend. Every time I hear that word I cringe.  Am I wrong?

Dear Friend or Foe,

Are you wrong? In a word, NO. But unfortunately it’s not so simple. Four years is a long time to be spending with someone, whether you’re in your late-30’s and your biological clock is ticking or a septuagenarian and that “other” clock is ticking — why waste precious time with someone if they don’t like you as more than a friend? Go ahead and cringe, I understand.

If the card is the only thing that concerns you, then simply mention it to him or leave it be. But if there are many more signs where that came from, than do yourself a favor and reactivate your JDate membership. Are you looking to get married again or for companionship which includes moving in together? Because after 4 years one of those options should be in progress by now. Regardless of what you want from him or what you expect from him, after 4 years you deserve an explanation.

Senior Dating

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear GemsfromJen,
I am 60 years old and I am considered highly attractive and fit (not petite, but muscular).  I am educated, well-traveled, accomplished both in business and the kitchen and consider myself loving, kind & very funny. Ego is NOT the issue! I am strong minded & well read and will tell you my opinion (usually fact based) if asked.  Am I just too old? My children are grown, married, launched, I have a grandchild – and NO PETS-what’s wrong????

Dear Senior Dating,

You sound like a great catch! I’m not even sure what your question is, but my best guess is you are not getting responses from the people on JDate you are interested in meeting.

You are not too old, not even close.  Get that thought out of your mind. Negative thinking is no way to start a search for a potential mate. There are many singles in your age-range looking to meet and date someone like yourself. Perhaps you possess qualities that appear too good to be true.  Maybe try toning it down just a bit and see what happens. There are people out there who can become intimidated by someone as secure with themselves as you appear to be. You sound like you can do it all, so perhaps add to your profile that you are searching for someone to compliment who you are. No one wants to take a back seat so make it very clear you are looking for an equal in a partner.

You sound like you have a lot going for you. Stay strong and keep up the search!

Gems from Jen

Is he in this 100% ?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,
I have been dating someone I met on JDate for 2-l/2 yrs. and even though he does not access the site he refuses to remove his profile. We argued about this until I gave him an ultimatum.  His answer was ‘If I do not access the site what difference does it make?’  By the way, we are two very senior citizens and this is the only thing we do not agree on. Your view.
Dear Profile Remover,
My View:
Either you are exclusive or you are not. I’m confused about his refusal to remove his profile. Two and a half years is a very long time to be dating someone, and his refusal to remove his profile leaves me wondering about his true intentions. Your job is to protect yourself and make sure you can trust him completely. I’m not sure what your ultimatum was, but I hope you made it very clear that it is not acceptable to be in an exclusive relationship with someone who is keeping a potential option open. Do yourself a favor and make it crystal clear that you are in an exclusive relationship and having a profile, whether active or not, makes you feel as if he is not committing to you completely. If he still refuses to remove his profile I would think long and hard about the reasons as to why he is unwilling to be in the relationship one hundred percent. Remember, do not settle for anything less than you deserve.
Gems from Jen