The First Datebate

by Adam under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

What is a first date?

This is a question that has left online dating experts puzzled, the reason for 7 seasons of “Sex and the City” and the question I asked my mom when she discussed dating on the dinner table for the first time.

It was a conversation I recently had with a friend of mine. She is a beautiful, brunette Jewish girl who has been in her fair share of relationships and had her fair share of first dates. Her idea of a first date, she said, was a nice dinner and a bar after.

“Isn’t that setting expectations a little high?” I asked. “Wouldn’t a coffee date suffice, then you can move on to something better once you’ve gotten the initial jitters out of the way?”

She felt that if you’ve been talking, whether online or in-person, a dinner date was best. Her reasoning was that if she wasn’t comfortable with that person in an “intimate” setting, where pressure runs high, what kind of comfort level would you have with that person in a relationship?

I responded: I guess it’s easier for a sloppy make-out session after a nice bottle of wine as we wait for valet parking, than after a chai latte from Starbucks. To add, if I’m totally repulsed by the girl, I can always leave my coffee, as I make a beeline to the bar one street over. Plus, why add that unnecessary tension for a first meeting brought upon by a nice dinner, and what do you do for an encore?

She said another dinner date and a movie maybe… but then doesn’t it get repetitive? “Oh, another dinner date with Adam… how routine.” Routine is for married couples with kids, not two people trying to get to know each other. Shouldn’t you vary your dates at first?

I’ll leave this up to you. Let me know what your idea of the perfect first date is on Twitter @adamrosenfield or by email at

Everything I Learned in Life I Learned from Carrie Bradshaw

by Adam under Relationships

For my first post on JDate, I was struggling with what to write and how to write it. I’m not a serial dater (a JDate “veteran”), but I’m not exactly Tim Tebow either. I’m a regular guy who enjoys the normal guy stuff in the fall (AKA I’m glued to the TV watching football from 9 am Saturday morning to 10 pm Sunday night), all the while keeping a steady balance on my computer between the large meat-filled pizzas I ordered from Papa Johns and checking the progress of my 2-3 fantasy leagues that take up much of my production during the 40-hour work week.

However, I’m not a normal guy in that I picked up a small habit that continues to show itself at moments of my occasional boredom with sports – I watch Sex and the City.

I don’t know what brings me to it. Is it the allure of one day being Mr. Big – a big, successful Wall Street financier living in the middle of New York City and having the world (and Carrie Bradshaw) at your fingertips? Or is it Carrie Bradshaw – a sex and relationships columnist who has really helped me to understand the difference between Jimmy Choo and Louis Vuitton?

While the show slightly exaggerates the world of dating, and focuses a little too much on high fashion for my taste (I do not think I’ve seen one of the women wear an actual t-shirt during an episode) I’ve managed to pick up life lessons from Carrie, a woman who while she needs material for her column (as I need material for my blog), struggles to maintain that need for stories with the idea of being in a relationship, as she moves through various men like Aidan, Jack, and Alexander but ultimately quests for that Heisman-Trophy-kind-of-a-man: Mr. Big. Since I’m not much of a math guy (there goes that Jewish stereotype), am I destined for the life of Carrie Bradshaw?