“How about my place?” always only means one thing – wanna have sex? And if you don’t want to have sex, then don’t accept the offer to go upstairs. It’s a difficult question to answer because you want to spend more time with your date and yeah, you probably do want to make-out a bit, but if you say yes to going home together then you will only have to reject your date later when you’re rounding 1st (or 2nd) base and you suddenly feel uncomfortable.
But rejecting the offer for a nightcap, or even just “hanging out”, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. In fact, it probably means your date may just want to hook up and doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere. This isn’t always the case, there are exceptions to everything, but 9 times out of 10 it will only lead one place: sex.
If you want to have sex then great, but if you’re expecting a phone call the next day… don’t hold your breath. And if you reject the offer to go home with your date and are expecting a phone call the next day… don’t hold your breath. Bottom line, this is not the right person for you if you are looking for something serious. Better (and less awkward) to reject the offer to go home together then to have to wait and reject the offer for sex once your shirt is halfway off.
Do you follow the 3rd date rule? You know, the one where you have sex if/when the 3rd date is successful? Why the 3rd date? Well, most dates end after the 1st date. Most people will tell you they have gone on dozens of 1st dates but just a few 2nd dates. Following that pattern, it would take a lot of promise to reach the 3rd date. And if that is successful, well then, the pressure is on to consummate the relationship.
It doesn’t matter your age or sexual experience – DO NOT feel obligated to have sex just because you reached the 3rd date. It may be a good idea to not have sex until then, but a certain number of dates does not sex make. If you like the person and are hoping for it to turn into something serious then it would be smart to wait until after you’ve had “The Talk” and are fully committed before having sex (which could then possibly be referred to as “making love”). If you know the date isn’t going to turn into anything, but there is mad chemistry, well, it’s your decision to make about whether or not you want to make whoopie. Be smart – and safe – about your choice.
Now that we’ve accomplished that (almost) everyone on JDate has already had sex, let’s talk about sex baby. You can probably make assumptions about the amount of sexual experience someone has had, but you know what they say what happens when you assume – you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Just because someone has all the right moves and knows what you like doesn’t mean that he or she was promiscuous before meeting you. Just because someone is an awful kisser and an awkward lover doesn’t mean that he or she was a prude before meeting you either. Don’t worry about what your partner did or didn’t do B.Y. (before you), concentrate on your chemistry together and on the experiences you will create together. If you spend your time pondering too much about where your date has been B.Y., it means you’re not spending enough time wondering about where the date could lead.
B.Y. is none of your business. It does not matter. Accept your date for who they are and move on. If you can’t, then that person isn’t right for you. You need to find that someone who you can accept without doubt because you want to be with them more than you want to know about their past.
We can assume that the majority of JDaters are not virgins (seeing that there is everyone from college students in their 20s, to professionals in their 30s, to divorcees in their 40s, to widows in their 50s plus plenty of people in their 60s, 70s and even 80s) which means that most JDaters have had sex! Yes, it’s true, you will more than likely not be your partner’s first. Deal with it. But you need to decide what you want to know. Are you interested in sharing the number of partners you’ve each had? How do you want to use that information? Is there a “good” number? How will you feel if your number is higher or lower than your partner’s? Will you be able to accept the number? Ask yourself these questions before asking your partner their number. If you still want to know your partner’s number, then you’re a glutton for punishment and don’t be surprised when the relationship meets an early demise. Nothing good will come out of sharing sex stories from your past, so don’t do it. Accept that everyone has a past, including yourself, and focus on the future instead.
New relationships start off hot ‘n’ heavy… and then real life sets in. Stress, school, work, family, friends, sleep and so on get in the way of heavy petting. People who spend a lot of time together and are emotionally involved tend to argue and as much as people like to say that the best part of “breaking up” is the making up, most couples try to avoid breaking up as a means to getting busy in the sack. Still, your love life is going to stabilize whether you like it or not. Life is not the movies where people have sex and then roll over and go to sleep each night. Nor do people wake up and have sex every morning before even brushing their teeth! You will go to bed at different times, wake up at different times, and be in the mood at different times. You will go from getting down n dirty on a regular basis to finding yourselves going a week… or two… or more before you even realize you haven’t done the deed. Not to fret. This is normal. This does not necessarily mean it’s time to break up. You just need to give your relationship some much needed attention. You may have lost that lovin’ feeling, but you can find it. It’s not gone, it’s just waiting to be rediscovered.