The Case For Valentine’s Day as a National Holiday

by Adam under JBloggers,JDate

If you check Twitter, Facebook, your email, a dating site, an adult film store, or your local big box retailer, you’ll find aisles upon aisles dedicated to Valentine’s Day goodness. It’s a big deal, and great for the service industry (as you can take our your misery or happiness on happy hour)!

Why is Valentine’s Day so important? Why is there one day focused on showing affection to your spouse, or picking up another single person at the local “Stoplight” party? Why is Target only selling pink, red and white M&Ms? Did Kobe and Shaq kiss and make up two nights ago so they wouldn’t have to go out together tonight?

Valentine’s Day is a holiday that’s grown in popularity over the past 50 years, and in terms of retail holiness for Jews, might be entering Hanukkah territory (admit it, when have you ever seen a Rosh Hashanah movie on TV?). On a national scale, it ranks up there with Christmas, New Year’s, Halloween, and July 4th as the most Instagrammed holiday of the year… per statistics that I made up.

With this increased importance, is it time for us to replace Columbus Day as a national holiday with Valentine’s Day instead? If someone recently suffered a break up, and their depression is too much to stomach at work, shouldn’t they be granted a Valentine’s Day off to watch timeless romantic classics like Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally and Space Jam? On the other hand, shouldn’t the government grant us an “Intimacy Day” due to the fact that we have a “demographic cliff” problem in the USA, as the birthrate is declining?

Think of the impacts this could have. Singles, married people, and people in all other types of relationships will be able to fully recover from their depression/euphoria/taking a hit to their bank account by having a day off from work and will come in fully rested and ready to work on February 15 — excited that their next day off is President’s Day in just a few days.

Is Casual Sex Becoming A More Common Trend?

by Adam under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

“Having a thousand different ladies is pretty cool, I’ve learned in my life. I’ve (also) found out that having one woman a thousand different times is more satisfying.” – Wilt Chamberlain

For those of you who are not sports fans, Wilt Chamberlain was a Hall of Fame basketball player famous for scoring 100 points in a game on March 2, 1962. He was also famous for his claim that he had sex with over 20,000 women over the course of his adult life.

While none of you are seven foot Hall of Fame centers who star in movies as Conan the Barbarian, have a giant penthouse in Honolulu, or will sleep with what amounted to 1.37 women per day, many of you have engaged in trysts similar to Chamberlain… usually called “casual sex” or “hooking up” or other variations on “sex without emotional attachment”.

Casual sex could come in many forms- from one night stands, to that two date lawyer who became the 2 A.M. make-out, to that friend who goes from your bi-weekly coffee date to a “hey, I’ve got some wine and sushi, wanna come over” text at 7 P.M. on a Wednesday night. It is a millennial dream in some respects: a simple text, a night of intimacy, friendship intact, with no title whatsoever. Convenience.

For some in our generation who are excellent multi-taskers, casual sex can translate into dalliances with multiple men/women, so long as they share the same goals as you. As the marriage age gets older, and society becomes more free in terms of dating and sexual constraints, more and more people, especially young adults, see this option as a feasible alternative until they do decide to marry.

With this in mind, does casual sex tend to change the way you date? Do you learn more about someone through casual sex, than you would by just going on a series of dates? As a 20 or 30- something would you prefer to find the person you want to spend your life with now, or would you rather swear by the adage of “taking multiple cars on a test drive, before buying one?”

First Date Sex

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

So many women have said to me, “I didn’t sleep with him on the first date because I actually like him.” These women are concerned that if they had sex with their date then he wouldn’t respect them afterwards. Or he wouldn’t care for a 2nd date because hey, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

So here’s my advice: don’t allow the date to get to the point where you are having to make the decision about sex. Don’t go back to his place (or yours) and that way you won’t be in an awkward position, literally. Sometimes couples have sex on the first date and end up getting married, but most of the time it doesn’t work out that way.

Ladies, listen: I’m not sure why you may be afraid to tell a man you don’t want to have sex. Is it because you think he isn’t going to call you again if you say no? Then you have your answer about what kind of man he is. If you’re afraid to say no then don’t put yourself in that position. If you’re afraid to say no then you probably don’t want to date this man anyways. If he’s pressuring you for sex then he most likely doesn’t see you as marriage material and he’s not going to call you, whether you sleep with him or not. So wouldn’t you rather keep your dignity?

Sleeping on the Job

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Sharing a bed with someone you’re dating for the first time is always an interesting experience. By sharing the bed, I’m referring to sleeping. You know — getting some shuteye, resting, snoozing, napping, catching some zzzzzz’s… not that other thing. The first night you share a bed you don’t want to move, make noises, or do those awkward and embarrassing things we do on a normal night (fart, pass gas, break wind, cut the cheese, let one rip).

After my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in together, it took me an inordinate amount of time before I slept well. I laid there still as a log doing my yoga breathing all the while making sure I was looking cute with my hair splayed romantically across the pillow, my clothes placed properly and as many fresh breath smelling items nearby as possible. I would brush my teeth for the full two minutes as recommended by dentists, plus gargled with the strongest mouthwash out there plus place a breath mint subtly and strategically on the bedside table to pop in as soon as I wake up. It’s a full-time job, but somebody’s got to do it. Now that we’re married all those efforts have fallen by the wayside.

Then there’s cuddling. It sounds nice, but it’s not realistic. I can’t fall asleep when the blood flow leaves my arm because it’s wedged under his torso. Nor can I fall asleep breathing in hot air because my face is smashed against his chest. Even though we fall asleep together and wake up on opposite sides of the bed, I feel that sleeping – and just sleeping – together is a very intimate part of a relationship. By observing halacha (Jewish law) your still retaining your zenut (modesty) and controlling your yetzer ra (evil impulse) both of which will bring you closer together as a couple.

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Friends With(out) Benefits

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

You meet a guy, fall in love with him, break-up and then agree to become “special friends” hoping that he recognize the error of his ways and fall back in love with you and ask you to be his girlfriend again. Listen, they can make movie after movie about special friends falling in love, but that usually doesn’t happen. You can save yourself the heartache — and the self-respect — by realizing that nothing good can come of it. If you are really, truly over him and don’t want to be alone, then, well, even still proceed with caution because you may not realize the emotions that you still have for that person. In addition, the time you spend with your special friend may be keeping you from opportunities to meet your Beshert. It’s hard to see the predicament from the outside, but try to understand the position you’re putting yourself in and see how it probably won’t turn out for the best.

Happiness vs. Sex

by JeremySpoke under JDate,Single Life

Though the notions of happiness and sex can happily coexist, they are mutually exclusive for me. I don’t actually know the precise definition of ‘mutually exclusive’, but I use it all the time nevertheless because it makes me sound smarter than I really am. I was trying to say that I can only have ‘happiness’ or ‘sex’ independently. Of course, in this case, they are not mutually exclusive because that would imply that if I had both, then they would cancel each other out, and that just makes no sense.

When I was young, I was happy. The world was new and it opened up so many fresh possibilities. I don’t remember this but I’m sure that my first taste of pizza was fantastic. I started making friends and they were equally fantastic. I had a great family. I would play catch with my dad and my mom would read me stories. A basketball court was poured right in my backyard and my brother and my neighbors would play on it every day. I had a pet dog all to myself, and then to my brother and myself, and then to my brother, my sister, and myself.

When I first discovered sex, though, the happiness started to slowly fade away. It opened up a whole new world of pain, suffering, and inadequacy that would last at least until age 18, when I would discover alcohol. Of course, alcohol would ultimately open even more horrible doors that I do not want to get into right now. My entire teenage life consisted of trying to impress girls. Everything I wore, listened to, watched, read, said, drank, typed, and ate were all carefully selected in order to make an impression on these people. I no longer enjoyed activities I used to love. For example, while I used to love to play basketball with my brother, I now had to compete to make a team. The team was just a segue to impress girls. Of course, I didn’t make the team, and thus lost the desire to ever play anywhere. I started eating healthier foods so I wouldn’t look like a fat ass. This, of course, affected my mood as well. I was hungry and sad and still could not impress girls.

Finally, when young adulthood came, I was able to meet girls with the help of modern technology and the wisdom that comes with age. I used, for example, sites like JDate to match people for me. Though I was happier that I could meet women, I was not completely happy. I still obsessed myself with trying to win their favor by, for example, showering more than once a month and getting rid of my ridiculous moustache. I think that the only way for me to be truly happy would be if I could stop obsessing over aesthetics, and sit back with my moustache and eat whatever the hell I wanted.

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Relax with the sexuality!

by jpompey under Relationships

As someone who writes profiles for other men on a frequent basis, I am often finding myself in shock at the overt sexuality that many men seem to use in their profiles.

I mean seriously, some of these profiles are just plain creepy before I get my hands on them and tweek them!

Look, women like sex.  We all know that.  But a women has to be COMFORTABLE with you before she wants to hear anything about sex.  And if she doesn’t then she’s probably not the type of woman who you want!

Unfortunately, many profiles I read are filled with innuendos from men that hint at the fact that they are great in bed, or work well with their hands.

This will send a women running faster from your profile than you can imagine.

A hint of flirtatiousness in a profile = Good.

Overtly acting sexual and referring to sex = BAD.

If you enjoy sex and are even good at it, relax, the girl you are chasing will find out eventually if she likes you!  No need to write about it in an online dating profile.  This will pay off much better in the long run, I can promise that!

Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Tamar,
I have been on JDate for a while and I am not meeting anyone. When I do meet someone all they talk about is sex. How do I find the right guy?

Dear Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex,

If (or rather, when) the conversation turns to sex too soon, the probability of the date turning into a serious relationship is nil to none. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong, but if one of you starts talking about sex on the first date then its because he or she is looking for a hook-up and nothing more. If this happens to you time and time again, then it’s time to take a look at your profile and see what kind of message you’re conveying. Are your photos too sexy or showing too much skin? Is your “About Me” paragraph a little over-flirty? Double-check your profile and make some subtle changes to make sure you’re not the one sending the sex signals. Same goes for when you’re on a date; don’t dress too sexy or be too flirty too soon (and this includes touching your date’s arm or leg early and often). If you’re still getting sex talk then politely let your date know that you want to get to know him or her better before going in that direction. If they’re not on board then jump ship. Good Luck!

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Dr. Ruth Making Love and War

by JewishFactFinder under JFacts

Celebrity sex therapist, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known as Dr. Ruth, was a sharpshooter during Israel’s 1948 Independence War. She lived in an orphanage in Switzerland after her parents were captured by the Nazis during World War 2. In 1947, she joined the Haganah (The Defense) in Jerusalem and, even though she stood at a diminutive 4’7”, she was trained to be a sharpshooter. In combat during the 1948 Arab-Israeli War, Dr. Ruth was hit by an exploding shell and was unable to walk for several months. After recovering from her injury, she decided to study psychology at the University of Paris. Our sex lives have been all the better for it.