You meet a guy, fall in love with him, break-up and then agree to become “special friends” hoping that he recognize the error of his ways and fall back in love with you and ask you to be his girlfriend again. Listen, they can make movie after movie about special friends falling in love, but that usually doesn’t happen. You can save yourself the heartache — and the self-respect — by realizing that nothing good can come of it. If you are really, truly over him and don’t want to be alone, then, well, even still proceed with caution because you may not realize the emotions that you still have for that person. In addition, the time you spend with your special friend may be keeping you from opportunities to meet your Beshert. It’s hard to see the predicament from the outside, but try to understand the position you’re putting yourself in and see how it probably won’t turn out for the best.

Though the notions of happiness and sex can happily coexist, they are mutually exclusive for me. I don’t actually know the precise definition of ‘mutually exclusive’, but I use it all the time nevertheless because it makes me sound smarter than I really am. I was trying to say that I can only have ‘happiness’ or ‘sex’ independently. Of course, in this case, they are not mutually exclusive because that would imply that if I had both, then they would cancel each other out, and that just makes no sense.

When I was young, I was happy. The world was new and it opened up so many fresh possibilities. I don’t remember this but I’m sure that my first taste of pizza was fantastic. I started making friends and they were equally fantastic. I had a great family. I would play catch with my dad and my mom would read me stories. A basketball court was poured right in my backyard and my brother and my neighbors would play on it every day. I had a pet dog all to myself, and then to my brother and myself, and then to my brother, my sister, and myself.

When I first discovered sex, though, the happiness started to slowly fade away. It opened up a whole new world of pain, suffering, and inadequacy that would last at least until age 18, when I would discover alcohol. Of course, alcohol would ultimately open even more horrible doors that I do not want to get into right now. My entire teenage life consisted of trying to impress girls. Everything I wore, listened to, watched, read, said, drank, typed, and ate were all carefully selected in order to make an impression on these people. I no longer enjoyed activities I used to love. For example, while I used to love to play basketball with my brother, I now had to compete to make a team. The team was just a segue to impress girls. Of course, I didn’t make the team, and thus lost the desire to ever play anywhere. I started eating healthier foods so I wouldn’t look like a fat ass. This, of course, affected my mood as well. I was hungry and sad and still could not impress girls.

Finally, when young adulthood came, I was able to meet girls with the help of modern technology and the wisdom that comes with age. I used, for example, sites like JDate to match people for me. Though I was happier that I could meet women, I was not completely happy. I still obsessed myself with trying to win their favor by, for example, showering more than once a month and getting rid of my ridiculous moustache. I think that the only way for me to be truly happy would be if I could stop obsessing over aesthetics, and sit back with my moustache and eat whatever the hell I wanted.

As someone who writes profiles for other men on a frequent basis, I am often finding myself in shock at the overt sexuality that many men seem to use in their profiles.

I mean seriously, some of these profiles are just plain creepy before I get my hands on them and tweek them!

Look, women like sex.  We all know that.  But a women has to be COMFORTABLE with you before she wants to hear anything about sex.  And if she doesn’t then she’s probably not the type of woman who you want!

Unfortunately, many profiles I read are filled with innuendos from men that hint at the fact that they are great in bed, or work well with their hands.

This will send a women running faster from your profile than you can imagine.

A hint of flirtatiousness in a profile = Good.

Overtly acting sexual and referring to sex = BAD.

If you enjoy sex and are even good at it, relax, the girl you are chasing will find out eventually if she likes you!  No need to write about it in an online dating profile.  This will pay off much better in the long run, I can promise that!

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Tamar,
I have been on JDate for a while and I am not meeting anyone. When I do meet someone all they talk about is sex. How do I find the right guy?

Dear Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex,

If (or rather, when) the conversation turns to sex too soon, the probability of the date turning into a serious relationship is nil to none. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong, but if one of you starts talking about sex on the first date then its because he or she is looking for a hook-up and nothing more. If this happens to you time and time again, then it’s time to take a look at your profile and see what kind of message you’re conveying. Are your photos too sexy or showing too much skin? Is your “About Me” paragraph a little over-flirty? Double-check your profile and make some subtle changes to make sure you’re not the one sending the sex signals. Same goes for when you’re on a date; don’t dress too sexy or be too flirty too soon (and this includes touching your date’s arm or leg early and often). If you’re still getting sex talk then politely let your date know that you want to get to know him or her better before going in that direction. If they’re not on board then jump ship. Good Luck!

Celebrity sex therapist, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known as Dr. Ruth, was a sharpshooter during Israel’s 1948 Independence War. She lived in an orphanage in Switzerland after her parents were captured by the Nazis during World War 2. In 1947, she joined the Haganah (The Defense) in Jerusalem and, even though she stood at a diminutive 4’7”, she was trained to be a sharpshooter. In combat during the 1948 Arab-Israeli War, Dr. Ruth was hit by an exploding shell and was unable to walk for several months. After recovering from her injury, she decided to study psychology at the University of Paris. Our sex lives have been all the better for it.