under Date Night
An interesting article ended with the following (edited for brevity) stanzas:
Hot is admired from afar; beauty is to be held.
Hot is perception; beauty is appreciation.
Hot is smokey-eyed; beautiful is bare-faced.
Hot is an appearance; beautiful is more than skin deep.
Hot is a strong appeal; beautiful is strong mind.
Hot is youthful; beautiful is ageless.
Hot is conventional; beauty is unique.
Hot is a state of being; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Hot is a text message; beautiful is a love letter.
Hot is a facade; beautiful is a woman.
It sometimes is difficult to separate lust from love, but if you can describe what it is about a person that you are attracted to, and determine if it would land in the “hot” or “beautiful” column, then you may be closer to making the differentiation. The article is basically asking if you are looking at your date — in this case a woman — as a sexual object or with respect? Do you love how she looks more than who she is? Think about it.
I thought that title would get your attention!
So there I was in a higher end shoe store when a girl walked up with her boyfriend and a dress. She was trying to find a shoe to match her dress. Every shoe she picked up was higher than the last. The trendy platform stilettos that strippers have made popular add more than a couple inches to a woman’s height.
But here is the problem: this woman’s boyfriend was only a few inches taller than her as it was. With each shoe she tried on, she slowly reached eye level and then beyond. Suddenly she was taller than him! On one hand, she looked hot! Her legs were elongated, she was carrying herself straighter and you could see she felt great! And her boyfriend was definitely turned on by how hot she looked until he stood next to her in the mirror and saw that she towered over him. Suddenly his face fell. Did he prefer escorting this stunningly tall woman or did he prefer being taller and therefore giving him the sort of sense of being “the man”?
Each guy will answer this differently and each woman needs to decide what is more important to her as well. I like to wear a tall heel but I don’t like to be taller than my man. Some women don’t care, some men don’t care. But if you’re a woman like me, and your man isn’t tall enough for you to wear your teetering shoes, then you’re going to have to find a solution.
As we enter the working world we are told to “dress for success” — to wear a suit or conservative dress to each job interview, no matter what the industry, in order to look as professional as possible. So why should dressing for a date be any different? At a huge gala I attended last night the women were showing skin left and right — cleavage, upper thigh, stomach, shoulders and more — in the hopes of getting attention from the male partygoers. But the men are looking at the women and seeing sex, not wife material. There are ways to look sexy without showing so much skin. One body part at a time — either cleavage or legs or shoulders, but not all 3 at once! — is actually sexier plus respectful, which is also sexy. So don’t dress for sex, but for relationship success.
It seems that almost every time I’m IMing with a guy, it starts out nice and then the guy turns the conversation to x-rated topics. Please help, why does this always seem to happen???
Dear X-Rated IMs,
I don’t believe people will jump to X-rated conversation without some prompting. I’m not blaming this on you, but check your communication and your photos because maybe you’re sending messages that you don’t mean to. Are your photos sexy, showing a lot of skin? Is your About Me and your IMs flirtatious? Try to pull in the reigns a bit and see if that helps. And if a guy starts veering towards the inappropriate, cut him loose right away and don’t waste anymore of your time. Some guys (and girls) are just there to hook up and their X-rated come-on’s are being used to see if you’re game. Let them know that you’re not by cutting off contact.
under Online Dating
In much of my online dating advice I often talk about how men must become an object whom women want to chase, essentially displaying alpha male qualities that some might attribute to the stereotypical “bad boy.”
But what about girls? Are guys attracted to “bad girls” as well?
The truth is that most men are in fact more drawn to bad girls. This largely has to do with a number of elements that create attraction and interest within the male mind.
1. Looks. Men are visual creatures and looks are the number one method that women have towards building attraction with men. Bad girls often take more time with their appearances and makeup, thus creating more attraction. In addition, the sexuality with which bad girls dress appeals to women, despite the fact that females will receive hate from the same sex for dressing this way.
2. Sexual appeal. When we think of the bad girls of this world we think of sexual appeal. Both go hand and hand and men like the prospect of someone that will fill their every desire.
3. Personality. Bad girls often have over the top and extreme personalities. This is likely to draw a man looking for a little excitement in life.
When it comes down to it, men love bad girls. But does this love last? That is the question!