Do you follow the 3rd date rule? You know, the one where you have sex if/when the 3rd date is successful? Why the 3rd date? Well, most dates end after the 1st date. Most people will tell you they have gone on dozens of 1st dates but just a few 2nd dates. Following that pattern, it would take a lot of promise to reach the 3rd date. And if that is successful, well then, the pressure is on to consummate the relationship.
It doesn’t matter your age or sexual experience – DO NOT feel obligated to have sex just because you reached the 3rd date. It may be a good idea to not have sex until then, but a certain number of dates does not sex make. If you like the person and are hoping for it to turn into something serious then it would be smart to wait until after you’ve had “The Talk” and are fully committed before having sex (which could then possibly be referred to as “making love”). If you know the date isn’t going to turn into anything, but there is mad chemistry, well, it’s your decision to make about whether or not you want to make whoopie. Be smart – and safe – about your choice.
Now that we’ve accomplished that (almost) everyone on JDate has already had sex, let’s talk about sex baby. You can probably make assumptions about the amount of sexual experience someone has had, but you know what they say what happens when you assume – you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Just because someone has all the right moves and knows what you like doesn’t mean that he or she was promiscuous before meeting you. Just because someone is an awful kisser and an awkward lover doesn’t mean that he or she was a prude before meeting you either. Don’t worry about what your partner did or didn’t do B.Y. (before you), concentrate on your chemistry together and on the experiences you will create together. If you spend your time pondering too much about where your date has been B.Y., it means you’re not spending enough time wondering about where the date could lead.
B.Y. is none of your business. It does not matter. Accept your date for who they are and move on. If you can’t, then that person isn’t right for you. You need to find that someone who you can accept without doubt because you want to be with them more than you want to know about their past.
We can assume that the majority of JDaters are not virgins (seeing that there is everyone from college students in their 20s, to professionals in their 30s, to divorcees in their 40s, to widows in their 50s plus plenty of people in their 60s, 70s and even 80s) which means that most JDaters have had sex! Yes, it’s true, you will more than likely not be your partner’s first. Deal with it. But you need to decide what you want to know. Are you interested in sharing the number of partners you’ve each had? How do you want to use that information? Is there a “good” number? How will you feel if your number is higher or lower than your partner’s? Will you be able to accept the number? Ask yourself these questions before asking your partner their number. If you still want to know your partner’s number, then you’re a glutton for punishment and don’t be surprised when the relationship meets an early demise. Nothing good will come out of sharing sex stories from your past, so don’t do it. Accept that everyone has a past, including yourself, and focus on the future instead.