What Makes Someone “Hot”?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

A blogger from The Times of Israel recently posted an article called “15 Women Hotter Than Bar Refaeli.” It listed women such as Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Prime Minister Golda Meir and comedian Sarah Silverman. The point of the article is to show that what makes a woman “hot” is not just a gorgeous face or a sexy body, but brains and the ability to use them.

Looks are subjective; everyone has their own idea of what is sexy and what (or who) they are attracted to. However, brains, intelligence and ingenuity cannot be faked (at least not for long). You are going to click on someone’s profile because you’re attracted to their profile photo, but you’re going to continue being interested based on what’s beneath — so put more effort into getting to know your prospects before you determine that you are or are not interested.


Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Tamar,
I have been on JDate for a while and I am not meeting anyone. When I do meet someone all they talk about is sex. How do I find the right guy?

Dear Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex,

If (or rather, when) the conversation turns to sex too soon, the probability of the date turning into a serious relationship is nil to none. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong, but if one of you starts talking about sex on the first date then its because he or she is looking for a hook-up and nothing more. If this happens to you time and time again, then it’s time to take a look at your profile and see what kind of message you’re conveying. Are your photos too sexy or showing too much skin? Is your “About Me” paragraph a little over-flirty? Double-check your profile and make some subtle changes to make sure you’re not the one sending the sex signals. Same goes for when you’re on a date; don’t dress too sexy or be too flirty too soon (and this includes touching your date’s arm or leg early and often). If you’re still getting sex talk then politely let your date know that you want to get to know him or her better before going in that direction. If they’re not on board then jump ship. Good Luck!

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Dressing Debacles

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Oh. My. Goodness. Why do women insist on wearing the skimpiest little outfits to JDate and other Jewish singles events? I have witnessed woman after woman wearing the tightest, shortest, sheerest outfits I’ve ever seen. Skinny, average, overweight, tall, medium, short, nearly every woman walked in looking like she had only bought half the dress and left the rest on the rack. I so very much appreciate their confidence, but I think it’s actually masking insecurity.

I watched as these women kept readjusting their tops as their dresses fell, pulling down their skirts as they rode up on the dance floor- I saw way more than I ever asked for. Not only did they look ridiculous but, needless to say, they were uncomfortable, as well. Of course, the men weren’t complaining. But what these ladies didn’t realize is that the men weren’t looking at them with the “That’s my future wife, I want to marry her” look in their eyes. No, they were thinking something very different, thoughts that didn’t include respect or commitment. All the women saw, however, were eyes on them and the attention they were receiving, not realizing if it was positive or negative.

I’m not saying women should dress like nuns in order to be taken seriously as marriage material. I’m just saying to put a little more thought into how you’re representing yourself. You’re obviously going to a JDate event because you’re Jewish and single and looking to mingle, so why not dress a bit more, say, unadventurous, but less, say, provocatively? Think about the thought that goes through your mind when you see a girl on the dance floor shaking her tushie while wearing what adds up to about two band-aids worth of material. You would look at her with disgust in your eyes while being appalled by the taste of all the men checking her out. Don’t become that girl. Show respect for yourself by dressing elegantly. A sexy dress is actually sexier when it covers more skin rather than less. Leave something to the imagination.

Being sexy, showing your feminine side or showing some skin for that matter, doesn’t make you un-marry-able; that’s not what I’m saying. But when you’re single and looking to find your Beshert, just think twice about what you’re putting on when you’re getting dressed and about the kind of message it will send. When you’re looking for something to wear to a JDate event, or even on a JDate, make sure you’re comfortable and confident. That combination is what makes a woman sexy!