I have a close friend who recently moved to a new city for graduate school. She’s looking to meet a Jewish guy, but isn’t sure how to navigate the Internet dating scene. I am usually shy about advertising that I date online. It’s not something I feel most people need to know about me, and I feel nervous about being judged as “desperate” or “weird.” However, online dating has fundamentally changed how I approach men (in a good way).
When I finally admitted to my friend that I’ve online dated, she replied, “Oh my gosh. Once I move to graduate school, I totally want to try!” I had been so worried about her judging me that I forgot how many of us out are curious about the online dating world. She wanted to pick my brain about it before choosing to ultimately join in on the online dating rollercoaster. It’s something that has now bonded us. My friend asks my advice about messaging guys, if she should reply, etc. And in a way, it’s strengthened our friendship. So, while I don’t wear a sign around my neck that says, “I Love JDate,” I’m more open to telling close friends about dating on the web!
I admit it, I watch “The Bachelor.” It’s my guilty pleasure and I love it! I find it interesting to see woman after woman putting it all on the line right away when there are two dozen other women vying for this one man’s attention whom they know nothing about and have spent little to no time with. On the other hand, it’s baffling when women have walls up and then wonder why they’re sent home. If you’re going on a show looking for love then why even bother pretending to have any pride left? Maybe that’s harsh of me, but it just seems like a waste of time. These women have so little time to get to know the Bachelor and yet some of them are not willing to open up at all.
JDate is the same. The numbers mean you are going to meet a lot of people and start many conversations and tell and retell your life story a million times until you meet your Beshert. Your chances of meeting your Beshert sooner have everything to do with how open you are and willing to share.
Many of us keep to the same script on first dates. We only want to let the person get to know us a certain amount and we want to control that amount because we’ve all been on one of those first dates where we talked for hours and hours only to never see the other person again. Why bother exchanging more than pleasantries until you know if there could be another date? This is the normal, human type of wall that most people, not just singles, seem to have naturally up to protect themselves.
under Date Night
I am a food sharer. A sampler if you will who prefers, and usually insists, that at least one other person that I am enjoying a meal with splits it with me. Growing up my mom was the one who cleverly instilled in me the idea that if you are at a restaurant, where a bunch of things on the menu look good, you don’t have to be burdened with the difficult decision of choosing one singular item to order.
Instead, my mom opened my eyes to the idea that we could each pick one thing that we wanted and share so that we would, in actuality, get to try two different things. Thus far, this has turned out to be one of the most important and lasting lessons that my mom has taught me, since I attempt to follow this bit of wisdom every time I go out to eat.
While I’m not willing to definitively say whether or not someone who enjoys sharing or splitting food at restaurants is a “deal breaker” as to whether I will ultimately date them or not; it certainly helps. A couple of months ago I went out on a first date to a Mexican restaurant that I really liked, where there were two things on the menu that I had trouble deciding between. I figured that since she knew that I had been there before that she might ask for a suggestion or give an indication that she might be open to sharing.
She ended up not giving any clues as to her ordering preferences, but I did get lucky that she ended up requesting one of the dishes that I would have wanted to share. Upon hearing her order I quickly asked for the other dish, but once our food came I failed to inquire about sharing. Instead I opted to let it go since you never know what people’s preferences are going to be and simply ate only my food.
In spite of my disappointment in not sharing we still both had a fun time and decided to go out again. After having a first date where we didn’t share anything, we were once again at a restaurant in a food ordering situation for our third date. After blankly staring at the menu wondering whether or not I should bring up the fact that I like to share food I was fortunate that she interrupted my thinking with a novel suggestion, “Do you just want to get two things and share?”
After letting out an obvious sigh of relief I told her of my affection for sharing food. She answered back that we should have shared on our first date since what we both ordered looked so good. After acknowledging her response we went on to have a conversation about how we both enjoyed sharing food for the exact the same reasons. This once again proves that unless you let people know your tastes and preferences, whether they be for sharing food, eating a particular type of food or even something non-food related, you won’t have as many opportunities to share cool things in common.