My friend Ari is dating a girl who isn’t Jewish and they’ve started getting serious. He is adamant that he only wants to marry a Jewish girl. So is it fair to Christina to keep dating her? She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s awesome and they have fun, but he knows there’s something missing. He told her how he felt when they first met, but I think she’s hoping to change his mind. The longer they date, the harder it will be to break it off and the more it will hurt. He says they’re having fun, but she seems to really be into him.
I think it’s selfish of Ari to let it get any deeper when he knows it will never amount to anything. Sure, some couples end up falling in love, even when they told themselves they would never date a non-Jew/a lawyer/a smoker/etc, but if Judaism is one of your top priorities (and I, of course, hope it is), then letting a casual date turn into a relationship isn’t a smart idea. Shiksas have feelings too.
About five years ago I received an email on JDate from another journalist. In the email he told me he was a local TV news anchor which is why his profile was pretty vague, lacking photos and some other pertinent information. We decided to meet for sushi and as soon as we sat down he dropped the bomb: he wasn’t Jewish. He told me all his friends are Jewish and they all married Jewish women whom he found to be great wives and mothers and he wanted to marry a Jewish woman himself. I was stunned. Never in a million years did I think that non-Jews would be looking on JDate. I mean, this guy wrote me an email which means he actually PAID for a membership and wasn’t just browsing for entertainment’s sake. I told him I was flattered on behalf of all Jewish women, but that he should either mark on his profile that he isn’t Jewish and willing to convert or, better yet, go to a non-religious dating website.
Since then I have heard endless accounts from people whom have met non-Jews via JDate and most are baffled by the predicament. Isn’t there enough chance of a Jew meeting a non-Jew during normal day-to-day life? I don’t love it, but as long as they are checking off the appropriate categories so people aren’t being deceived and know the full story and what they are getting into then I think it’s harmless. As long as everyone is being honest then it’s up to you to decide if you want to send an email or reply to an email from someone who isn’t Jewish on JDate.