under Date Night
There are lots of cues that help you navigate a date. By both knowing how to read these cues and knowing how to give these cues, you can hopefully determine the fate of a date.
If a date asks to meet for drinks/coffee/tea/juice, give it a fair shake — even though it’s not the commitment of a dinner. If you are interested in continuing getting to know each other after the cups are empty, and your date suggests ordering food or taking a walk, that means they are interested in you. If your date touches your arm, that means they are interested in you. If your date makes plans for a second date before the first date is even over, that means they are interested in you.
If you don’t see those cues, but are interested and want to see if your date is as well, then you need to send the right cues. Suggest grabbing a meal or taking a walk. If your date makes an excuse, then chances are they are not interested and you have your answer.
Unless… if your date says they have something to do or somewhere to go… but says they want to make plans for another date… and then follow through by calling you to make those plans… then the excuse was probably legitimate and you should accept the next date, and also accept that your date is interested in you.
Remember, dating is a numbers game. Just because drinks don’t turn into dinner, or there’s no call the next day for another date, that doesn’t mean you should get yourself down over it. Most first dates will not turn into second dates, and that’s okay. If you are interested though and your date is sending the right cues, make sure you aren’t losing out on a date because you don’t know how to read them!
under Single Life
Whenever I check my Facebook News Feed I usually see at least one “Facebook Friend” who has divulged way too much information, typed way inappropriate items and put themselves in an awkward situation. There are the women who announce their pregnancies when they’re only 4 weeks along and the men who badmouth their bosses thinking it will never get back to them. But it’s the singles who overly detail their dates I find the most appalling. I’ve read about more than enough first dates where the person reveals what they did, how they feel and where they think the relationship is going — to their entire world! I’ve seen some people disclose their terrible dates, even going so far as to regale their network with embarrassing accounts of their rejection after sex. I’ve read people telling their world they are ugly, feel ugly, were told they are ugly. I’ve read people tell the world how insecure they are, how they will never be loved and how long it’s been since they’ve had sex. It makes me wish Facebook was never invented sometimes because people forget to filter themselves. Less is more. I don’t need to know where you’re eating, who you’re sleeping with or why you’re still awake in the middle of the night. Keep some things to yourself. The last thing you want is to add your new prospect and have them cyberstalk you and read things that turn them off before they’ve gotten to know you.
“Um, yeah, my eyes are over here.” I can’t remember the amount of times I wanted to (or actually did) tell a guy that. Not because he was looking at my cleavage or my legs (although that has happened, as well), but because he was scanning the crowd behind me. What was he looking for? It could have been another girl or one of his friends, but it didn’t really matter. The point was he wasn’t looking at me and making eye contact. Eye contact lets someone know that you’re interested. Your follow up questions and witty comments mean diddly squat to me if you’re not looking at me when you say it.
I believe that it is expected to a point – for someone to check out the scene – but there’s a way to do it and a time do it and an acceptable length of time to do it for.
If you’re on a JDate pre-“The Talk” then you shouldn’t scan the room. If you’re at a singles event and are talking to a potential Beshert, then you absolutely, positively should not let your eyes leave his or her face. Besides the fact that it’s rude, you’re sending a message to your date, your friend or your partner that the who’s who of who’s in the room is more important than they are. Or that you’re bored and uninterested in them. Either way it’s not the way you want to be thought of.
Eye contact, whether it’s with a boss, a coworker, a family member, a friend or a possible Beshert, shows that you’re confident but more importantly it shows that you respect who you are talking to and want to hear what they are saying just as much as you want them to hear what you have to say. Eye contact is probably the most important form of non-verbal communication. Eye contact is the first form of flirting so why would you give it up once you’re having a conversation? Eye contact – or lack thereof – is a social cue, so make sure you know what message you want to send before you start roving. Simply put: maintaining eye contact lets the person know you’re interested, but a wandering eye means exactly the opposite. But it’s preferable to just excuse yourself and walk away rather than be rude by constantly looking over someone’s shoulder.
That said, ladies need to make sure their eyes are made-up with make-up when they’re on a date or at a singles event because if the eyes are the windows to your soul then the curtains should be spectacular! Don’t leave the house without someone eyeliner and mascara and when you’re dressing up thicken the liner and add some shadow. If you have wrinkles and they make you insecure then look into getting some eye cream or injectibles. Being single is tough enough without being uncomfortable in your own skin. You can’t avoid eye contact so make sure your eyes look great!