under Date Night
Last week, I wrote about deciphering the right time to get into a Facebook “friendship” relationship with someone you’ve just started dating. And while that’s bound to happen at some point in your courting, it’s also important not to judge someone based on what you find scattered throughout their social media trail. The other day, I was spitting out lines on the phone to my mom about how I didn’t want to go on a first date with a guy because I didn’t think we were a good match. My only justification for this claim was solely based on what I knew about him from social media. Was that a good enough reason to write someone off and skip out on a first date?
- Do: Practice self-control if you have access to someone’s social media accounts before you’ve met them — and refrain from doing a thorough investigation on them. If you can’t control yourself (which, power to you if you actually can), try to digest the information by reminding yourself this is just a small representation of who they are. Think about what someone might think of you if they read through your 1,000+ tweets before meeting you. It’s worth giving someone an in-person chance.
- Don’t: Cancel a date because you’ve seen too much on someone’s social media accounts. If you’ve stalked them to the point that you’ve seen photos of their ex-girlfriend or you know what they looked like at their Bar Mitzvah, that’s your fault. Ignore the fact that you just freaked yourself out and go meet them in person. Then, you’ll have the information you need to judge if you’d like to continue seeing them in real life… or just through the internet waves.
Read more of Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
or follow her on Twitter: @tthingsilearned
under Date Night
Social Media — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and blogs — has given people a false sense of self-worth. Post a pic and 98 of your closest friends and acquaintances will instantly “LIKE” it. Add an event to your timeline and people whom you haven’t seen in more than a decade will comment about your dog dying when you run into them on the street tomorrow. But check out this real-life scenario:
You’re on JDate, you are following my advice by poly-dating, and after a few dates with a few different prospects, you add or accept invitations to add these prospects on Facebook.
Then one of the more promising prospects stands you up on a date and what do you do? Well, naturally (enter sarcasm here) you take to Facebook to rant about being stood up. You use word like “rejection” and “desperate” and “soul mate” and “self-worth” and other extremely exaggerated terms to describe how you’re feeling right at that very moment about something that, in the long run, will end up being just a memory among millions… less than a drop of water in the ocean.
Except… all the other prospects now see that “Status Update” and are totally turned off. Not only is it clear that you are more into someone else, but you are now outed as a poly-dater (there’s nothing wrong with poly-dating, just don’t go around promoting it), and as an unnecessarily emotional single who likes to broadcast their baggage.
- Bottom line: all these social media sites are public. Unless you block certain people from seeing your updates, then all your friends — and possibly their friends, and possibly the whole world — can see everything. Keep your crazy to yourself and call a friend to vent rather than hashtagging your emotions.
After writing the post Anti-Social Media earlier this week I read my other favorite blog which spoils The Bachelor. I’ve watched that show since the 1st season with Alex but enjoy it so much more now knowing who wins. I won’t spoil it for you here, but in the column recapping Monday night’s episode Steve also spoiled one of the final contestant’s reputations: Brooks was caught on camera just 18 months ago in Mexico making out with a woman old enough to be his mother while his girlfriend at the time was back home. The older woman’s daughter sent the photos to Steve to post, with her mother’s permission, because she thought it was hilarious. Granted, if I were Desiree I may not think it’s so hilarious but as someone not involved in their lives I find it all the more entertaining.
So here’s the thing, Brooks went down to Mexico with a friend and got drunk and hooked up with a cougar. No one would have been the wiser except for the fact that it was captured on camera. And then posted on one of the most popular Reality TV spoiler sites around. What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas any longer. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing then make sure no one is documenting it. It’s difficult in this day and age with such high quality cameras and video recorders on our cell phones, but if you’re unsure about someone clicking away then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.
You never know when something you do will come back to haunt you, be it your relationship or your career. If you wouldn’t want it plastered on a billboard in Times Square or on Sunset Blvd next to those adorable JDate ads, then err on the side of caution and don’t do it!
A picture is worth a thousand words… especially when you post a photo of yourself scantily clad, drunk or provocatively posed (or all 3!) on Facebook, Instagram and other social media websites. When you’re single and are looking for a mate, is this really how you want to portray yourself to potential suitors? Summertime means less clothing and more opportunity for partying which means more chances to snap and post. Hold off. Those photos can be saved to someone’s device forever, they never completely go away. Have fun, sure, but not every action each day needs to be documented online. Are you representing yourself well? People you meet on JDate tend to do some background checking via social media sites so make sure you don’t ruin your reputation because of one crazy night.
As a singleton you are using many Social Media Marketing techniques to let people know you are looking. Being a member of JDate, being friends with JDate on Facebook, following JDate on Twitter and so forth. People will then click on your various profiles to learn more about you. That is why having a lot of photos of you with various dates, or repeatedly with the same date whom you are not in an official relationship with, is not a smart idea.
A guy I know is dating someone, but considers himself single. Unfortunately for him, she checks in everywhere they go and tags him in every post. So if he were to meet someone and she were to go to his page to learn more about him, it would appear he was in a relationship.
So use Social Media wisely when dating. Don’t put crazy, passive-aggressive, emotional, vague or too revealing posts on your page. Think about what you want people to learn about you when they read your posts and look at your photos. What do you want your profiles to say about you?