So much response to “Stalker Tendencies: 5 Things NOT to do with a New Love Interest” made me realize that people don’t think this type of behavior exists. Unfortunately, it does. Sometimes with scary repercussions, other times it’s just benign. But ALL of the items I listed happened. One comment mentioned a boyfriend who actually got a job at the Post Office to find her new address. That is extreme. Kind of like the sneaking-into-his-apartment-and-redecorating stint I mentioned. But Facebook stalking has become the norm. A weird norm, but it happens the vast majority of the time. It’s not just psychos doing it either, nearly everyone I know Google’s their date’s name and search him or her on Facebook. One comment said she found out her significant other was dating another woman — she could have dumped him but instead managed to get him to dump the other woman. Regardless of the outcome, her Facebook-ing allowed her to see the truth. Of course, most people aren’t so dumb as to post pictures of themselves doing something they aren’t supposed to and if it’s out there for the world to see then it’s not necessarily “stalking.” But even if you just know the names of their friends, the last few places they visited and their dog’s name all before a 1st date, then you are officially a stalker. Embrace it, it’s a part of our lives now with the influx of technology. Just don’t take it too far because if you get caught it could ruin what would have otherwise been a very good thing.
What NOT to do after you’ve met someone you really like:
1. Add them on Facebook and proceed to read every single post and dissect every single photo and read through the names of every single friend and then refer to things in the profile that you only know because of Facebook (most people do this, admit it)!
2. Send spies to their workplace (more people than one would think actually do this, especially when the person works in the service industry).
3. Sneak into their apartment and makeover the entire bedroom and bathroom in your favorite colors (true story).
4. Reroute your entire daily commute in order to possibly run into him or her (another one you can all admit to doing).
5. Hang out at their favorite coffee shop all day waiting for them to come in for their daily latte (just ‘fess up here people!).
So here’s my take: When you get excited about someone new, it’s normal to want to intersect your lives. And, doing one of the above is not such a huge thing, but doing all of them is definitely an indication that you have entered stalker-dom. If you have to call your new beau’s roommate to gain access to the apartment — and if you find yourself filling up on gas more than usual because of all the out-of-the-way-driving you’re doing — and if you are hiding some of your friends because they pretended to be “customers,” then you are officially a stalker and need to reassess your dating style.
Also, if someone is doing more than one of the above actions to you, then run (and run fast) in the opposite direction! Go on now.
Have you ever had someone go psycho on you? Dating can drive you crazy, so it’s not a surprise when people actually go crazy! You could have met online or at a club or on a blind date and after one conversation the person starts to stalk you, thinks you are already in a relationship, believes they know who you are, and acts a fool. They start texting and calling and “friend”ing and making assumptions and getting upset and becoming clingy and, frankly, going psycho. What’s a guy (because let’s face it, it’s usually a girl that goes psycho, although not always) to do? Be clear. Call the psycho-stalker and tell her (or him) that you are not interested and to please leave you alone. No hard feelings. Make sure your calls, messages, texts, emails, etc are clear and don’t fall in the gray area of flirtation or giving her or him any hope. A psycho is annoying, but it’s a a form of flattery.
I recently went on a first date and on the way home I gave her a specialty chocolate bar because she had mentioned she loved them. She texted me later that night saying thank you and she had a nice time. I called her the next day and the day after that and got no respone. She then called me and after 10 minutes she got a call she had to take. She texted me asking if we could talk the following evening. After a day of no return call, I then called again and texted one final time the next day. No response. My problem is I obviously didn’t get the message she wasn’t interested when she didn’t return my calls. But I was thrown off by her text and previous call back. And where is the courtesy of even just an email saying thank you but we aren’t a match? I feel I deserved that much and I was so stressed all week because I did like her and was hoping to plan a second date. Sadly this happens all the time. I always communicate after a date, good or bad. Why do woman do this? Do they think it’s ok? Are they doing it because guys have done that all the time to them? It is very upsetting and makes me not want to date at all.
Dear No Reply Rejection,
Both men and women are guilty of not responding when they’re not interested but I’m sorry it seems to happen to you more often. It sounds like you did everything right but she simply wasn’t feeling you. You’ve made all the effort you can; anymore and you’re infringing upon stalker status. She was definitely sending mixed signals by texting you and calling you back but at the end of the day it’s time to cut your losses. Please continue to call women even after a bad date to let them know you’re not interested, it’s good karma. Don’t become that guy because you’ve had unfortunate run-ins with rude women.