Love At First JDate: Saying Thank You

by JenG under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

The best part about being on JDate is having other friends who are on it as well and can fully understand what you’re talking about when you start to vent and run away wildly into an online dating story.

The other day my friend was telling me about how she met this guy on JDate and things were going smoothly. I nodded my head in happiness and sighed with a bit of jealousy, hoping that one day soon I could say the same. But then she told me after each date she texts guys saying, “Thank you” and that she “had a lot of fun.”

My eyebrows immediately raised and I let out a giant, “WHAT!” I had always thought it to be girl code that you wait until the guy texts you first after the date. My friend, who is a couple of years younger than me (but obviously a few years wiser), told me no way—that is how you lose them!

She couldn’t be more right.

Do:

  • Tell someone you had a good time with them — both in person and then after — via a thoughtful text or a quick phone call. There are so many anxieties that cross our minds before, during and after dates. Alleviate the tension, the guessing and the what if’s through positive affirmations — if you are indeed having positive feelings.

Don’t:

  • Hold back. You took the giant step of putting yourself out there, and then, you took an even bigger step by going on blind dates with people you’ve briefly conversed with by chomping down sentences on your keyboard. If you promise yourself not to hold back, to break some of those age old rules, you will have nothing to lose.

Read more advice from Jen Glantz here.


Love At First JDate: Handing Out Your ‘Digits’

by JenG under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

When I first told a small group of my closest friends that I was going to join JDate, one of them (who has spent a couple of months on the site), turned to me with endearing and enthusiastic eyes and asked, “What’s your plan?”

Plan? What kind of plan did I need? Don’t I just set up a profile with my “who, what, where, why, and when,” and just wait? Did I need to make a to-do list, or a color-coded chart to handle my new wired up dating life?

I told my friend that my plan would include simply emailing any guys I had interest in to set up a date. “Email?!” she said with a non-stop laugh. “That wont go over well.”

Before I joined the site, I was wary about giving out my number. I have a very close-knit relationship with my phone, it goes everywhere with me, even the bath tub (thank you overprotective phone case). The last thing I want is a swarm of text messages from a jumbled mess of men I wouldn’t be able to place a face to a name to… yet. My “plan” of action would be to give out my phone number to a guy, but only after we met in person, and only if we really hit off.

After spending a week on the site, and having several requests to exchange numbers, I quickly realized the only sense of a “plan” I had going into this was suddenly an ultimate failure. I was even turning off guys where I thought there might have been potential. When someone intriguing asked for my digits, I’d say something awkward and nonsensical, making me seem mistakenly distant or uninterested.

So, here’s what I’ve uncovered about sharing your digits:

Don’t: If you’re still not sure you like someone you’re chatting with, and feel as though you need to go on bantering a little more online before handing over your digits. Keep the conversation flowing and casually mention you’d like to keep getting to know more about them before meeting up. If they are turned off, or make you feel uncomfortable, accept this as a possible red flag.

Do: Give out your digits if you feel like you’ve hit it off with someone and wouldn’t mind a quicker chat to occur via the dancing of thumbs on your cellular phone. Also, do give them 500 bonus points if they take your digits, and instead of admiring them, they actually pick up the phone and call you to ask you out on a date.


When Persistence Becomes Pernicious

by JeremySpoke under Online Dating,Single Life

Whenever you don’t hear back from someone you went out with, there’s always some sort of desire to contact this person again. Whether it’s because you like her, or because you just don’t want to feel rejected, you really want to write her back. However, you are not allowing for the delicate balance of sender/sendee. For every text or call you receive, you are allowed only one equal and opposite text or call back. Don’t upset the balance. Don’t tip the equilibrium. Once you send a text out of turn, especially if it’s a casual text conversation (only one message a day), it’s over.

Persistence is good sometimes. Like when you’re fighting a lion, or trying to stay off drugs. It is almost never good, though, when pursuing a girl that doesn’t like you. It just makes you seem annoying and desperate. I am often a victim of persistence, and have come up with a few tools that help me curtail it most of the time. First, if someone doesn’t return my texts, I often remove their number from my phone. This way, even when I’ve been drinking, I will not be sending this pleasant, though selective, woman a text message. Though this won’t necessarily help me expand my love life, it certainly may help me look less needy. Another good tool that goes along this same line of thinking is unfriending on Facebook®. Though this seems a little more cruel, it is no more cruel than the eventual realization that this person really doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Unfriending someone is also somewhat liberating. Even if there’s nobody that doesn’t necessarily dislike you, I’m sure there are people on Facebook whom you dislike.

I literally hate at least half of my Facebook friends. This doesn’t even include the ones that constantly update with pictures of abused pets, food, Ron Paul updates, or baby pictures. Unfriend at least one Facebook friend a year. It is kind of like a small weight you need lifted off every once in a while. Either do that or unfriend a person in real life. That may get messy, though.

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Texting v. Calling

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

After a date, I think it’s a pretty good established rule that you don’t immediately contact the woman. Now that we all agree on that, now let’s debate the text v. the call. Texting shows that you don’t care enough to call and calling shows that you are too needy. There needs to be something in between. Of course, though, you can’t show up at her house in the middle of the night to surprise her because of laws and the fact that you don’t want to be arrested.

Therefore, you are relegated to either texting, calling, or JDate messaging. Please don’t JDate message after a date. If you’ve already gone out, and your only contact with a woman is through her JDate profile, it’s time to use those JDate skills to find another profile. If you do have her number, what do you do? Of course, the ideal situation would be for her to contact you. Wouldn’t that just be the best? Ladies, if you enjoyed a date with me, how about contacting me every once in a while? We don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Throw us a line. It’s Monday and we’re depressed. All you have to do is send me a text that says, ‘hey’ and that would make my entire week. I don’t even care if you don’t want to see me again.

I’m out of things to text. I’m tired of thanking you for a date in which I paid $100. I don’t even like tapas. I would have rather gone to Chili’s. I could have gone to Chili’s by myself and had way more fun. In fact, I do that almost every day.

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The Perfect Text

by JeremySpoke under Relationships,Single Life

The first text message I ever received read, “i love u.” It was all downhill after that. For example, the latest text message that I received read, “at gym. don’t call me.” In terms of the full range of all text messages you can potentially receive, those two are on complete opposite ends.

Ever since 2003, text messages have continuously disappointed me. Every time any phone I’ve had lit up with a little envelope symbol, I’ve opened it in anticipation of something even more awesome than “i love u.” I think that as I am writing this I am simultaneously experiencing an epiphany. This has to be why text messaging pisses me off so much. You know what’s even worse than getting a regular, shitty text message? It’s when you think you have a text message, but it’s an automatic text from your bank telling you that your account has been overdrawn. I hate text messages so much.

Just once, I want my bank to tell me, “i love u.” I would gladly pay that $5 ATM fee everyday if my receipt simply said, “i love u.” Actually, that would be really weird and would probably freak me out and force me to switch banks. To be honest, if I got a text from a girl today that said, “i love u”, that would probably freak me out and force me to switch girlfriends. I don’t know why I’m still single, but I think this blog post makes a few good supporting arguments.

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I Feel Your Pain

by JeremySpoke under Date Night

After a countless number of first dates (47), I had decided that I had to do something about my self-esteem before my self-deprecatory comedic nature led me to laugh with my friends about how much of a loser I am until my thin veil of happiness melted in a fit of unbridled rage against people that formerly would have identified me as a friend.

I needed an ego boost. I am not happy or proud of the way I tried to do so. I decided to accept a date with any woman. I arrived at the restaurant early because I was still nervous. As I sat there looking at the wait staff who had to have reluctantly agreed to all wear horrible Halloween costumes, I figured that nobody in this restaurant except for the old man drinking by himself was truly happy. The date was pleasant. We had good conversation and the food was equally pleasant. Though I was not attracted to her, and her voice reminded me of my step-sister, who I like, but I do not want to date, she was very nice. The day after the date, I received a text that I had previously sent out 47 other times. It said she had a great time and wanted to hang out again this weekend.

I knew exactly how she felt at that moment, and I know exactly how she would feel if I didn’t respond. It is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced. It’s just complete rejection after pouring your heart out for an entire evening to a total stranger. You stand by your phone waiting for that buzz that never comes. You can’t eat or sleep, and getting up for work is even more of a chore. I had to send her something, but I did not want to go out with her again. Next week, I will tell you what I eventually said, and how she responded.


Texting To Build Comfort Part 1

by jpompey under Relationships

Just got a new phone number online?  Haven’t met yet?  Haven’t even talked on the phone yet? Grab that smart phone and start texting! 

These days texting is an essential part of online dating.  It will help you get to know the person you are with for a long period of time.  While you spend days randomly texting here and there, the comfort levels will increase and go way up.

By the time you meet for a first date, comfort levels will be so high that it will not feel awkward or like a blind date at all.  Run your messages right and you may even feel like you have already been dating for a long period of time.

How often should you text?

Don’t overdo it.  Remember, you don’t know each other yet, so you don’t want to come across as creepy or stalkerish.  A random text here or there will get the job done. 

More on what to text in the next entry!


Text: “Marry Me”

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Date Night,JBloggers

A recent date told me he was a little bummed that I didn’t respond to his offer, not of marriage but a date.  I would have responded had I gotten it… Who knows whose phone cracked under the pressure but, should it matter?  I get we live in an instant, available all the time, communication world…when was the last time you sent your romantic interest an old fashioned card to open??  Not only is texting effortless but also kind-of unromantic.  It puts another layer between 2 people– but I guess it is also efficient, protects egos involved, and makes it easier to decline invitations as well.  It is no longer personal.  I guess my thought is take a chance– put in the effort, call your interest and you’ll know first-hand the situation and you won’t have to rely on technology to “maybe” deliver the message, or have the crackberry crack under pressure.

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Texting Not Talking

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing a man for the past six weekends. He prefers to text conversations and rarely calls. If I call him, it is not often that he will pick up the phone. I told him that I was a bit frustrated with texting and the way we were communicating.

His reply “If I am causing you pain then I’ll back off.” I just simply said, “Do you want to call this time?” He replied, “Yes.” However, it’s still text, text and text.

Ouch!

Dear Texting Not Talking,

I completely understand your frustration! In my opinion, there is something missing when texting is the main form of communication. Texting allows our own interpretations to take charge of what is really being said. There really is no substitute for a phone call. If this guy is not willing to communicate in a manner that you feel comfortable with then I agree; you have made the right decision regarding giving this relationship some time. Texting once in awhile is fine, but to have that as the main form of communication equals very little communication. It sounds to me as if he might not be the best match for you. Keep up the search on JDate and make it clear in your profile that communication is of the utmost importance to you. Hope this helps!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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First Date; Cold Feet?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

I met a guy online and we have been corresponding through Instant Messenger, Email, phone calls and texting for about the past month.  We still have yet to meet each other in person, which seems a little odd to me.  We do have different work schedules, so it is hard to figure out when we can get together, but I of course suggested that we meet for coffee sometime and that way we can at least meet for a little bit. However, he says that he really wants us to meet for a half day, so that we can spend a lot of time together.  I don’t quite get it. I would think that if he really wanted to meet me, a little time is better than none.  I’m not sure if I should bother communicating with this guy any longer. What do you think?

Dear First Date,

I agree with you, it does seem a little odd. It sounds as if the two of you have both agreed to meet and for some reason unknown to us, he is not willing to even meet for a quick cup of coffee. I’m not so sure there is anything else you can do at this point. He either wants to meet or he doesn’t. Do yourself a favor and keep your profile active on JDate.  Continue to look at profiles and correspond with those that spark your interest.  Don’t wait around for a guy that is unwilling to commit to a first meeting.

Signed,

Gems from Jen