Every season there’s a b*tch on The Bachelor. This season, Tierra takes the cake. She outdoes every previous villain in Bachelor franchise history. But (once again) it does lend some advice for dating.

First, who you are with your partner should be the same person you are when he or she is not around. If your mate only gets to see the fun, happy, smiley, peppy side of you, then he or she is not seeing the reality of who you are. Not everyone is cheerful all the time. And if every time you do cry or complain it has to do with other people hating on you, then don’t be surprised when your significant other is suspicious. No one is perfect all the time so don’t bother pretending to be.

Second, if you don’t have friends, then that’s a problem. Ladies without girlfriends and men without guyfriends are an issue. You have to ask yourself why you don’t have friends of the same gender because your mate is going to wonder why eventually as well. Are you difficult to get along with? Do you intimidate others? Do you always think everyone is attacking you or judging you? The older you get, the more important friends are (particularly friends of the same gender), so it’s time to make an effort because it’s both good for you and your relationship.

Ahhhh the things you can learn from The Bachelor!

Dear Ben C.,

If the rumors are true and you are, in fact, back on JDate after your dismissal by Ashley on this past season’s The Bachelorette… then WELCOME BACK! We’re happy to have you here. I don’t particularly like that you said you were going “to clean up” once you got back on JDate, but it’s probably true. Besides being a handsome lawyer, you maintained your dignity on a show known for making jerks out of lesser men (see: William). That said, you’re going to have a tough time navigating the eligible women, so I’m proposing to be your Chris Harrison. We’ll create a virtual Jewish Bachelor with you as the prize. (And when JP is single again, he’s welcome to join in on the fun.) Seriously, no joke, shoot me an email and let’s make you a JDate Success Story!

Sincerely,

Tamar

I admit it, I watch “The Bachelor.” It’s my guilty pleasure and I love it! I find it interesting to see woman after woman putting it all on the line right away when there are two dozen other women vying for this one man’s attention whom they know nothing about and have spent little to no time with. On the other hand, it’s baffling when women have walls up and then wonder why they’re sent home. If you’re going on a show looking for love then why even bother pretending to have any pride left? Maybe that’s harsh of me, but it just seems like a waste of time. These women have so little time to get to know the Bachelor and yet some of them are not willing to open up at all.

JDate is the same. The numbers mean you are going to meet a lot of people and start many conversations and tell and retell your life story a million times until you meet your Beshert. Your chances of meeting your Beshert sooner have everything to do with how open you are and willing to share.

Many of us keep to the same script on first dates. We only want to let the person get to know us a certain amount and we want to control that amount because we’ve all been on one of those first dates where we talked for hours and hours only to never see the other person again. Why bother exchanging more than pleasantries until you know if there could be another date? This is the normal, human type of wall that most people, not just singles, seem to have naturally up to protect themselves.

So I’m watching the finale of “The Bachelor” and it got me thinking about stereotypes in dating, specifically the dichotomy of aggressive women (i.e. Chantal) versus the damsel in distress (i.e. Emily). In the last episode, the final two women meet Bachelor Brad’s family and his relatives then tell him their honest opinion about which woman they think is right for him. First up was Chantal and Brad’s family seemed to really like her and they commented on her outgoing, friendly nature. They thought she would be great for Brad and that they would have a lot of fun together and that she wouldn’t put up with his antics. Then they met sweet Emily and heard her sob story (seriously, I sob every time I hear it) and watched her very ladylike, shy demeanor. Suddenly they were head over heels in love with her and wanted Brad to pick her.

Brad also appeared to have fun with Chantal but he was enraptured by Emily. With Chantal, he was her equal and she repeatedly pointed out to him that she would never let him “get away” with anything. Meantime, Brad got to be the hero for Emily and her daughter, he got to feel wanted and needed. As much as men say they want a strong, independent woman, when it comes right down to it, those traits are equated as masculine and what straight man wants a masculine woman?

The longer a woman is single, the more aggressive she becomes in her career and in her dating life and therefore the more independent she becomes as well. A 30-year-old woman knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go out and get it. My husband calls me “aggressive” constantly and I hate it, but it’s true. I was single until I was 28 and was in the very competitive world of broadcast journalism. My aggressiveness in the work arena without a doubt spilled into my dating world. But in my marriage that aggressiveness isn’t necessary. Women have been told over and over again that we are just as capable and therefore have a hard time giving up that power. I majored in Women’s Studies, so I have an even harder time admitting that I can’t do something and might possibly need a man’s help.

The more I try to think this out, the more I feel like I’m going in circles, because I vividly recall numerous circumstances where I gave a date the opportunity to open a door, put on my coat, pull out my chair, order for me, pay the bill, call me, ask me out, etc. and was rebuffed. Are men becoming too used to today’s women’s ways? Or did women become this way because men got lazy about chivalry? It seems counter-productive to tell single women to not “act aggressive” because the opposite of that is “weak” and weak women get walked all over by men. No one wants to be vulnerable. Why can’t a woman be ladylike and strong at the same time? Why are men threatened by a woman who doesn’t need him?

Again, I can debate both sides of this topic for hours. What it really comes down to is being yourself – a mixture of that successful woman at work and that vulnerable woman in love – so when a man comes along who complements your personality you aren’t hiding behind a wall of steel scared of getting hurt.