After writing the post Anti-Social Media earlier this week I read my other favorite blog which spoils The Bachelor. I’ve watched that show since the 1st season with Alex but enjoy it so much more now knowing who wins. I won’t spoil it for you here, but in the column recapping Monday night’s episode Steve also spoiled one of the final contestant’s reputations: Brooks was caught on camera just 18 months ago in Mexico making out with a woman old enough to be his mother while his girlfriend at the time was back home. The older woman’s daughter sent the photos to Steve to post, with her mother’s permission, because she thought it was hilarious. Granted, if I were Desiree I may not think it’s so hilarious but as someone not involved in their lives I find it all the more entertaining.
So here’s the thing, Brooks went down to Mexico with a friend and got drunk and hooked up with a cougar. No one would have been the wiser except for the fact that it was captured on camera. And then posted on one of the most popular Reality TV spoiler sites around. What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas any longer. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing then make sure no one is documenting it. It’s difficult in this day and age with such high quality cameras and video recorders on our cell phones, but if you’re unsure about someone clicking away then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.
You never know when something you do will come back to haunt you, be it your relationship or your career. If you wouldn’t want it plastered on a billboard in Times Square or on Sunset Blvd next to those adorable JDate ads, then err on the side of caution and don’t do it!
Watching Bachelorette Emily blindside and dump d-bag Arie made it easy to think of the topic for this post. The second Emily said he wasn’t the one, Arie turned cold and harsh. He didn’t want to talk, he wasn’t going to make her feel better and he was done. She thought he may want to ask more or fight for her or say something, but he was done, he didn’t want to draw it out. He gave her a hug, said “Good Luck” and left. Some people felt bad for him, others thought it only solidified his sketchiness. In his defense, he was totally blind-sided and she wasn’t very direct.
So it got me thinking, is there a “right” way to react to an in-person break-up speech? Do you want to be that person who keeps pushing and prodding for an answer that will make you feel better? Because nothing is going to make you feel better. You were just dumped. That sucks. Rejection stings. So are you going to go out with your head held high or are you going to grovel and try to convince the person to change their mind or are you going to get stark, raving mad and start cussing?
Really, at the end of the day, that person doesn’t want to be with you and it doesn’t matter why. You do not want to be with a person who doesn’t want to be with you. So as much as it hurts, thank the person for being honest, wish them luck in finding their Beshert and do so with a smile on your face no matter how forced. It would be okay to ask “Why?” once, but only once. Don’t ask if there’s anyone else, don’t ask if they want to be special friends, don’t ask what advice they have for you for future relationships. Wish them luck, tell them you had a nice time while it lasted, express appreciation for their honesty and go, get off the phone or walk away.
Note: this is advice for relationships that are less than one year old.
Dear Ben C.,
If the rumors are true and you are, in fact, back on JDate after your dismissal by Ashley on this past season’s The Bachelorette… then WELCOME BACK! We’re happy to have you here. I don’t particularly like that you said you were going “to clean up” once you got back on JDate, but it’s probably true. Besides being a handsome lawyer, you maintained your dignity on a show known for making jerks out of lesser men (see: William). That said, you’re going to have a tough time navigating the eligible women, so I’m proposing to be your Chris Harrison. We’ll create a virtual Jewish Bachelor with you as the prize. (And when JP is single again, he’s welcome to join in on the fun.) Seriously, no joke, shoot me an email and let’s make you a JDate Success Story!