But now he’s gone off to the island of lost men…right?

How many times has this happened to you? You go on a good first date, possibly even a great first date and there’s excitement to see each other again. You end the date with a sweet (or maybe even dare we say it, a hot kiss) and after that, its a few texts that are exchanged but not a mention of seeing each other again.

But the date went so well!

So what happened?

Is it that he’s just not that into you? (Well, it could be, but the kiss does say a lot…)

I’m going to go against the age old adage of “love conquers all” to tell you something that many matchmakers won’t admit out loud:

Relationships = the right person + the right timing.

And timing could have to do with anything. Meaning, a bad time could be right out of a breakup, a busy time at work, a family crisis.

So what do you have to do?

Absolutely nothing. Because you already went on the date, you showed him your best side, you kissed him back (or maybe you kissed him!) and now you just have to go on living your life. You cannot force timing. And, when you feel like it – you can call him up and ask him out again. If he says no…oh well…

By the way, the inverse applies to the Island of Lost Women too! Men, just call her!

xoxo,
Mel

My friend is beaming..brighter than headlights and I couldn’t be happier for her.  She deserves it, we all do, but I’m giddy just hearing how happy she is ..almost a transferred aphrodisiac living momentarily vicariously through her sweet adventures.

Although I think the success of relationships generally come down to at least 65-70% timing, my general thoughts are only on occasion do relationships work the 2nd time around.  Usually the same issues/problems still exist unless they have really been attended to and dealt with, etc. (i.e. can’t fry the same egg twice).  BUT once in awhile it does happen successfully.  My friend’s case seems to be frying sunny side up and hopefully will continue to sizzle at the same heat for months, even years to come.  As for the future who knows, but all we have is the Now, and it looks bright and that is a great start.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I know there is supposed to be an amount of time before a guy calls a girl after a date.  However, I’m 24 and I’m not looking for high school drama anymore.

I really enjoyed this girl’s company on our first date.  We had an absolute blast and both agreed that we wanted to see each other again.  On the date, she mentioned she enjoyed “the chase.”  As you can tell, I’m not really that kind of guy.

How long should I wait and how can I make this feel like she has her chase as well? Thanks in advance.

L.I.T.

Dear Lost in Translation,

I’m not so sure there is an appropriate amount of time before a guy calls a girl.  If you were to ask 100 women how long should a guy wait to call my bet is you will have 100 different answers. Many women do enjoy the chase; on the other hand, a good number of us do not like to feel as if we are being smothered. Give her a call when you feel you want to speak with her. You don’t have to call her every day, but you do need to make it clear to her you are interested. Dating is not about game playing, but it is about timing. Avoid the drama all together and call her. If she is just about the chase you will find that out very quickly. She did agree she wanted to see you again, so put aside any fear and/or anxiety you may be feeling and pick up the phone.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing someone for over two months. He was flirty and intimate at the beginning. We communicate nearly every day, but only see each other every couple of weeks due to his intense work situation. He has been sick, as well as out of town on business. He is highly complementary and says he has never met anyone like me…and that he is very appreciative of how communicative I am.

He is cautious and has slowed down the physical intimacy and is no longer flirty via email.  He says everything in life is timing. He has NOT said that this is not working or that he just wants to be friends…he just talks about timing and being cautious. Building his business back to its former self is his biggest concern at the moment. I believe that we do have the basis for a relationship. How should I proceed with him? It is uncomfortable for me to date since I like him so much, but maybe I should?

Thanks for your help.

Dear Dating and Timing,

It sounds to me as if you are getting mixed messages from this guy. Always keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Anybody can say anything, but it is the actions that truly count. He has told you everything in life comes down to timing. He has backed off, discussed caution, and turned his focus to work. I understand what it is like to have feelings for someone and not really wanting to date, however this relationship does not sound exclusive at the present moment. There are no guarantees in life. Don’t put all of your hopes onto this particular guy. Enjoy yourself and continue dating. Spending time waiting for him to move forward with you is no way to live. He might surprise you in the future, but in the mean time, consider your wants and needs and don’t settle for someone who isn’t as present in your life as you would like.

Signed,
Gems from Jen