Live Your Lie

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

“Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” -unknown

“And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are. We are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it’s expected of us by each other.” – sex columnist Dan Savage

This morning I read two different quotes about continuing to be the person you are portraying in the beginning of a relationship in order to make the relationship last and, at the same time, make you a better person. In the beginning of a relationship we are on our best behavior, with impeccable manners, making sure our appearance is put together, keeping a clean house, trying to enjoy life and laugh often, trying not to talk badly about people or be judgmental, planning special dates, being romantic and affectionate, and so on. Some people will say that you are living a lie. I, however, think you are being the perfect version of you, and the version you know that is most attractive to others. And then once we get comfortable… that stops. Why?

Keep making the effort to be that best version of you and you will eventually become a better you. Make the commitment as a couple to be the person that each of you fell in love with.


Read this Before Your Next Date

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

I just read a checklist of things to learn to have a lasting relationship by Tim Hoch and it is brilliant. There are 50 items, but each is short and sweet. Here’s a selection of my favorites — the ones you need to remember while you’re looking for prospects, on a date, in a relationship and beyond.

1. Burn your Blueprint

Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They’re not helping. There is no script, so don’t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.

5. Grow

If you still have the same desires, opinions and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, that’s your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.

10. Develop Your Own Interests

It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.

12. Don’t Keep Score

I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Don’t do this. It’s exhausting. And childish.

15. Admit When You’re Wrong (Even, On Occasion, When You Aren’t)

This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and it’s just the right thing to do.

32. Know You Are Equals

It doesn’t matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesn’t even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.

39. Take Pride in Your Appearance

Your marriage license doesn’t give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.

44. Don’t Be Petty

So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?

50. Adapting Beats Abandoning

There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, or give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? Will you be better off in 10 years?

For the complete list, click here.

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