There is not one person on this Earth who will agree with you about everything and think that the sun, moon and stars should revolve around you. If someone tells you constantly that you’re the best thing since sliced bread and tells you you’re perfect and have no faults, then try to listen to your subconscious telling you something isn’t kosher. It sounds like you’re probably getting played. It’s that amazing prospect who never called you again. Don’t take it personally, it happens, just look out for the signs I just mentioned.

You also have to look out for the scam artists. The people who are looking for singles – desperate and vulnerable. It may sound obvious, but never, ever send money to someone you’ve only met online. If someone claims to be from out of the country and says he or she is moving here and then suddenly needs some extra cash to visit you, don’t believe it’s your Beshert who happens to live thousands of miles and only $1300 away. It’s not. Your bank account will thank you later.

Don’t give up too much personal information either as you can set yourself up for identity theft. If you’ve only met online, then you really don’t know who the other person is on the other side – it could be anybody, remember that – which is why I have always recommended meeting right away. If someone doesn’t want to meet, there’s a reason. Heed my warning and move on. Don’t give him or her a second thought because I can guarantee they are not who they say they are in some shape, way or form.

Trust your instincts online and have realistic expectations. People are going to stretch the truth and build themselves up a little bigger (or skinnier) and better, that’s expected, but if someone seems a little too perfect don’t hesitate to guard your heart and wallet.

One of my partners and I are getting ready to host a charity speed-dating event (in Chicago, where we both live) next month and since we’re both coaches, we’ll be giving a brief workshop before the event. I’ve also been to speed-dating events myself, as a participant, and have had the pleasure of sitting across some truly fabulous guys and unfortunately, the awkward moments of sitting across from someone with awful social skills! So it’s safe to say that I’ve spent some time thinking about this…

I’ll start with my take on speed-dating:  I think it’s for a lot of people, but not for everyone. Provided that you are attending an event that is well-suited to your age range and religious preference (if any), you are likely to meet several people who could be potential dates. On the other hand, if you’re much older or much younger than the group, you might find yourself without any dates after the event, so that might not be worth your time. In terms of knowing whether or not speed dating is right for you, ask yourself this question: am I comfortable in a semi-fast paced, repetitive social environment? If so, then go for it! But, if it takes you a bit to open up and show your true (and wonderful) self, you might not be leaving a great first impression.

If you’ve decided to go ahead and attend an event, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. When getting ready, look like a first-date version of yourself, but don’t go over the top.
2. You typically only get 3-6 minutes with each person.
3. You can’t find out everything you want to know in that short amount of time (so don’t try!)
4. You can find out enough without sounding like an interviewer (and we’ll talk about how).
5. Most importantly, be courteous. Don’t “stand someone up” by leaving your table for the mini-date or refusing to make conversation. Even if they’re not for you, they’ll probably have something interesting to talk about for at least 5 minutes! (Remember: do unto others…)

So if I’ve already told you that you can’t find out everything about your mini-date, what should you be focusing on? Well, let’s be honest, the first thing that you (and your date) will be trying to figure out is if you’re attracted to the person. Remember, attraction is a subjective but necessary component to every romantic relationship. If you look at him (or her) and the attraction is there, then great, step 1, check — proceed to step 2.

Step 2 is simple. All you need to figure out from the first 5 minute mini-date you have is whether or not you want to go on a date with them. Notice I didn’t say, “whether or not you want to marry them and have their babies” because you cannot possibly ascertain that so quickly unless you each walk up there with a CV of yourselves. So to figure that out — just talk. Talk about something interesting you did that day, ask where he/she got his/her shirt, crack a joke. Inject your small talk with a bit of the nitty-gritty: “Actually, my typical work uniform consists of teal scrubs so that’s why I’m wearing [this black shirt] today.” See what that does? Shares your profession, no interview questions. That’s an easy one and I’m not telling you to avoid asking questions altogether, but rather to allow the conversation to flow naturally without feeling like you have to know everything about them right now. Remember, you’re only trying to figure out if you feel attracted enough or comfortable enough to go on a “real” first date.

Going back to the first tip I wrote about looking like the first-date version of yourself, here’s what that means: look like yourself, plus plus, but don’t go over the top. If you’re a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl (or guy), wear jeans and a nicer top but don’t get all decked out. First, you’ll feel unlike yourself and that will probably be reflected in your confidence. And second, remember that if you start dating this person, they’re going to figure out that you don’t usually wear little black dresses or a three-piece suit. Better to be yourself up front.

Which reminds me…don’t lie! If you do, you’re going to have a hard time coming clean if/when you actually decide to date that person.

With that said: happy speed dating Share some of your tips in the comments section below — I’d love to hear them.

15. Forgiveness: Learn the art of forgiveness. If you don’t learn how to do this, then it is time to move on and find someone else. Without forgiveness a relationship will remain stagnant.
16. Shift: Relationships will shift over time. Communicate regularly to ensure the two of you are still on the same page regarding the relationship.
17. Leaving: Knowing when to end the relationship is an important part of being part of a relationship, and an opportunity for growth. If the two of you have outgrown one another or there is more pain than pleasure it is time to go your separate ways.
18. Moments: Enjoy the small moments. Like the old saying goes, stop and smell the roses. Don’t spend time thinking about the “what-ifs,” it is the present moment that counts.
19. Thankfulness:  Take some time daily to be thankful for the other person. Focus on the positive and realize how wonderful being in a relationship can truly be.
20: Spontaneity: Do something spontaneous with your partner every once in awhile. It helps get both of you out of a routine.
21. Counseling: Seeking outside help does not necessarily mean the relationship is over. It can make a world of difference, save the relationship or at least help each of you to move on without anger.

8. Punishment: Punishing your significant other does not work! It tends to make us feel better for the moment, but it usually makes the other person feel as if he/she is being treated like a child.
9. Money: Money is the biggest complaint I hear about when working with couples. Have an honest conversation; who pays for what and do not make assumptions based on gender.
10. Sex:  Sex tends to go through stages. If you notice your sex life becoming boring, less frequent or a chore, talk about it immediately and be as candid as possible.
11. Cheating: Don’t do it! If you feel the need to stray, there is a problem and it generally has nothing to do with sex. Most people cheat because an emotional connection is missing with their partner. Talk truthfully with your other half and start communicating.
12. Boredom: Boredom usually has more to do with anger than anything else. Figure out what’s really bothering you and let your partner know in a calm, non-threatening manner.
13. Arguing: Never say anything you would not want to hear directed at you. I’m all for a good argument, but remain on point and do not re-hash problems that have already been dealt with.
14. Change: Acceptance of what you cannot change is an extremely important part of a relationship. Trying to change someone rarely works.

So you think you found the person with whom you want to become exclusive. Here is a list of some of the most important things the two of you need to consider in order to keep the relationship functional and healthy. Be sure to stay tuned for more tips!
1. Quality time: Quality time is of the utmost importance. Spend at least some time every day with one another. If you live in different areas have a conversation every day.
2. Compromise: Relationships take work and part of that work is learning to give and take. It is a balancing act.
3. Dependence without co-dependence: Relationships are about depending on one another, but it is not about clingy behavior. Each person must be able to have their own interests and be given some space. If not, most people tend to feel trapped.
4. Listening: Take the time to hear the other person out and really, truly listen.
5. Appreciation: Make every effort to appreciate your partner. It is the little things that go a long way.
6. Quirks: Those things that we fall for early in the relationship can become annoying habits.  Take the time to appreciate and love these quirks rather than looking at them as annoyances.
7. Resentments: If something is bothering you by all means tell the other person. Don’t bury those feelings; they will only turn into resentment down the line. Be sure to listen and do not become defensive if your partner communicates his/her feelings.