The Sounds of Silence

by Aaron under Date Night,JBloggers,Relationships

As I attempted to come up with a topic this week, I was drawing blanks. I wanted to write about my trip to Europe, my life in New York so far, how my dating life is going, any number of things that have been on my mind. But every time I started writing something, it was worthless. I drew a blank.

When you’re not being asked to write a blog for an awesome organization every week, silence can actually be a great thing.  It’s not always that I can’t write about things, but sometimes I feel like I’m writing just to write.

Interestingly, in the last year, some of my best dating moments have involved silence. From long car rides to Memphis where I’m just taking in scenery to the beauty of Central Park, sometimes there’s more happening in life than just trying to get to know someone. Sharing an experience is such a beautiful thing, and I think sometimes we feel an overwhelming need to talk through things as we’re getting to know someone. But in my opinion, nothing compares to just sharing a moment in silence.

So that’s my very simple blog this week. I’ve been around the world in the last month, and I’ve seen some great sights. I know the best is only to come, but the finest moments since my last real writing time (early May) have been the moments of taking in life in silence with another person. Overlooking the beach in Barcelona, looking out over New York from the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building, or even just listening to strangers talk about Grindr while I was sitting on a park bench while cuddling up with someone special. These have been the best moments of my last month, and they didn’t involve me feeling the need to say a single word.


Sandwich Break

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,JFacts

I have decided, for the sake of both of my readers, to take a break from the monotony of talking about the monotony of eating sandwiches.  There are other things in my life as well!  They involve sleeping, working, and occasionally using the restroom.  That’s all I got.  Since this is a blog for an eclectic mix of readers, I will talk about using the restroom.

I recently found out that I love showering in hotels.  It’s like I make up for all of the days of not showering by going on a shower marathon in a hotel.  Of course, this does not include jogging in the shower.  I learned that not only is it not beneficial to your health at all, but can lead to a broken leg that is not easy to explain to people in the concierge line of work.  Recently, in a hotel in Chandler, AZ, I found myself showering for a fourth time in one evening.  Could I be taking more showers?  If you get that, I hate you.  By my fifth shower, my skin had dried out and I had already run out of hotel shampoo twice.  Not only that, I also hadn’t left my hotel room.  I was getting this all wrong my entire life.  Either shower and go out, or don’t shower and don’t go out.

The biggest mistake I often make concerning showers is that I place far too much importance on the effects of one shower.  In other words, not only do I believe that the longer I shower, the longer I can go before my next shower, but I also mistakenly believe that one shower in the morning will keep me fresh until the next morning.  This is often not true.  First, as a modern Jewish male, I tend to sweat a lot.  Second, I live in Houston, TX, the hottest city on earth.  (Don’t look that up).  I need to take my ‘hotel mentality’ with me every day.

Also, tomorrow, I hopefully will have lost 40 pounds.  However, I think I look exactly the same.  Maybe it’s because I see myself almost every day.  However, I will trust the holy scale.  My confidence isn’t higher, though.  I still think I have a better chance with women as a skinnier, less sweaty man.  I haven’t been out on a date in a while.  My first one will be in about a week.  I will report everything!

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My Life; My Choices

by RollingStone9862 under Relationships,Single Life

I think that most people who know me would say that my lifestyle, mostly because of my job, is pretty unpredictable. Many of my friends from both college and high school have lives that look much different than mine, and on the surface appear to have things much more together than I do. Since graduating from college I have worked for four different schools in  five years (all as a college basketball coach), and have lived in New Mexico (two years), New Hampshire (one year) and Florida (one year) before taking a job in Chicago last August. Most people I know, while they may not still be at the same “place” they were right after college, are at least in the same city and appear to be on a stable and progressive career path. I, on the other hand, work in an extremely fluid profession with a turnover that appears to be accelerating with each passing season, meaning there are no guarantees year to year that I will be in the same city or even have a job, period.

I believe that there is a general list of assumed characteristics that people are looking for when assessing who they are potentially interested in dating, which includes honesty, intelligence and passion (amongst others), and while I believe that I possess those and other desirable traits there is one important one on most people’s list that there’s no guarantee I will ever be able to fulfill; stability. I believe that as the number of years since we’ve graduated from college grows most people begin to put more of a premium on finding someone stable with whom they can rely on and begin a life with. However while I believe that I am a very loyal and dependable person my job ultimately comes first, which means that in many situations it seems as though I am not making my personal relationships the type of priority they should be.

Certainly I can’t argue this point, and perhaps the right person for me is someone who feels similarly passionate about their job; however, I can’t get past the idea that the choices I make concerning my job on a daily basis, and career from a long-term perspective, puts such parameters on my personal life and ability to maintain and grow relationships. Ultimately this is one of the sacrifices that I’ve decided to make in pursuit of my career aspirations, and I have never had second thoughts that this was the right decision for me. However, this doesn’t mean it always feels good or that it doesn’t bother me that the instability and uncertainty in my professional life makes it difficult for people to rely on and get close to me. In the end life comes down to a series of choices, and so much of the choices we make are affected most by their timing, so really all we can do it let things play out, do what we think is best for ourselves at the time and hope everything works out in the end.


Jersey Girl

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I live about a half hour outside of NYC.  It seems that every man on JDate lives in the city! Since I don’t drive in the city, it would cost me about $20 every time I want to go in for a date, and I find that most New Yorkers aren’t willing to come to New Jersey.  Is it worth the money to keep spending on traveling to first dates? Should I expect the man to make the trip to see me?  I’m a pure Jersey girl, and I think this is hurting me in finding a relationship.  How can I fight this distance barrier? Please help!

Dear Jersey Girl,

How much is the chance of meeting your Beshert worth? $20 each time can add up quickly, sure, especially when the first dates are duds. But eventually that $20 is going to lead to a serious relationship at which point the man will start driving out to Jersey on a regular basis. Is there somewhere you can suggest to meet in between or at least somewhere near where your train lets off so you don’t have to commute plus deal with NYC traffic? I know Jersey gets a bad rap (thank you Jersey Shore), but as a true Jersey girl try to reshape people’s views by being a class act about the commute.


Too Many Miles

by GemsFromJen under Date Night,JBloggers,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

Any suggestions for those of us living far from other members? I have written to many men who peak my interest, but they live three hours away by car. I am willing to travel to meet them, but just about every time they tell me I sound very interesting, but they don’t want to meet because of the distance. Are there really people who meet despite the distance between them? What makes the difference?

Dear Too Many Miles,

My best suggestion is to keep up the search. Yes, there are people willing to meet even if there is some distance. I do realize there are some people who would prefer the convenience of having a date closer, but that does not necessarily mean you don’t have a shot with at least some of them.  Not being geographically desirable does not make or break someone’s chances.  It might make your pickings a bit slimmer, but if two people are interested in one another it can and does happen.

If you are not getting the responses you desire, try narrowing your search to potential matches that live a bit closer. Don’t give up though. Dating takes time and energy and is usually worth the effort.

 Signed,
 Gems from Jen

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An Addicted Wanderer

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

My job takes me from city to city and I truly am a wandering addict. I get antsy if I am in the same city for over six months (and sometimes less than that!) In the past, I have tried to lay roots (buy the house, etc) and wasn’t very happy. I am addicted to newness and experiences in every aspect of my life. Am I doomed and do you think JDate is really for me?

 Dear Wanderer,

I completely understand where you are coming from.  The anticipation of new experiences tends to make life more exciting! I do not believe you are doomed, far from it. I think JDate is the perfect place for you, actually. There are many of us wanderers to meet on JDate.
But, you should make sure people understand this about you before going on a first date.Make sure your profile is very clear about who you are and what it is you are looking for. It sounds to me like you need to be with someone who craves the newness. Not in relationships, but experiences. You need another wanderer. Sharing new experiences with another can add to the excitement and create great shared memories.  Not everyone has to live the so-called dream of a house, a marriage, two kids and a steady nine to five. These are ideas we are taught to believe are the ideals.  It is no wonder those of us who aren’t married, own a home, have children, or work a “normal” nine to five tend to be viewed a bit differently from those who follow this ideal. Create your own reality of what works best for you. There are quite a few people out there who prefer your type of lifestyle. If you truly want to meet and share your life with someone, think about what it is you are looking for in a potential partner, what it is that will keep the excitement going, and how you both can contribute to creating these new experiences. Once you figure these parts out you are set, not doomed.

 Signed,
 Gems from Jen

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