As a blogger for JDate I certainly have no problems expressing my opinions on the virtues of online dating. During the time that I’ve been on the site I have benefitted greatly from how it provides a forum to meet people and get to know each other, as well as making dating easier for people who are very busy or don’t thrive in the bar scene. In addition to those reasons, and others I’ve talked about in past blogs, I can honestly say that I’ve had a very good experience with online dating. Even though I was already sold on the online dating experience, recently I discovered yet another reason why it is such a great option for me.
Last week our team embarked on a week and a half long road trip (for those of you who don’t know, I’m a college basketball coach) to play games in Utah, California and Texas. In past seasons I would have completely disregarded my social life and been forced to focus solely on my job since it’s difficult to meet women on the road. However, since I can meet women online no matter where I am, on this current road trip I have continued to be active online emailing and chatting with women I am interested in.
Furthermore I have continued to try to make plans for when we get back from our trip so, in actuality, because of online dating, I have continued to be able to try to meet women in spite on my being across the country for work. Just like when I talk to women while sitting on my couch at home in Chicago there’s no guarantee that I’ll go out with anyone I talk with while I’m on the road, but at least I am continuing to be social and trying to date. As someone who is constantly trying to achieve a balance between their personal and professional life, I am grateful for online dating since it has once again provided with me the opportunity to continue that pursuit where in the past I would have conceded all my focus and energy toward my job.
During my recent vacation, I spent my time pushing my body physically every day. Hiking, tennis and cardio eight hours a day. Though during the hikes there was plenty of time for spiritual self reflection too. My week was structured hanging with new friends with a fitness goal in front of us. Impetuously, Mr. High Roller, one of our crew, said let’s go to Vegas. Although spontaneous, I’m an organized planner type. Vegas wasn’t part of the agenda in Utah. BUT that is one of the advantages of being single. No one to check-in with or get permission from, ultimately I could do what I wanted to do at that very moment. Carpe Diem in mind, hours later I found myself at the craps table making everyone A LOT of money followed by relaxing in a VIP lounge at the Encore pool. At times the hike to finding your partner may betiring and frustrating, but the upside about being a singleton is saying “yes” impetuously to life as often as you like.
Here I am sitting on a red rock after a strenuous hike in Zion National Park taking in the breathtaking scenery and pondering life.-Little Miss New Yorker in blazing hot Utah – who would have thunk it?
Did I envision I would still be maneuvering dating in my thirties and taking a solo trip here and there? Hell No! But decidedly there is something empowering about not waiting to be a couple to see the world. Life goes by too quickly with too much uncertainty for that. So as I continue to hike the steep rocks of Angel’s Landing, I do as I do well in the dating world; by Getting smarter and realizing quicker which are the right trails for me and my comfort level. No doubt there will be some twists and turns and sharp edges as I navigate my way, but I’m looking forward to that peak because not only is the landing view unforgettable but the path taken makes the hike all worth it.
The Zion shuttle has just picked me up for my next hike. A tall, fit (sweaty) hottie traveling the world solo says hello and engages me in conversation…hmmm…hiking solo maybe not be such a bad thing.
If you are a single 30-something, there is no question that there have been at least a couple false starts and hopes crushed in your lifetime so far. Since you end up with one partner (except maybe in some parts of Utah), what happens to the other false beginnings? Since you have decided a romantic future is not in the cards, now what? Is it possible that exes really can develop a genuine, platonic friendship?
I spent a couple of hours frolicking in Central Park this weekend with a recent ex who I see maybe twice a year as he lives on the West coast. Without fail, when we have a reunion, our connection is easy and natural, even after months apart. As I recognize it is a rarity, I am left feeling truly blessed to have this comfort of familiarity that comes from knowing someone so well and the subsequent connection.
It seems to me, that in most former relationships, you respected and valued your ex’s character and other redeeming qualities (besides the physical). Assuming the relationship was honest, communicative and both parties understood the reasoning behind the demise of the romantic portion, why can’t the platonic connection supersede? Although I believe the underlying attraction never completely fades, why can’t both parties genuinely say, ‘Since you are not going to end up with me, I want you to be happy and find that happiness with someone else,’ and mean it? I think a friendship is not only possible, but can turn out to be stronger than you imagined, filled with selfless love.