Changing Your Status… and Outlook

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

My friend Michelle flies out to Los Angeles over President’s Day weekend every February to meet up with all her sorority sisters. This time, I told her that not only should she change her location and About Me paragraph on her online dating profile to show “Los Angeles” but she should do so now, a few weeks in advance. Although she will only be visiting the area for the long weekend, you never know who you could meet, which means she also has to change her outlook regarding long distance relationships.

Needless to say, telling a guy you’re only coming into town for the weekend will give off a very wrong impression, so a little white lie may be necessary. Saying you’re “thinking of moving” may not be the truth, but it also won’t hurt anyone. All it will do is open Michelle up to more prospects. Sure, the guy may be on the other side of the country right now, but hey, since she hasn’t had luck in New York then why not give it a shot? If it’s Beshert then one of them will gladly move eventually.

When I met “S” while on vacation in Israel I was thinking of moving – although not out of the country! – so my mindset was open. And when “S” heard that I was in a transitional phase of my life, plus had a portable career, he started to consider the idea of something more developing between us. It was each of our openness that allowed a deep connection to develop so quickly, propelled him to ask me to move and gave me the ability to say yes.

It may sound weird to change your online dating profile to a city you’re only visiting for a short time, but why not see who’s out there? And if someone catches your fancy then why not make time to meet up while you’re there? Once I explained this all to Michelle she changed her location from New York to Los Angeles and made her first line in her About Me paragraph to read that she would “be in L.A. and is hoping to meet someone that will help me make a decision about moving to the City of Angels.” She also started checking out her matches in the area and contacted a few guys who caught her eye.

Michelle has already begun communicating with one guy and they’ve arranged to meet-up in a few weeks when she’s in town. Now she’s even more excited about her trip and is already looking for reasons to return even though she hasn’t even gone yet! By opening herself up to possibly meeting someone out of town she has reignited the fire within and now instead of being frustrated with being single she has a positive outlook about dating that she’s already emoting. Who knows, maybe this new attitude will result in her meeting someone in New York before she even goes to L.A.!

This was the whole point of my exercise with Michelle – to help her rediscover her spirit during what can be a frustrating journey. It’s so easy to lose sight of what kind of person you’re looking for and to let the quest get the best of you. By taking a trip, whether it be to a neighboring state or another country, and scoping out the prospects there, you can find that positive energy you’ve lost along the way. A vacation fling could be just what the dating doctor ordered!

2 Dates

by GemsFromJen under Date Night,JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

So, I have been on 2 dates with one guy. Then I went on vacation.  When I returned, I left a voicemail, and he returned the call (he got my voicemail), and then called me again later that night.  But he did not ask me out on another date…Should I assume he is not interested?

Dear 2 Dates,

This is how two people become two ships passing in the night.  I know it sounds horribly cliché, but it is the truth. Why would you assume anything? It sounds to me as if he is interested as evidenced by his return phone call later that same evening. Before you throw in the towel and decide what it is he must be thinking and/or feeling, have another conversation with him. Perhaps he was waiting to see if you were still interested. Maybe you didn’t come across as wanting to go out with him again because you were waiting for him to ask you out rather than participating 100 percent in the phone conversation.  Maybe he would like for you to ask him out this time around. There are so many possibilities here. Making assumptions and trying to read someone’s mind based on our own fears usually has negative consequences.  One thing is for sure though; you will not have your answer unless you communicate honestly and genuinely with this guy.

Gems from Jen

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