Quick! Reply to That Message

by Caryn Alper under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating

Nowadays, no one has the patience to wait for much at all: Everything is fast paced. Long gone are the days of flipping through a little black book to find a date for next weekend.  Welcome to the days of swiping right and securing a date for that same night within two minutes. We eat fast food (or fast casual), we  go to Quik Trip, we speed date, we make 30-minute meals, and we work out at 20 Minutes to Fitness. But… we are also told that you can’t hurry love.

So how does this all affect your dating life? More specifically, should the world’s fast pace inform your response time to JDate messages?

I’ve definitely asked myself this question before — when you feel the excitement from seeing a new message in your inbox — do you open it, read it, and respond right away? Do you play it cool and wait to open it so the sender can’t tell that you read it immediately? (Because, you know, you are way too busy doing important things and can’t be bothered to check your messages regularly.) Do you read it right away, but wait a while to respond? Do you Google the person’s username, try to figure out their actual name, and head straight to your online county court’s records to investigate? Does anyone else even think about these things?

After considering the pros and cons of each scenario, I realized that so many people walk around with their phones glued to their hand that it’s safe to assume most people are receiving messages instantaneously. So there’s no shame in reading right away! And while you’re on the message page, you may as well respond, too — the speed of your reply builds momentum and sets the pace for subsequent replies. After all, the sooner you read and reply, the sooner you can hopefully meet in person, which is usually the point of online dating. My conclusion: no sense in waiting to reply. Speed skating, anyone?


Email Etiquette: Jumping the Gun

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

It’s easy to get excited once you start emailing with someone on JDate. You feel as though you’ve already jumped through so many hoops and passed so many tests (think of all the possible prospects out there that you DON’T end up emailing with and you’ll get what I mean). The problem with this excitement is that you don’t actually know the other person, and that anticipation builds with each email, and so do your expectations.

When you don’t get an email response within what you consider a timely manner, don’t freak out! Your match could have a deadline at work, or be tending to a sick family member, or helping a friend with an emergency. And if you catch your correspondent on JDate’s Instant Messenger and they don’t respond, don’t automatically consider it a rejection; you don’t know if they forgot to log out and aren’t even at their computer, or if they don’t have the time to properly respond so they don’t want to engage in conversation. Just send a message saying you’re sorry you missed them on IM and that you hope to catch up soon. Then wait for a reply with an explanation as to why they didn’t IM back. This is why I suggest using JDate’s email to make plans and then meet as soon as possible so there isn’t anything lost in translation.


Missed Opportunity?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I dropped my JDate membership just before (or maybe just after) receiving an invitation from a potential match. Anyway, I just reinstated my membership and read a previously unopened letter from 10 months ago. I viewed the woman’s profile and liked it. Unfortunately, her last check-in was the day she sent the letter to me. I emailed a response, but what’s the chances she’ll even know she has mail on JDate?

-Missed Opportunity

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Dear Missed Opportunity,

Unless the object of your affection joins JDate again, the chances are that she won’t see that email. If she hasn’t logged in at all in the past 10 months, then it seems that you did indeed miss an opportunity. She may be in a relationship by now, or she could have taken a break (like you did) and may be rejoining JDate again soon. Either way, you now have even more motivation to stay active on JDate because you will either find someone else or the previous potential suitor will sign back in.

JDate, and dating in general, is a numbers game. You’re going to have missed opportunities, unanswered emails, and email exchanges that lead nowhere. You may also experience several first dates that never result in a second date, and even one or two long-term serious relationships before you meet your Beshert. If you keep at it though, the odds are in your favor.

In the meantime, stay active on JDate by viewing profiles, clicking on Secret Admirer, sending emails and going on dates. Maybe one day that missed opportunity will reappear and you will fall head over heels in love! Or maybe her inactiveness saved you from what could have been a terrible waste of time… and will ultimately lead you to your Beshert!

Pre-order your copy of “How To Woo A Jew — The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating” now!