In June of 2009 I was laid off, ending a five-year streak of fulltime 9-5 post-college employment. While this life change meant a lot, it has mostly meant the adoption of an irregular schedule. While strange work hours have not quite hindered the capacity of my love life to flourish, it has at least altered the types of people I date. Over the past 14 months, I have had romantic liaisons primarily with men of logistical convenience. If mothers had their druthers about daughters like me, liaisons with those outside the standard realm of the business world would come in the form of emergency room doctors and students of law. My cup of tea, however, has trended in the direction of those making cups of joe, television producers, and late night census workers. Now, as my schedule realigns with Wall Street men wearing ties without irony, the future of my love life may take a turn in an interesting direction. For a variety of reasons, I worry I may be less popular with this sort of crowd. I urge you to check back here as the story unfolds.

A former boyfriend (a Jewish FBI agent – who knew they existed – and yes, he always packed heat) in his intelligence officer role once stated to me “Fear motivates people one way or the other”.  A simplistic and obvious comment but one that has stayed with me for many years. I know folks who have committed to their significant other out of fear of losing that person in their life.  On the contrary, I know some who have chosen not to get engaged and give something a chance for fear of getting hurt.

Fear can be crippling and no question having a broken heart is not much fun, but when friends have come to me saddened because a relationship did not take the route they had hoped, as much as it sucks, the mere fact that they were able to “feel” enough to be upset – I think, is a wonderful gift.  All too often, there is so much indifference that exists around us, including in the dating world.  A beat isn’t missed if Mr. Wall Street does not call for a second date, because there always seems to be another possibility around the corner. Especially, in the city that never sleeps.
I guess what I’m saying is the minor scrape or profound bruise that may take several months to heel is worth the possibilities. Because the bottom line is – the chance to be more that indifferent does not happen that often, no matter where you are. Face the worst-case scenario (being hurt) and though it may take weeks or months to feel in a good place, the band-aid will eventually come off and the potential upside is way too great to not risk being engaged.