under Single Life
In the last 6 weeks, at least 9 of my friends have gotten married. They’re all 23 or younger. For me, it’s a bit freaky seeing my peers making such serious commitments. Sometimes I barely feel like an adult. I don’t think any of these marriages are doomed by any means. I just can’t possibly see myself in that situation at this point in my life. I’m always moving, I’m still finishing school, and I haven’t had a relationship with serious long-term potential.
According to an article I read, college-educated women who get married after 25 only have a 20% divorce rate, as compared to the national divorce rate of greater than 50%. I’m not sure how legitimate the study is, but it makes me feel better about thinking I’m too immature to make major life decisions at age 22.
If you are feeling family or peer pressure to get a significant other, get married, or have children, remember you are NOT alone. These things don’t just happen overnight, and they certainly aren’t things to jump into lightly. My philosophy is “compare and despair.” If I thought I should be getting married at this age too, I might despair in being single by comparison. My advice? Celebrate your life for what it is now. Don’t worry too much about being single or unmarried. If you worry too much about meeting benchmarks and attaining labels, you may miss out on enjoying the journey.
It’s official. I’m hitting that age when everyone I know on Facebook is moving in with their significant other, getting engaged, married, procreating. It’s all right on time I suppose, considering I’ve finally hit the mid-20s checkpoint. I realize that I’m young and I’m meant to be in the mix of it all at this stage in my life. Still, I think I’m experiencing a minor case of FOMO. Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely happy to see these good things happen to my friends. But at the same time, it’s causing a total shift in how I look at dating and my future. Their life events are the real thing: the beginning of their future. The beginning of life beyond the 20s. Nothing quite that big is happening to me right now. In fact, it’s safe to say that the highlight of my week was when my TiVo recorded a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes because it thought I might like it…and I did.
I’m not yet at the point where I’m bitter. I’m a little too young and naive for that. The problem is that the more I look at what is going on in other people’s lives, the more I start judging my own. I fixate on what others have that I don’t. I try to justify why I’m still single and they are not. I look inward to see if I can make sense of everything, as if I can really change things that I know will naturally happen. I have little to zero control over it. It will all happen eventually… or at least that is what I keep telling myself. But until that day comes, I’m going to really try and not let it drive me nuts. Instead I will see that I get my butt out of my apartment and out into the full-speed world of NYC and live my own life instead of sitting on my laptop looking at the lives of others. That should solve everything, or at least just keep myself from standing too still. And if not, there is at least some comfort in knowing who I come home to each and every night. My new boyfriend TiVo, and maybe an episode or two of Gilmore Girls.
It’s been two days since the apocalypse. Judgment day has passed. Sinners have been punished, and the righteous were flown to heaven on angel wings. My most awkward moment from a life filled with uncomfortable silences and even more uncomfortable silences was pretty anti-climactic. Long story longer, a girl from JDate who stopped talking to me when I was fat and started talking to me again after I lost some weight, happened to be running a wedding of two very good friends of mine. Before the wedding, we went on a date that didn’t go too well. Afterwards, I told her I’d let her know when I lost some weight.
So she was at the wedding, but we were friendly-ish and successfully avoided each other for most of the night. One minute I’msitting at my table with my best friends, the next minute I’m lying in my bed, wearing a suit with a t-shirt over it, with two pairs of boxers on. Also, most of the items in my room are completely trashed. Since I couldn’t remember the end of the night, I asked my bestie what happened. She answered that I should get tested for an STD. After that, she said nothing. If you only remember two things before you die, one should be the knowledge that you should never tell an OCD patient that he should be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and then not tell him anything about what happened. She wouldn’t answer me when my OCD-induced panic kicked in, and I hurriedly tried to reach anybody else that went to the wedding.
I woke up the next morning at 5:30 am after a night filled with dreams about dying covered withback sweat. I went to work, but all I could think about was whatever horrible disease I had contracted during a night I didn’t remember. My friend finally called me and told me that she was just kidding. Hilarious.
Sometimes, in this city that never sleeps, where everyone around you is diving into the wedding pool and you’re still treading water, it feels like nothing can pull you out. So you send out an S.O.S. distress because you’re getting tired of wading through the water. There’s always more fish in the sea – but fishing isn’t really your sport (you’re less than athletically gifted,) so you grab on to the closest raft and tag along on someone else’s journey until you gain enough strength to let go and hop back in the water. If you’re lucky, some seriously great timing will have you sailing on the love boat in some two-ships-passing-in-the-night scenario before you sink 20,000 leagues under the sea. Those even less fortunate will probably end up on next year’s “Shark Week,” featured as some less-than-flattering fish food. So in order to avoid the former not-so-friendly scenario, sit back, rest on a raft for a few. Just make sure you gain back that great white appetite of yours before some other girl gets hooked by a totally tan yacht owner. Even when the waters are rough, remember that you can always dodge the deadliest catch. And hey, if you do start to drown, there’s always a hot lifeguard to save you – and the incentive couldn’t get sexier!
I recently turned to my husband and thanked him – thanked him for inspiring me to create a website for those who have fallen in love and decided to get married.
It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was nursing a broken heart and considering starting a site for those who were scorned. It’s a good thing that my husband and my chance encounter on JDate changed both my life and my career direction!
My tossing bouquet made out of JDate profiles
A funny thing happens when you meet your spouse on JDate – you find out how many other couples met on JDate too. Some stats: Nearly half of my married Jewish friends met their spouses on JDate. I recently attended my high school reunion and learned that four out of five of my married Jewish classmates met on JDate as well. After I launched Jewish Wedding Network, I started receiving submissions from bloggers, and when questioned on how they met their fiancés, nearly half of them answered, you guessed it – JDate. Those are some pretty amazing statistics!
Why am I telling you all this? For those of you who have met your beshert on JDate, I say “Mazel Tov.” For those of you who have not yet met anyone, I say “hang in there.” I know how hard it can be to feel as though you may never meet “The One.” I was in that position too, as well as many of my friends who are now married. Over the next few weeks, I am going to be sharing some incredible stories of couples who met here on JDate. I hope to one day share your story too.