under Date Night
Is there rejection etiquette? Whether you didn’t enjoy a first date, or after becoming sexually involved, or even after meeting the family… the way in which you decide to break things off changes. However, you cannot use the same approach with the first scenario as you do with the last. So what is the best course of action? Is an official rejection even necessary after just one date? Should you just ignore their calls? Or perhaps a quick text stating, “last night was nice, good luck” would be better. In that case, should you actually answer their call, but turn down the offer for another date?
Obviously the latter is best (and is good karma), but it’s also the bravest choice. All the other circumstances absolutely deserve some kind of communication as to why you are no longer interested in dating. You wouldn’t want to be the person on the other side of a rejection left wondering what happened. It’s not easy; in fact, it totally sucks. Still, honesty is generally the best policy unless it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings even more than the rejection itself. You can always simply say, “My feelings haven’t evolved the way I’d like them to, so I think it’s best we both move on and I give you the opportunity to find someone who will adore you the way you deserve.”
No matter how upset the rejected person becomes, don’t start hurling insults. Apologize again and let them know you wish them the best and move on. This is always easiest on the phone, but if you’ve gotten very serious, then an in-person explanation is more respectful. Just never reject someone via text after the 2nd date!
A couple of my friends have recently asked my opinion about their respective relationships, which are all in the same general phase: things were moving along smoothly for several months but both my friends felt they should be emotionally further along than they are. They wonder if they should break-up with their significant other because something is perhaps missing, or if they should continue seeing each other and hope it progresses?
Is there a timeline for when you should be in love?
For one of my friends I supported her decision to break-up with the guy. He already had incredibly strong feelings for her and she was only finding reasons not to fall in love with him. It would be inconsiderate of her to continue dating him because she would be basically leading him on since she didn’t have anywhere near the same feelings.
For my other friend, I supported his decision to stay with his girlfriend and give it more time. Although she felt stronger towards him, she was also aware that he wasn’t in the same place yet. He likes her just fine and is having fun and doesn’t want to put pressure on the relationship to move any faster, and she says she is okay with that. I told him to make sure she wasn’t saying that to him just to placate him because she is hoping he will fall in love with how easygoing she is.
There’s no right time for when you should have the feelings of love, but you do need to know the difference between love and lust, and understand when someone is unfairly feeling far more into you. Don’t waste your time or someone else’s, especially when feelings are involved.