WWJD — Ending a Dud Date

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

There were some exciting commonalities within your JDate profiles and there was attraction and even some exciting email exchanges before meeting. But once you’re on your date you know almost instantly that it’s not meant to be. What’s a Jew to do?

You can either continue on the date but give off very platonic vibes and make it incredibly obvious that you’re not feeling your date as a romantic match but can enjoy their company on a friendship level and make sure to pay for yourself. Or, you can simply state that although you were very excited to go on the date that you “just know” this isn’t going to be a match but that since you’re already both dressed up and out on the town that you would be happy to continue enjoying each other’s company and get to know each other as friends and maybe think of other people to set each other up with or, if they’re not interested in doing so, then to just call it a night.

No matter which option you choose, treat your date with respect because they may not feel the same way as you… and one day you could be in their position.

Tags: ,

WWJD — The Ex Factor

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

You’re early on in a new relationship and run into your date’s last flame while out and about. The ex greets your flame very intimately with a kiss too close to his or her mouth, a hug that lingered a moment too long and overall just too touchy-feely. What’s a Jew to do?

First, take a deep breath and don’t pass judgment too soon. Your new prospect isn’t with his or her ex for a reason and their ex could either be still hung up on them or could be one of those people who doesn’t understand personal space. Give your beau a chance to explain and if you do ask any questions make sure to limit how many questions you ask and to control your tone as well as your facial expressions. As long as everything checks out, let it go and move on.


WWJD — Age Exaggeration

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

You’ve been 39 for a few years according to your JDate profile… or you’re in your early 50s but can easily pass for mid-40s so you calculate a fake birthdate… you do so hoping to attract a more suitable match but fail to recognize that eventually the truth will come out and the probability of ruining whatever relationship you’ve built will increase. What’s a Jew to do? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are or how great you look for your age or that no one ever believes your real age, it is best to be honest and sign up using your true birthdate and then taking some time to explain why your age range is what it is. If you really look that good then maybe it’s self-explanatory. Don’t spend too much time concentrating on it in your profile or in person because it will sound too much like you’re trying to convince or persuade someone to accept you when your sparkling qualities should do that on their own. Do to your age being higher than you may want to admit then you may have to make more of an effort to contact prospects whose age ranges you don’t fall into. Simply let them know that… I know I’m not the typical age of someone you’d normally go for, but I’m young at heart, super active, and luckily have great genes which help me look younger than my years and hopefully you can confirm all of the above yourself when we meet… or something along those lines. Embracing your age when your mind and body are younger is sexy!


WWJD — Nightcap

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

You’ve just been on an amazing first date with a JDate whom you really matched up with both online and in person. At the end of the night, the prospect invites you up for a nightcap (or a drink, or to continue talking, or to…) but you don’t know if you should accept the offer or not. What’s a Jew to do? If you accept the offer and there were sexual undertones that you didn’t expect then you may be sending the wrong signals and get yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in — then again, now you know what type of person this date really is and you can dismiss the match as a dud. If you don’t accept, and the offer was purely innocent and not sexual then you might send the wrong signal that you’re the one not interested because you chose not to continue the date. Best bet is to very politely and charmingly turn down the offer and instead try to make plans to get together again right then and there. This way you are sending the right signals about the type of relationship you are looking for without having to reject your date.


WWJD — The Wait

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

So you’ve had The Talk and you may have even had The Test and now you’re being asked to do The Wait. It’s been weeks, perhaps months, you are in a committed relationship, you have proven yourself to be “healthy” and yet you still haven’t, shall we say, sealed the deal…. what’s a Jew to do? If you really like your significant other and see a future, then wait it out. It won’t be much longer. Better to show respect and continue getting to know each other without sex getting in the way, then to rush things to the point where you can’t distinguish why you do or don’t like someone. Plus, there are tons of other fun stuff to partake in the meantime (stuff that often gets pushed to the wayside once you do round home plate).


WWJD — The Test

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

After many successful dates with a JDate prospect you have decided to have “The Talk” and to take the next step into a committed relationship. One of the topics that eventually comes up is sex — safe sex, unprotected sex and getting tested. In this day and age it’s a common and expected conversation to have with a current or future partner as you become more and more serious. Agreeing to get tested without argument is the best answer when being asked to do so- it shows you have nothing to hide. If you do have something to reveal then it is best to do it now while you’re having the talk and to be upfront and honest because your partner is going to find out eventually… this way it’s up to you to decide how.


WWJD – Rescheduling a JDate at the Last Minute

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

For whatever reason — a giant zit, a bad day at the office, bloating, or your ex calls and makes your head (and heart) spin — you need to reschedule a first JDate at the last minute… do you lie or tell a version of the truth?

This is where little white lies can work for you… you don’t need to expand upon your reasoning for rescheduling a date, just say something really important came up that you have to deal with and you apologize for the late notice but you need to move your date to another time. The important part of the conversation is to make another date right then and there, otherwise the other person will think you are just canceling in a “nice” way and blowing them off. So make sure you reschedule before hanging up and don’t put too much time between the date you’re canceling and the date you’re meeting.


WWJD — Marking Your Territory

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

Scenario #1: You’ve recently ended a relationship but continue to “spend time together” although you suspect that your ex is already having “new” company over. You’re jealous and slightly angry, not so much because you want to be in a relationship with this person again but because of the dishonesty in being together when others are now involved. You consider the following: leaving hair in the bathroom that is clearly not your ex’s, accidentally leaving make-up or your toothbrush or a sock behind, writing a note and purposefully leaving it in a place where your ex won’t think to notice but where an observant prospect will look. Or… finally just make a clean break and wish your ex luck.

Scenario #2: You’ve recently started dating someone and not only do you want to let everyone else know that you’re now around and there to stay but you also want the new prospect to have subtle reminders of you strewn about so as not to be able to get you off his or her mind. You consider the following: spraying your perfume or cologne on their pillow case when they aren’t looking, accidentally leaving something behind (toothbrush, make-up, a sock or even your wallet or cell phone which you will need back and creates a new opportunity to see each other again), or DVRing a show or movie on their TV which you discussed both wanting to watch.

Would ever do any of these things? It’s not so far-fetched. The 1st scenario is a bit vengeful and not a good reflection of you but the 2nd scenario can be really sweet if done tastefully.


WWJD — Sitting Shiva

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

There you are, paying your respects to a loved one gone too soon, when you spot a potential prospect across the room. You make eye contact. There’s instant attraction and a tangible connection.  Do you begin flirting right then and there? What’s a good Jew to do?

Wait. When the shiva service is over and people are crowding the buffet you can both grab your plates and go sit near each other and introduce yourselves. Shivas are a great place to meet a prospect because chances are the majority of the people attending can be assumed to be Jewish, you will more than likely know people in common who can endorse the both of you, and you will honor your loved one by allowing their death to create a shidduch as you pay your respects.


WWJD — Little White Lies

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

What Would Jew Do?

When you’re dating it’s normal and even expected to stretch the truth and say little white lies, but what is the threshold for taking it too far?

Here’s an easy one: most people don’t own their cars outright, especially if they’re under the age of 40 and are driving a luxury vehicle worth $45,000 or more. So don’t be too overly impressed by someone with a sexy ride because they are paying a hefty payment every month. And sure, they may make more than enough money to do so, or they could be counting pennies in order to keep themselves in a lifestyle that would impress you. Then again, it’s not polite to ask someone if their car is paid for or not, so simply not allowing yourself to be impressed by material things will help you get past that LWL. (Conversely, someone who is super impressed by your car or other material items may not be the type of person you want to date.)

Everyone tends to say “I know lots of people who…” or “I’ve gone there or done that tons of times” when really they only know a few people who… or went there once and did that twice, but by stretching the truth they are making a stronger point and possibly impressing you. This is a normal LWL, just don’t let it get out of hand by exaggerating every detail because eventually you will get caught!