Monkeys

by JeremySpoke under Entertainment

I know nothing about them.

Some think that James Franco will raise one to rise up against us. Others claim that that is just a film. Either way, ever since I first saw the original Planet of the Apes, I do not trust them.

Recently, while at the zoo, a woman among the crowd watching the chimpanzees was actually eating a banana. I am not making this up. At the exact same moment, two chimpanzees had to dig this dirty stick into this weird hole thing filled with dirty orange juice, and then pull it out and lick whatever juice remained on the stick. I now completely understand why the apes will rise up against us. Our greed has surpassed anything we ever could have imagined. We can eat a banana during any moment of any day for the rest of our lives, and this one lady decided to choose the moment she was staring at chimpanzees in an enclosed space.

I don’t know how much time we have left on this earth, but judging by human behavior such as this, it’s not long. Let’s just think about things before we do them. For example, if we’re going to stare at creatures in captivity whose favorite all-time food is bananas, let’s wait until we leave to eat a banana. Also, now that I think about it, there’s no way that the zoo even sells bananas. This woman must have brought her banana from home for the sole purpose of eating it in front of these chimps.

Also, the second troubling thing about this scenario is the fact that there were maybe 50 people staring at the chimps, yet nobody mentioned to this woman that she should stop eating her banana, including myself. However, at the time, I was too hungry to really care anyway. If I had a banana in my hand, I probably also would have eaten it.

Let’s just be nicer to each other. If you’re angry, let it out when you’re alone. I do that all the time. Also, I’m an a** in front of people sometimes. I’m not better than anyone else. I just write about it like I am.


Second Date Sweet Spots

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Entertainment,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

Going on JDates can be fun and entertaining (or dull and torturous, but this column is dedicated to the former!), so how do you turn a JDate into something more?

After the first date, a man who is interested should call the woman within two days, if not the next day. You can even send a text later that night or the next morning saying how good of a time you had – but don’t get in the habit of texting at this stage! (My anti-texting rampage is yet to come.)

When you call after the first date, make immediate plans for a second date, preferably within the next week. You don’t want to lose momentum. You’re getting to know each other, enjoying each other’s company and building on the chemistry. If you know you have a business trip, try to squeeze another date in before you leave or make plans in advance for when you return. Whomever is out of town should try to call once or twice while away but otherwise, you shouldn’t be spending too much time on the phone at this point, just let the other person know you are definitely interested and not blowing him or her off.

When you plan the second, third and fourth dates they should continue to be casual, comfortable and full of quality-time. That means no friends, not too much alcohol and no weddings of your third-cousin-twice-removed. Get to know each other sober and alone before introducing each other to your crazy fraternity brother or even crazier Great Aunt. Daytime dates are also a good option. Go for a walk in a park with a picnic basket to eat while you watch the sunset. Go to the zoo, the fair or an amusement park, or even miniature golfing or go-cart racing. Find a fun activity that will allow your inner child to come out, where you can laugh, and engage in some physical contact that’s not overtly sexual.