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Kelly and Brian

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Kelly and Brian

Dear JDate,

A little over six years ago, I joined JDate in hopes of meeting someone special. I was contacted by a guy named Brian who seemed nice and lived nearby; however, he was in a band and the group was planning a move to Florida. I spoke with him on the phone but decided it wasn’t worth meeting since he was leaving town in the near future.EC090914-Channel2_Kelly_Brian_1

After giving dating a shot on my own with little success, I rejoined JDate a couple of years ago and received a message from Brian. A long time had passed and I didn’t even remember him! Talk about persistence…Again, I thought he was attractive and he seemed like a nice guy, so I responded. Since I prefer talking over typing, I told him to give me a call. His “rockstar” lifestyle was behind him and he was more settled – living here in Chicago with no plans to move, with a job and a place of his own. The conversation was great and we met the next day for brunch. That’s when Brian told me he had contacted me in the past, but I had turned him down.

EC090914-Channel2_Kelly_Brian_2We spent some time laughing about it and the rest of the day getting to know each other. Little did we know that day would be our last “first” date. Six months after meeting, Brian proposed. We were married on January 31st.

What makes this story even more amazing is the arrival of our daughter, Hannah Isabel, who was born this year on June 26, 2009.


Kelly & Brian
Chicago, Illinois

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  • angel says:

    James… give you a chance when you have so obviously written off women as deserving what ever we get dealt? Have you ever been raped? Have you ever been held down by someone who vastly out weighed you and was much larger than you? Are you afraid to walk alone at night for fear that just by being alone someone will feel you deserve to be assaulted? You obviously have had some bad experiences with women but again – you feel they deserve what ever comes to them… why would a women want to give a chance to a man who already is displaying a disregard for basic kindness?

    I for one am not taken in by good looks – i have seen what lay behind too many of those faces – and not because i thought i could change them, often because we were friends and i saw how they treated women and heard what they thought – these guys are no longer my friends because i do not need to hear females degraded and it be laughed about.

    By the same token I have dated beautiful men who are sick and tired of women who do date them just to be seen with them and it is as bad for them as for women… just the other day i witnessed a very beautiful male friend try to be kind as a women verbally assaulted him about his looks and what she would like to do with him because of this – what did I do? I simply walked up and put my arms around him and he was thankful for that and said so as soon as she walked off… because a man is supposed to be into this type of behavior; but it is no different and I can guarantee you he would never say that a woman deserves to be treated in some way because she was judged as shallow for some reason – he too has been treated as an object… once you have then come back and tell us how we are wrong… until then stay in your delusions of us being pathetic if it salves your ego!

    Peggy you are right we do all need to learn to treat each other better and it will only happen when people stop playing mind games and just get to know people! And we do need to put ourselves first and stop thinking we are being selfish when we do!

    But everyone is in such a rush these days – ‘well you are on a dating site and we exchanged an email so now lets go out’… where do you live, what is your phone number – what?!? you don”t want to tell me, well get lost! This is what I have been experiencing on here and I tell you I am sick of it and sick of the fact that so many men refuse to understand that they are behaving in an inappropriate way!

    Anyway these are my opinions! So if someone doesn’t like them – sorry but we ALL live by our personal experiences!

  • James says:

    Come on, a lot of you women go for the men that you know, deep down, are likely to treat you like crap but look good so remain pathetically hopeful that they will have the morality and personality to match their good looks. In my opinion woman are A LOT more shallow than men and when a man treats them like crap then they deserve it either for being a poor judge of character or pathetically hopeful on the man being kind derived from their looks.

    I just wish some of the woman on here would give me the chance to speak to them without writing me off so quickly.

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Rochelle: Okay, I’m going to be quite frank here and this is ONLY MY OPINION. It may sound wrong and (GASP!) not “understanding” enough. But here it is:

    Women grow up in a society that both tacitly and explicitly demeans them. Women are seen as less important, less intelligent, less powerful. Consequently, womens’ feelings and opinions matter less.

    All one has to do is examine our female Prime Ministers and female Presidents. All we have to do is see how female-ruled Hollywood offers up role models for our entertainment dollars. Advances in medicine and technology are mainly the result of women innovators and women Nobel laureates. LOL!

    Can you imagine…how we grow up? It is inculcated at an early age. This tacit disrespect. It is human nature to admire and respect achievment….and all around us, it is men achieving and not women. So society tacitly devalues women. Both women and men. People are products of their environment.

    Rochelle, your BF married that woman for his ego…to bolster his confidence. It had nothing to do with you. I feel sorry for her, b/c he is using her…but then again…she may be using him as well.

    The biggest mistakes women make is putting other people first. Putting the happiness of others ahead of their own. (I am not talking about children here, I’m talkng about contemporaries).

    Women need to realize that their happiness matters just as much as that of men…that they need to stop sacrificing (b/c it is not appreciated it is only taken for granted)….that they need to stop trying to “change” men (damn girl, let him change himself! I don’t want a broken man who needs fixing). Women need to abandon the tired expression “boys will be boys”…b/c respect is a human right.

    Call me naive but I cannot understand how Jewish people can treat each other so poorly. Jewish people have been disrespected and abused for generations and instead of supporting each other….we turn on each other. Men turn on women…women turn on each other. All for ego and self-esteem and bragging rights. I just find it sad and unnecessary.

  • Rochelle Markowitz says:

    Peggy, I agree with everything you have pointed out. Yes, why are women
    ‘cougars’ when they like younger men? As if we have to be the lionesses, whoops, I mean female cougars stalking the young man in this crazy jungle. I have seen men at bars who are about 65-70 years old eyeing the female younguns’. Who are they kidding? Do these guys want new grandchildren or a relationship? If these older men truly want a long-termer with a woman their age, what the heck are they doing hanging around the young women? Probably hoping for a miracle. My ex boyfriend married a woman taller and twenty years younger then both of us. He always teased me about being just a smidge taller than him, so he goes and marries an amazon. Go figure, I can’t.

  • angel says:

    Scott I wish I could say that I agree with you – because I SERIOUSLY hate playing games! And if you don’t then I hope your brand of ntegrity speads like wildfire through this site!!!

    But right at this moment I am going through something like this, oh and he does like to be pursued…. but HE likes to direct that pursuit… HUH?!? Wants to call me so he can text back… so considerate! Let me tell you it has been interesting but really, no thanks.

    Then there are the guys who just want you to be there for them… not wanting to really date but want to see you and want you to want them and then get angry when their friends hit on you…

    or the ones who simply get all mean and pissy because you won’t immediately give out your phone number, yet all they want is to “meet you for coffee” in the middle of the night… how did one put it, “no time like the present”… c’mon Scott women are not stupid although all too many of us are used to being treated like chattle and decorations.
    This is why we respond rather than pursue!

    So pardon us for speaking honestly about what we have experienced just as men do – but we are not talking out of our ***** this is what has occured!

    Peggy, you are in deed welcome :D

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Scott: Not all men are like you. It’s great that you are the way you are, but many are not. People are all different.

    I have met the types of men that Georgina and the woman who won’t write to men speak of. They are on JDate in droves. How do I know? B/c I am friends with a lot of these guys. And they confide to me that “any decent looking woman worth meeting for coffee (they) have already contacted”. They also say that they have contacted women whose photos they didn’t really like but have “given her a chance” to impress them in person. That is verbatim. Again, let me reiterate….these are guys who were my friends before they joined JDate. And yes, I stopped being friends with a lot of these guys after I realized how they treat women. I’m not a rabid feminist…I just believe we need to treat each other with respect & kindness, regardless of whether or not we are attracted.

    Angel: Thanks for the good wishes! :)

  • Maria says:

    Dear Brian,
    I met you at a Morton Grove residential garage sale. You gave me your business card. When you got married, I remembered your name and took out the business card and it matched your picture and your name. Now you have a gorgeous little baby and I am so happy for you. When I saw the JDate success story, I thought that the Brian they mentioned might be you. I read on, and INDEED it was.

    I also noticed that you are at ABT and not in real estate.
    Good for you.

  • Scott says:

    I get so incredibly angry when I hear and read things like what Georgina said above.

    We are NOT cavemen! This whole thing about men having to be the pursuers and not liking being contacted is BULL$HIT! (Pardon me) It’s nothing but “Rules” nonsense.

    I don’t think you women get it. Most of us men on here send mail after mail after mail and get nothing but rejection. I don’t know of any man on here who wouldn’t LOVE to get some mail now and then.

    Women… when you see a profile you like, WRITE TO HIM! Chances are he will be flattered to hear from you. If he’s put off by it, then he’s not the kind of guy you want to be with in the first place.

    There was a woman who wrote on the message board the other day that she never writes to men because she feels that if a guy was or would be interested he would have already written to her.

    I will NEVER understand how you women think.

  • angel says:

    Peggy, OMG no way! I can’t believe it yet can believe it at the same time! It’s amazing that someone asked you that and he seriously didn’t care enough that he wanted to change! I too know guys like that but most of them won’t come out and admit they are selfish :)

    And thanks for the vote of confidence for me. Like you I am just me from the get go, maybe that is why only really confident(or over-confident) or guys in their twenties stick around – they aren’t afraid of someone who is real… but most guys in their twenties aren’t really looking to settle down for real – to them a year is for-ever :)

    Cheers to both of us meeting that great guy soon!!!

  • PeggyOlson says:

    angel: I think you’ll meet someone great soon. You seem to know what you want and respect yourself as well which is VERY important. A lot of women out there are ready to marry the wrong guy after a certain age and a lot of guys know this and use it against women. Some women will hide their true selves so they appeal to the guy and then after they are married their true selves will come out. B/c you can’t really hide your true self for too long – it always comes out. And then their husbands become upset b/c their wives have “changed”. But they haven’t changed, they have just shown you who they really are. A wise Rabbi once said “You never know who your wife really is until after you marry her”

    Men, OTH, are usually the way they are when they don’t feel the need to impress ome “babe”. They figure their wife is lucky to have them so they don’t bother changing. They tell their future wife of all their flaws so she will know what she is getting into and accept them. But a lot of women don’t really accept them. They think that once they get married they will “change” the man and “mold him” to what they want him to be. And of course that never works.

    There’s a saying I heard….”the problem with marriage is that after you get married, the women change but the men never do” or something like that. LOL. That’s why I never pretend to be someone I’m not. And when a man tells me he is selfish and has mild bipolar disorder and can I live with that…..I always think “No freaking way”. LOL! And that is a true story!

  • angel says:

    Hello Peggy and Sarah! I have to say I agree yet again with you both! And I know some women and men meet the right person on this site – friends who did so are the only reason I came on to begin with – but even they said they were tired of all the BS so many throw around trying to use this site as a trip to bed rather than actually making a real connection! Why does an intelligent woman who speaks her mind scare so many men? Most of the profiles say they want that… hmmm could that just be a line maybe… gee I wonder – not!

    I am tired of the double standard so many men throw out and about! Maybe the problem is we are all so stuck in this computer stuff that we forget this is basically all illusion until we meet… and men have to remember that just because we are on this site doesn’t mean we are looking for a roll in the sack… in case you guys aren’t aware that is pretty easy for a woman to find if desired without joining a dating site… we are here trying to meet men who want more and I have gone out with a good many men on this site – because I didn’t want to be shallow and only meet the guys I think are hot – but I do not want to give the wrong illusion either. Meeting a guy for coffee does not mean I want to go back to his place!

    So tell me men how are we supposed to separate the wheat from the chaff? How do we tell who is for real and who isn’t when almost every profile I have read says ‘I want a real woman who is honest and down to earth’… is that a code no one told us women? Seriously I would love to know!

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Laura: You are lucky to have avoided men like the “one’s” (sic) we have encountered.

    No doubt it is a tribute to your “high caliber” as a woman. Good men are obviously “drawn” to you. :)

    Yet, you are on JDate and continue to be single.
    Why do you think that is?

  • Sarah says:

    Laura – I know I could meet a great man and pretend to agree with everything that he says. I could nod at every comment he made, giggle at every joke, etc and he would think that I was wonderful.

    I’ve done that before. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to live a life where I have to lie.

    I have noticed that the minute I let my hair down, and get comfortable and start speaking my mind men run away from me – I can’t help who I am anymore than they can help who they are.

    I feel that I tolerate them and their opinions (and yes I can be flexible) but they do not tolerate mine. That is just my experience.

  • Laura says:


    If I were a man, approaching you, I would not be inclined to be very interested either. Anger, righteousness and rigidity are not characteristics that a “high caliber” man would be drawn to.

    The nature of this conversation and the rants about men sound like something I overhead on the Montell Williams show the other day while I was waiting for my oil to be changed. I’m waiting for one of you to throw a virtual chair at one of the guys. lol.

    You are certainly entitled to your opinions and points of view, but you will continue to attract men of a lower caliber.

    I have yet to encounter any men like the one’s you speak of. Not one.
    Why do you think that is?

  • Sarah says:

    Nathan we are just giving our comments to what we think.

    I think the kind of sexism that we are talking about is the subtle more damaging sexism that prevails in mens attitudes towards women, that nothing they say can or will be taken seriously and that we are only there for their amusement.

    This is much harder to pin point but from my experience it’s still as discriminatory because it is quite often malicious and manipulative.

    I have experienced it myself so I know.

    Believe me I am not saying I am perfect or that women are better than men, but I do think there is a long way to go before we properly listen to and respect each others opinions.

    Nathan, as a man it would have been more respectful of you to express that you understood our opinion rather that dismissing it outright.

    This is the level of understanding and respect that we are talking about.

  • Nathan says:

    As a product of both feminist and egalitarian parents, its kind of ridiculous to blow all these somewhat jesting comments out of proportion (when not jesting, completely uncalled for). Stop fighting each other and go out already! (its kind of the point of this entire site)

  • Sarah says:

    Michael and David obviously feel threatened by a woman having her own opinion and that is why they have reacted so defensively.

  • angel says:

    Peggy and Sarah I hear you so loud and clear on all this!

    Even my male friends who ask for “advice” want me to simply say they have no problems and are just perfect as they are and then get offended if I am honest! Yet they say cruel things without being asked because how could I a mere woman not revere their opinion! And none of them want to change a darn thing about themselves they want the entire world to adjust to them and just can’t understand when it doesn’t! We are supposed to accept all the criticism they dish out and say thank you you are wonderful! And we of course are supposed to change what ever it is they don’t like about us.

    They can have a huge paunch but if we have a bit of booty well how dare we be built the way womens bodies are intended to be built… MEN, we are made to have wider pelvic areas so we can give birth to children – that means we have rear-ends! not having one means less chance of giving you children – think it through guys! And the men on this site have just proved to be ruder than most – I did not come on here looking to “hook up” man oh man, like that is hard for any woman to do? when will they learn… oh that’s right they won’t because they don’t want to!

  • PeggyOlson says:

    francine and Sarah: Everyone has issues, that is true. The difference is that most women are willing to work on their issues. Witness the huge success of self-help books for women. Women buy books to help them with their lives, with their relationships, and are unafraid of seeking treatment for medical issues. This has been statistically proven.

    Many men, on the other hand, are not looking to work on their issues. It is as Sarah says…they are content being just who they are, saying just what they like…no matter the hurt they cause. Self-help books for men are largely non-existant. Men are also reticent to seek help for medical issues. This has also been statistically proven.

    As an example (and not to sound morbid), but statistically….women are more likely to seek help for suicidal thoughts….men are more likely to commit suicide. This is just an example of women seeking/ men not seeking help for medical issues. Don’t mean to sound morbid!!

    So where most women are ready and willing to improve themselves, men are usually not. Additionally, society has been largely misogynistic in the past….that is undeniable. A lot of men who have grown up in this society view women as beneath them in certain arenas. Which is a shame b/c we realize it and it’s not fun.

  • Sarah says:

    Yes it is like we are being told..

    ‘Gee’s girls .. just put up with it. Us men aren’t perfect and you should just put up with us the way that we are and accept all our faults.

    You should accept that we have no interest in what you have to say. And we ALWAYS like to be funnier than you so.. just accept it…

    Also accept that we will never value or respect your opinion .. but we will on the other hand make fun of it.

    Please get over yourself women and accept us men the way we are.. we don’t want to change.. we like being ignorant and not really seeing women as friends..

    Women it is all your fault. You are too stuck up and should accept us making fun of you, yawning whenever you make a comment and saying something that is sensible..

    Gee’s we can’t abide that..

  • francine says:

    Recommend you read the “unhooked generation.” Both men and women have issues that prevent them from making a good connection. Hopefully the experience of using the personals will not be too traumatic.

  • PeggyOlson says:

    David: You write “Concentrate on improving YOURSELVES ONLY!” and then follow that up with “No one is perfect…” That is a direct contradiction and logically unsound. And probably over your head.

    Michael: Congrats on joining poor illogical Dave’s ill-designed bandwagon. You’ve both put us “in (our) places” with your faulty reasoning and generalized misogyny. In other words, you’ve “won”. What is it that you have won exactly?

  • angel says:

    MICHAEL – WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY – our PLACE is any place we want it to be and we as women have had the right to speak out and even vote *GASP* for decades now… then again your comment proves us right!

    Peggy Sarah: How about That Michael… “put us BACK in our places”… he is exactly the type we are talking about only his IQ must be too low to realize this – ah the irony…

  • Michael says:

    David, that is an absolutely brilliant comment. I totally agree with you. Thank you for putting PeggyOlson, Angel and Sarah back in their places. Your comment has been very overdue and is reflective of many male jdaters out there! I personally would like to elect you President of the Male Jdating Population!

  • angel says:

    David: obviously you are truly perfect and have no checklist at all! You never make a judgement call on how someone looks – gee dating sites aren’t about that at all – pictures aren’t on there for that reason… tell me David do you have your picture up or do you not want us to see what you look like? You are not one of the “average guys” who see a picture taken above the waist and you would never think let alone ask – gee is your ass big and that the reason you didn’t take a picture of it? yes… FOUR guys asked that and none of them were anything much to look at and three were out right FAT! And of course David you are right yet again in all you say because you have experience dating the men on JDate… and you are right as well that we are stuck up and not getting a second date has nothing to do with you having a lousy personality! GET REAL! And BTW, no we didn’t say we are perfect we simply say we are tired of being treated as chattle and arm candy – reading comprehension a bit low? Or simply skimming and making judgements? I have read every comment I respond to!

    Peggy and Sarah… we were proved out by the “self-rightous man” once again, he says it right there, it isn’t him but us and we are stuck up… :)

    IMO most 22-30 year olds who ask me out aren’t really looking for that cougar experience since most of them have no clue I am more than a few years older than them… I only look about 32 and a lot of younger guys think I look in my 20′s (hahaha I still haven’t figured that one out but hey I’ll take it!) This is the only place my age is actually mentioned so I don’t usually deal with that as a problem :) I just haven’t met anyone in their 20′s that is really ready to settle into a long term situation so that is the only reason I stopped dating guys that young…

  • David says:

    PeggyOlson, Angel and Sarah: You are all so WRONG! The men you refer to are simply in the minority. Most of us jdating guys are VERY GENUINE! You simply have not met us because you are all stuck up and not willing to give decent guys a chance in the 1st place! You have a checklist and if these guys don’t fit them, they are rejected outright. What happened to the saying “giving a guy a fair go”. Get real, give guys a second date, don’t reject guys outright and you will be pleasantly surprised. Don’t be put off by other people’s experiences. Concentrate on improving YOURSELVES ONLY! No one is perfect, and you girls make out that you are. Just take a good, long, hard look at yourselves in the mirror and say what can I do today to make myself a better person and do it!

  • Miz says:

    Nice one, congratulations. I only get pestered by geeky Irish men with nice accents

  • Sarah says:

    Angel: Yes I have been there many times. I wonder if PeggyOlson is right it is their attempt to spark some passion, albeit in a clumsy manner! Maybe he’s just nervous around you and doesn’t really know what to say!?

  • Sarah says:

    PeggyOlson: Yes you are right! The funny thing is reading back my last comment I realise that I too can be just like the men I’ve described.

    I was on a date where all I wanted to do was to spark the guys attention and I was literally saying anything to get him to open up to me. Weird huh?

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Angel: I’m wondering if the men aged 24-34 who would consider women up to 15 years older are doing so for a serious relationship or just for their “cougar experience”.

    I agree with Sarah in that a lot of men are not interested in a true life partner but want an “impressive wife” who will impress their friends and business associates. If they can’t find that, then they’ll get married when it’s time to have kids so they can reproduce and say they are married. Absolutely. I know many couples like this. For e.g., a guy I know married a very attractive woman with whom he had absolutely nothing in common. I spoke to him 8 years later and he tells me they have been separated for awhile and are in the process of divorcing. He tells me it’s completely amicable as there are no feelings left on either side. How passionless.

    Oh, BTW…I think a lot of men start arguments in their attempt to get some passion going. That’s my take on it. LOL. Fun times. So hard to find people who are REAL.

  • angel says:

    Sarah: OMG I just had that happen last night! A male friend who had liked something one night last night when I said here I got you this because you liked it he said “ummm now i don’t so much” and then he LAUGHED ans said wow I don’t know why I said that I think I just have a need to disagree with you! And he thought he was funny! I am so sick of their supperior attitudes with inferior intelligence!

    Peggy: I too have noticed that men over 40 all want a woman who is 8-10 years younger than them… but I have also noticed that men 24-34 want women who are up to 15 years older than them! I do primarily date younger men, the only problem with that is that I am finally ready to settle down and find a life partner and I really don’t think most 25 yr old guys are ready for that! Though I will admit they are a whole lot more fun and less rigid and stuffy than older guys!

    All in all I am just disappointed that the men on here are generally so misogynistic – and they wonder why we aren’t interested in them… I swear if one more guy asks me ‘what do you think of me’ after asking me to go check out his profile… I have never asked a man that! And if he had to ask me what I think does he really want the truth as he says or does he want me to stroke his ego?

    And yes Peggy I agree again that women are trained from birth to put men first and accept behavior we never would from another women – but women are also taught that it is perfectly fine to screw over another women and unacceptable to do so to a man… to messed up! I just want a partner in life who is as secure as I am and doesn’t NEED constant ego stroking and knows how to have an actual discussion with a woman and realize she has a brain and is actually right as often as he is! I know once again I am asking for too much and being too picky!

  • Sarah says:

    I absolutely agree with Angel and PeggyOlson.

    I am just feeling so much despair towards men. In actual fact I find them ALL shallow and empty and the worst of it is they always tell you that it is the other way around.

    I’ve had a couple of guys pull me up on things when they barely know me and have been accused of all kinds of things. Some speak to me like I have been married to them for 20 years and I owe them something. Yet you can bet your bottom dollar that if it were the other way round they would be heading for the door.

    The main problem as far as I see it is that men tend to have very high self-esteem and women very low. Men are quite happy to go out with virtually anybody as long as she is attractive to him and turns up. They could have nothing in common and it wouldn’y bother him. They are NOT looking for friendship they are just looking for someone to have on their arm, marry so they can say they are married, and someone to give them off spring.

    They are NOT interested in a girls personality at all. So many times I have started talking about myself and am either me with a blank expression, or told they don’t like that but then they will proceed to quite blatantly talk about themselves and what they like without even thinking to ask what you might be interested in. Basically it’s all me, me, me with men and if you like something they don’t you maybe are allowed about 60 seconds to talk about it and then it’s back onto the subject of them again.

    I really think men never want friendship. So often I have heard men say that they when they are having a conversation all they are interested in is starting an argument and disagreeing just for the sake of it. Why are men like this?

  • PeggyOlson says:

    One more thing…ever notice how only about 5% of men (if that) on JDate are willing to even consider women THEIR OWN AGE? They all want younger…10 years younger is not unusual for them. Should a woman want a man 5 years younger…she’s considered a “cougar”. Lovely, isn’t it?

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Angel: Have you ever worked with a peer who thought she was better than you? More deserving of a raise? More deserving of special treatment? Disgusting isn’t it? Women don’t usually take that treatment from other women yet they are conditioned by society to take it from men. B/c the reason double standards exist…the reason men think it’s a one-way street is b/c they think women are beneath them. Pure and simple. And women take it b/c they think they have no other choice. Men treat other men with respect – especially if the other man is bigger/stronger/smarter/richer than they are.

    There’s a self-admitted average guy on here (Tom) who calls good-looking women who want good-looking men snobby and superficial. Average shlub Tom feels he DESERVES to be with a good-looking woman and, therefore, that the good-looking woman DESERVES to be with shlub Tom. Unfair isn’t it? But shlubs like Tom smile thier average yellow-toothed smile and say “life isn’t fair”.

    The problem is that even IF good-looking intelligent women LOWER THEIR STANDARDS and marry shlubs like Tom, their marriages are no good. B/c at the heart of that marriage is disrespect. The best relationships are AMONG EQUALS.

  • angel says:

    Peggy: I know exactly what you are talking about with that “pee” line… seems like guys with no class all also have the same lines! And why is it that the average looking decent guys need so much reassurance? If we females ask for constant praise we are high maintenance and needy but a guy who constantly asks if he is good looking enough and if we like this that and the otehr about him is just trying to see if we are open and honest?

    And then being honest and saying we are attractive is us being stuck up but if we say average then we are insecure – WTF? I know I am better looking than many other women but I also know that not all men will think so – hey I am fine with that! I want the man I date to find me attractive and I want to date men I find appealing in both a physical and mental capacity – no being hot isn’t enough for me but neither is just being intelligent! I want it all, the whole package – but that makes me too picky I’ve been told – how dare I want it all! Is there a way to win?

    Why is every little thing in dating a one way street in mens opinions? Why can they want arm candy no matter how nasty looking they are but when we admit we want a good looking guy we are shallow b*tches?
    I am just sick of double standards! I deserve the best and I am not just arm candy, I have opinions and I will not defer them just so some man who is of average intelligence and looks can imagine it makes him look better and smarter!

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Angel: I am so on-board with your comments. I also find that good-looking guys are quite sweet and respectful. Average, ugly, uneducated and/or stupid guys are the WORST when it comes to respect. I have had a hunch for a long time that it has a lot to do with their lack of self-esteem and self-worth and needing to belittle attractive and intelligent women to feel better about themselves.

    Why SHOULD we lower our standards for ugly guys when they have such huge chips on their shoulders? I actually had a guy (unemployed lawyer) beg me on a first date to tell him I thought he was “hot”. (He said he has always been the smart guy and not the hot guy and he wanted to be the hot guy. I didn’t tell him he was hot, b/c he wasn’t. And he wasn’t smart either. After he walked me home he asked to come in to “pee”. I said no. He replied with “does this mean we won’t be having sex?” True and sad story.

  • PeggyOlson says:

    Sima: Women just have to say NO to the creeps until they change ON THEIR OWN. However, they probably won’t change on their own. Under no circumstance should a woman get with a creep thinking she can change him. That NEVER happens. Usually people can’t change since personalities are developed at a very early age. As creeps get older they usually get creepier.

    There are not enough good guys to go around. A good guy is a guy who RESPECTS women. That means that if he is fat he does not discriminate against fat women. If he is ugly, he does not discriminate against ugly women. A fat and ugly guy who considers himself “good” but is ONLY looking for slim, attractive women is not only deluded but is also a creep. He either needs to make enough money to buy a trophy wife (as someone here said), or find a slim, attractive woman with incredibly low self-esteem who will date him. Same goes for uneducated morons who are only looking for educated women or poor men only looking for wealthy women.

    Women need to decide if they are desperate enough to get with a creep or prefer to be alone and hope to find a good guy. Personally, I know I could never be with a creep. My personality is such that being with a creep who disrespected women would lead me to be clinically depressed.

  • sima says:

    I think that most men that are even slightly attractive here are not looking for a relationship. I think they are excited about meeting diffrent girls. I had a guy that was very attractive tell me when we were on the first date that ” I need to be hunest with you. four girls called me today and wanted to sleep with me” translation, put out or get out! so that was it, sometimes I wonder perhaps I should date Persian men instede of American. Even though Persian men are known to be controling, at least they want to get married and love their family.

  • Sarah H says:

    And to add to the comments about looks and attractiveness, I have been asked out by a lot of good looking guys but for some reason I don’t fancy them.

    I tend to fancy quirky, slightly eccentric men. And I love men with glasses and big noses! I don’t particularly like pretty men.

    So, you don’t know, it might actually be that you are too good looking!

  • Sarah H says:


    I just want to say that isn’t the point of us being on a dating website is to get out there and meet people!

    We are ALL in the same boat here. Attractive, unattractive, we are ALL looking for the same thing.

    Why don’t you just enjoy it for the experience it is, AND HAVE SOME EXPERIENCES!

    Go out there, enjoy yourself, have a good time. Go on a date, meet some interesting people..

    Just have a good time and enjoy it for what it is…

    Somebody said to me once, it’s all good practise!

    Mazel tof!

  • Ash says:


    What you’re looking for is a trophy wife. If you want a trophy wife, get rich and go buy one.


  • angel says:

    TO JONAH… this is the second page of comments you misogynist… the whole first page is men b*tching about how snobby women are and how we only date guys “as good looking” as they think the guy in this article is so before you jump on women about our comments why don’t you have a clue what you are talking about… hiding behind smiley faces really doesnt mean squat when you are rude… gosh Jonah… feels good to be judged off of one comment doesn’t it? but then again “as someone smarter than me said” you get what you give…

  • Lynette says:

    Had a weird conversation with someone two nights ago…..I called him (he requested that) and when he picked up the phone he sounded very disinterested . I asked him if I called at a bad time (it was early evening during the week)… He responded by saying he was doing the dishes. Dead silence again. I began to try to initiate a conversation….no luck. Exasperated….I asked him if he wanted to ask me anything. His response? “Don’t you like playing twenty questions”. The final blow was…he asked me how long I had been on jdate.. .when I said I hadn’t dated in awhile since my dad had been so sick and passed away in June . Dead silence!!!! I wished him luck and ended the conversation. My question is….why did he bother ?

  • Soozy says:

    I just recently had a problem with mixed signals (on Match.com). When the guy seems to come forward then retreat then come forward then retreat, it has nothing to do with you. It’s because he doesn’t know what he wants. Interestingly, in the case I’m talking about he actually said in his profile, “No gameplayers, please.” Quite ironic.

  • Talia says:

    Another possibility is that the guy is not a member, therefor he can not read your mail, only look again and again at your profile..(-;
    When i see this happen i sometimes include my e-mail address in my mail to him, so in case he can read but not respond, at least he can respond to my e-mail..
    nevertheless there are these guys you’ve mentioned too..and i have no word for this kind of a behavior, but it is their loss for sure! (-;

  • Jonah says:

    This is a perfect example of how surveys get skewed. Notice how out of 4 responses to an article, I am the ONLY guy responding. Is that because women are just more outspoken, is it because you actually have more to say, or is it a woman’s propensity to jump on the man-hating bandwagon when only females are chiming in?

    As for the guy you are mentioning–do you not think there are 10 girls for every one of him on here?!?! Answer: There are!

    Yes, women are more outspoken, ESPECIALLY in the relationship arena. We understand you girls are cyborgs from the future emotionally when it comes to primitive men, we get it really, but keep open to the idea that just maybe there might be some sturdy psyches, but as someone smarter than me once said, “the good ones are always taken.” The good part about that quote is it doesn’t say married ;)

    Take Care

  • angel says:

    I hear that!! I had something similar happen here where I spent a couple weeks regularly emailing with this guy and he said he wanted to chat – I told him I would let him know as soon as I had time to sit online but it would be after the weekend – so on that Monday I emailed him saying hey this week looks good when do you want to talk and that was it never again heard from him! As soon as I responded with anything remotely like interest he disappeared!

  • Georgina says:

    I had simular experiences. I think men have not evolved past the cave men age where they have to do the hunting, very frustrating they cannot stand it when a woman expresses interest, it has to be their idea, so women cannot pick and choose……

  • Pixie says:


    Sometimes people view each other just out of curiousity. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. (Then again, I’m a woman who is writing this).

    I click “who’s online” and view both men and women out of curiousity. If a particular JDate name makes me laugh or I like the clothes the person is wearing in the photo, I will view them. No big deal. But no, I don’t keep viewing them.

    Sometimes I think people are just shopping around and they don’t necessarily view JDate people as serious prospects. Or maybe they have multiple people on the back burner. At any rate, I definitely know what you mean about this disposable culture. It just shows a basic disrespect of people. I try to stay away from people like that and try not to become a person like that.

    Take care.

  • Lori says:

    Kelly didn’t meet Brian just b/c she found him attractive. They had a good phone call and they connected in person. Without that connection, even attractive people won’t get a 2nd date. And, even though Kelly found him attractive the first time around, she didn’t meet him b/c he was moving. If it was just about looks, she would have met him regardless. She had a focus – serious relationship leading to marriage – and followed her head and heart.

    As for the rest of the dating scene… I just wish we all didn’t treat each other as “disposable”. We’re all guilty of it. I’ve had at least 5 men contact me (on here and out at parties), ask me for my # and not call. Just two weeks ago, a guy wrote me… I wrote back (he read it) and then I didn’t hear from him again. He kept viewing me, we were online together – and nothing. Today he im’d as if he’s never contacted me.

    Another guy: We’d been viewing eachother for months. I wrote him in November, he read it the next day – never responded. Keeps viewing me.

    Can someone enlighten me???

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