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Getting a Reply: The Golden Goal of Online Dating

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Getting a Reply: The Golden Goal of Online Dating

It’s a problem we all face:

You find an attractive someone on a dating site. You craft a witty, fun, complimentary and intelligent email and send it off, and two weeks go by with no reply. What gives? You’re not a freak. Your picture is hot. You’ve carefully chosen corroborating pictures that make you look socially well-adjusted and fun, and you (and your mother) consider yourself a solid catch. What happened?

The answer is simple. You’ve made a mistake so common; no one even knows there’s a better way. Prepare to be enlightened.

First, let’s look at what happens when someone hits on (i.e. makes their interest known) someone else. For example, I once went up to this guy at a party and said the highly original and clever one-liner: “Hi.” Instead of responding in kind, he gave me the once over and said, “No.” While his brevity was admirable, his socially mal-adjusted response is an excellent example of what happens when Person A hits on Person B.

Basically, people want what they don’t know they have, or don’t have. When someone hits on someone else, they fall into this trap. Saying “Hi” definitely counts, as does sending an email that in any way, shape or form says anything resembling “You’re attractive to me. Do you want to go out?” The person being approached (Person B) knows they “have” the approacher (Person A), because Person A just made it abundantly clear that they’re interested in Person B. This is boring for Person B, because there’s no mystery. Mystery, and not knowing whether or not the person you’re talking to is interested in you (at least for the first five minutes, or the first two or three emails), is a very good thing.

sam-scholfield-02When you open a channel of communication (in person or online) that doesn’t in any way indicate that you’re interested in the person you’re talking with (as you would with a friend), the person being approached will just think you’re a friendly, confident person that they’re being given a chance to help out. Plus, because you’re not being obvious about your interest, they won’t know whether or not you are interested, which immediately makes you more interesting to them. Capiche?

So, how do you do this? How do you talk to someone you like without indicating your interest?

The answer? Have a reason to be talking to your targeted hot someone besides the fact that they’re hot.

In person, you could be needing information about something that’s bugging you (like why people don’t respond to well-written emails on dating sites), and they look like they could be qualified to answer. On the Internet, it’s even easier to come up with a reason for a particular person to help you out with something, because they’ve spelled it out for you in their profile.

For example, I met my current boyfriend on the Internet by asking him about triathlons. His profile picture was of him before a race, and his profile talked a lot about triathlon training. I was mildly interested in triathlons at the time, so I emailed him and said I was interested in knowing more about the sport, and would he mind meeting me for coffee so I could pick his brain. He agreed. We’ve been together ever since. He told me later that he was intrigued by the fact he didn’t know whether or not it was a date, and that’s why he replied. Another major bonus? By asking about something that they’re clearly knowledgeable about, you have guaranteed subject matter to discuss on the actual date.

So, the more descriptive you are on your profile, the better. It gives other people an excuse to email you and a solid reason to be doing so that conveniently puts both of you in the comfortable and interest-inducing spot of not knowing whether or not the other is into you. It also gives you a chance to show off your all-encompassing knowledge of turn-of-the-century Gothic-American literature, your awesome World of Warcraft record, or your impressive adventure racing stats (which any number of people may want to know more about). The more honest you are, the more of a chance you have to find a person who genuinely likes the same things as you (or thinks they might like the same things). Then, you’ll already have something in common, and that’s never a bad thing.

I, for example, now really dig triathlons.

Bottom line, give people a compelling reason to write back (in a non-pushy, “Can you help me?” environment where you steer clear of anything resembling “You’re hot. Want to go out?”), and they probably will.

Samantha Scholfield is the author of the (soon to be bestselling) book, Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys.  When she’s not trying to improve the dating lives of her peers through dating coaching and working on the upcoming guy’s version of “Screw Cupid,” she spends her free time people watching and writing bad poetry in the ubiquitous coffee shops of her newly adopted city of Seattle. “Screw Cupid” is available everywhere books are sold. Learn more at www.screwcupidthebook.com.

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54 Comments »

  • Marlene Sardoff says:

    Let’s face it…guys only want pretty women regardless of their profiles…Fortunately I’m one of the lucky ones w/good genes, but there’s a fly in the ointment. I’m 70+ and look much younger, at least 10 to 15 years, thanx to modern technology and I said before, good genes. But when I specify I’m only seeking men say about 65 – 75..So what happens? I keep getting flirts, interesteds, and let’s e-mail from guys in their 50′s, 40′s, even 30′s, from all points north, east, south and west. Maybe I should be flattered, but it’s ridiculous…of course, Maybe they think I’m a RICH widow…but from my experience my profile is not want sends them, they only keep commenting on my picture, which incidentally is current…
    Also the older guys 65+ seem to want women not my age but 20 to 30 years younger than themselves. And the younger guys want older women. Are they all in this world?
    I seem to be between a rock and a hard place.

  • Val says:

    Sammy J, I’m totally in agreement with your comments, re:weight

    I’ve received a number of emails on other websites and this was one of my main rejection criteria. The other was use of the term, ‘REAL’ man!

    I’d love to find a ‘real’ woman……’nuff said

    Also, not being able to respond because of the no-pay issue sucks!

    Cheers,
    Val from SoCal

  • SammyJ says:

    Have been perusing many of the comments here, which sound like excerpts from “Men are from Mars, women from wherever…”

    As a guy, can’t authoritatively speak for women, but perhaps it would be helpful for a mid-50′s recently divorced man who has been reasonably successful in getting dates (although certainly haven’t found “the One” yet!), to make clear a few facts about the male mindset in this regard:

    1. Sure, a lot of men like to try dating younger women–so what? But it’s not necessarily about “his ego”, or “wanting a trophy”, etc.– it’s simply because many men whether because they’re hard-wired or socialized that way, find younger women more physically attractive, and simply are trying to see if they can pull it off!

    2. The other point which many women don’t like to countenance is that as women get older, particularly in US (not so much Europe & Israel), they often don’t work as hard at staying in shape and being attractive as they could. And like it or not women, the overweight thing is a huge (literally!) issue for many men, even though they won’t always tell you.

    For me (and I know many other men), I won’t even consider a woman who doesn’t list her weight where it’s asked for on the profile, because that itself screams “fat”! And if she is significantly overweight, I really will never get to find out how charming, intelligent, talented, etc., she may be.
    I do think from this and other sites I read that many American women are in denial about this very important attractiveness (also health) issue, and then wonder why they’re not successful in dating world, or adopt a “I’m big and beautiful” self-talk to rationalize it.

    Instead of joining fat empowerment groups, complaining with their girlfriends about how “my whole family is big”, their “slow metabolism”, “hormones”, “pregnancies”, “glandular problems”, or any of the other many excuses I’ve heard from overweight women, the simple truth of the matter is that if your energy intake (read: food) is greater than your energy output (activity,exercise), you’ll gain weight, and vice versa–it’s that simple. (but obviously not that easy for many Americans of both sexes!)
    I can assure you that there’s nothing that turns a man’s head (of any age) more than the sight of a slender woman! (And it’s amazing how few I see these days in the area in which I live, unless I go to NYC!

    3. Don’t be so picky! I heard an interview recently with a woman who runs a dating svc., who said unmarried women in their 40′s and 50′s are often too picky, and way more than men of this age. Her advice was that if they guy is over 80% “right”, then work with the rest of it,realizing that it’s extremely unlikely at this point you’re going to get the “perfect male”!
    So if he fulfills most, but not all, of your criteria, esp. the “dealbreaker” ones (smoking, drinking, whatever), then loosen up a little, try to be a little flexible, realize that you may not be perfect and that you’re 45 pr 50 and see where it goes!

    Hope this helps. Good luck to all!!

  • HappySmile says:

    I have empathy for others; I want someone with empathy for me.
    How can anyone have a full, caring relationship with someone who cares only for themselves, and not for others?
    I answer all messages. I want someone who answers all messages. When I say no, I say it in a gentle way. Remember the Golden Rule?
    If I don’t get an answer, I realize that this person has no empathy. They have self-selected themselves as not suitable for me (or anyone else, for that matter).

    I disagree with the author about playing games to get someone to answer. If, if, they did not answer because they’re empathetic, but only, only, because she “gamed” them correctly, eventually there will be trouble in that relationship, IMO.

    The author talks about sharing activities – that’s nice, but sharing attitudes is more important.

    BTW, I’m a 71 year old guy who’s still young.

  • Mikhael1980's says:

    I’ve actually read all the posts in this thread…

    What all this fuss about the non replies? Really? Just treat it as a ‘NO’. If a lady doesn’t answer to my email (and I write them in all styles and shapes) it’s even better, because after getting to know them, I’d have dumped them anyway for being irresponsible and having a low sense of decency. I say this because when ladies (or guys for that matter) are interested, they make sure to get this across regardless of mine having noticed them yet.

    It’s another issue of generations used to disposable recreation and fun, and not understanding what matters in a relationship (if they know at all what a relationship is for)

    And yeah. It’s hard for any age category. The difference is that some are too lightheaded, while others have grown too thick of habits and find it hard to still be flexible (both personality and physically -wise)

  • Art says:

    I admit to not having read all of the responses in this thread. I read the first 10 or so complaints about men looking for younger women, and it annoyed me to the point of having to respond. I am 59 years old, and have been writing to some women in their late 40s and early 50s. Now, you can say I am looking to re-create my youth if you want to, but I call BS on that. I’m looking for a mature, experienced woman, and I don’t think that wanting to date a woman a few years younger is extreme. Yet many of these women are rejecting me without any real conversation or knowledge of me based on age alone. So this age thing is not exclusive to guys by any means. It’s part of the human tendency to want to categorize a complex and incomprehensible world in a way that breaks it down in a way that’s easier to deal with. Having to resort to “techniques” or ploys to overcome these tendencies seems to be part of playing the dating game. Personally it goes against the grain to have to spend time and energy circumventing a basic human flaw. But basically this is not all that different from encouraging any behavioral change in another – be it another person or just another sentient creature of any sort.

  • Deborah says:

    Dating is definitely frustrating at any age. I am in my late 30s, good looking, intelligent and when I send emails/flirts/e-cards, I don’t get a response either. And Charlie, I DO have hot pictures of me posted. I have been told that I look like Marilyn Monroe, so either these guys don’t like Marilyn Monroe or I don’t know what the problem is.
    I have even followed some of the suggestions from Samantha’s book. Nope, no response. ARRRGGHHHH!!! What is a girl to do? Or not do???

  • Marylinsfun says:

    I just do not understand why a man who email me their phone number and when I call, they do not answer or even respond at all. Or I give them my phone number because they asked for it and they never call. Is something crazy about men of a certain age?

  • anonymous says:

    Hi, I find several things above astonishing. First a man — say without kids and about 50 — is not going to date a woman of his age if he wants children, don’t you think so? Second whatever the “strategy” in a first message is, I strongly consider that it is extraordinarily rude to give no response. A short and mild “sorry but…” suffices. Can you imagine a similar (?) situation at a party where someone you do not know asks you politely to dance and you do not answer??? Let me also say that sending a first mail asking about triathlon or the like might well seem extraordinarily awkward. That might well make people suspicious: members of jdate are not that naive :-)

  • Cauvery says:

    I suppose people don’t reply to messages because they are not paying members and can’t read your e-mails.
    I used to be a paying member. Got never replies to my messages.
    However I got messages from girls who were hiding their profile.

    What the text above concerns, while it may be true that putting something from the profile in a message can draw attention, one must be naive not to understand the reason why you send a message.
    People are on a dating website for dating.
    If I want information I go on Wikipedia.

  • Arik says:

    AH, SHARON, one more word (had to)- so you rejected Stephen on the premise you live in Israel and he… Yes, where does he live? Do you know where he lives? Maybe, by a chance, he is your neighbor????
    All Jdaters have a deep deep scratch, and well, they so resemble one another..

  • Arik says:

    SHARON;
    Well, it looks like you dominate the comments section here;
    You started nice and correctly stated that relationship is not an exact science, and there are no rules in stone, and reading your next comments, I see that you are deeply trapped in the (Israeli Women) concepts and dogmas, and you put very rigid limits (with exact age) to yourself…. Remember- there are no rules; I have dated younger women and older women than me and age was not of an essence. My last relationship, which lasted few years was with a woman 17 years younger than me; and not because I was looking for a younger babe, but because I met her by chance, and we both had a crash on one another.
    So, please, get out of this (Israeli) mind set, because you seem a quality woman, and just live and smile to the world, whatever it brings you. My best. Arik.

  • Nat says:

    Really online dating is so much like “real life” dating. It just takes the one person who recognizes a kindred spirit in your description on your profile to make wading through the craziness worth it. While you don’t have to lay it all on the line in your profile, make sure it speaks from your heart, and that you’re being yourself, not who you think “they” are looking for. And keep the pressure off of any one date by looking at it as a fun night, not the beginning of a love affair! Enjoy someone’s company, get to know them, and if there’s something there, you’ll both know it. If not, no big deal! What I loved about this article is the confidence in herself that she brought to her experience. That’s not going to eliminate crappy, even memoir-worthy dates, but ya gotta keep the faith! Just my two cents.

  • Linda says:

    What many fail to recognize is that non-paying members can not respond. The profiles stay up, and you can e-mail them, and have no way of knowing that they can’t answer. Personally, I would LOVE to know the percentage of members that fit this category. Our egos would all be less bruised!

  • Charlie says:

    Let me enlighten you on how it works from a guy’s perspective:

    Chick sends email via match.
    Guy doesn’t read email.
    Guy looks at picture of girl.
    If girl is hot, guy reads email.
    If girl is hot, email could be in chinese and guy will write back.
    If girl is not hot, email better be really witty…even then…guy will most likely respond like the guy at the party: “No.”

    So ladies, I would recommend putting up your hottest picture.

  • Michael says:

    Rachel, you should seriously become a lifestyle expert! I honestly believe you have the potential to be another Sherri Langburt, who as you know writes many JMag articles and is the founder of Singleedition.com. Both your comments on this article have been very enlightening. Unlike most of the other ladies comments, you are very impartial, as in looking at if from both the male and female viewpoint. The only thing I will state which you probably know anyway, is that a girl can also dump a guy after the first or tenth date too! Anyway, Rachel I hope you continue to express your great views not only on this JMag articles, but other JMag articles in the future. Good luck to you too, as you sound like a lovely person!

  • Rachel says:

    Hi, I have tried email, flirt, e-card, it a hit or miss. I send out a lot of flirts and I get a sold return. It not getting the date it keeping him interested after the date. Or I am not interested in him after I met him. I do not think their is a scientific way to dating, it’s not school it love and life! (I have had a guy ask me why I did not respond to his email, we had not met yet and he was being conformational) remember you are not buying them on line no one is for sale. Do you sleep with him or not? He can just as easily dumb you after the 10th date as the first date. It’s about timing his past experience and if you are what he is looking for. What everyone need to understand is there is nothing wrong with you! It’s that he is looking for someone different than you. It a numbers game put yourself out there and keep meeting men start finding out what you like and put yourself in that situation or key word search with people that have what YOU like. You will be surprise how much more you have in common with them. Then he will find a click and so will you! Good Luck to All!

  • Nicholas says:

    Samantha, maybe I should take up triathlons and since I think my photo looks good, I hope that someone that looks as hot as you asks me about triathlons and that I can be as successful with that lady as your boyfriend has been with you!

  • Simon says:

    Hi Dana. I am glad that you like nice guys! Do you mind if I check out your profile?

  • Dana says:

    Simon… I like nice guys! You shouldn’t take what one person says so seriously and stay true to yourself.

    Cheryl – I would love to see your profile that works so well. Would you mind if I checked it out?

  • Simon says:

    Peggy you are right about stating something unpopular. How can you BE a good partner when most attractive ladies on Jdate won’t even give you the time of day regardless of your photo or profile! I went on a date with a nice attractive lady 3 years ago and she said that most girls go for a guy slightly bad and therefore my photo looked too nice! Therefore the saying nice guys run last is correct. Also, the old saying opposites attract holds true as I know of many cases where either partner is far more domineering than the other and the relationships have worked.

  • Peggy says:

    Okay, I’m going to state something that may be unpopular but is what (I believe) the author is trying to say and which is found in many self-help books.

    The way to find a good partner is to BE a good partner. The best relationships are between equals. That’s why searching for something in someone else that you don’t have yourself is fruitless in the long run. All it will accomplish is anxiety over the person leaving you until they actually DO leave you. I know of many such cases.

    And the “rich older man with the young bimbo wife” never works either b/c the bimbo wife will divorce the rich older man leaving him older and poorer. The wife then becomes an old bimbo trying to attract a quality man and fails miserably. So everyone loses.

    The only way out of his quagmire is to TRULY be confident, to TRULY be independent and self-sufficient and love yourself. THEN, you will look for someone with the qualities you have yourself and who will understand you. This whole “I wouldn’t want to be belong to a club that would have me as a member” is destructive and I try to avoid people who espouse that mentality.

  • Kevin says:

    Brilliant comment Rachel. Another idea would be for JDate to have a standard rejection list (like with the list of the type of flirts)that one can click on to if they don’t like the person who is emailing, flirting or ecarding them. The list would include 1)Thanks, not interested good luck in your search. 2) Thanks but we have nothing in common 3) Thanks but age list search preference is different. Therefore the rejection would not be so personal as it’s standard and also the guy/girl knows exactly where he/she stands.

  • Rachel says:

    It’s very simple. If someone doesn’t respond, s/he is rude and not worth getting to know.

    The bigger problem is that their behavior doesn’t become known to the next person who tries to make contact. Jdate would do us all a favor if their system tracked non-responses: If someone doesn’t bother to reply at all, they should get demoted or tagged as a non-responder. (I mean, please, all it takes it a minute to write, “Thanks, but we’re not meant to be”, etc. etc.)

    Instead, you enable the game players, people who create a profile to use as bait. Their only interest is in counting how many emails they receive.

  • Josh says:

    Hi Cheryl. I like that you know exactly what you want and are picky because of it. I am a friendly, handsome guy in my mid forties. Would it be possible to browse at your profile?

  • Cheryl Klein says:

    My profile is very bold. I know that I want a certain type of guy and I am blunt and to the point. I also go into detail about my many attributes and dare to go where profiles rarely go. I may come off a bit full of myself but I am honest and sound confident. I also show a little of my softer side and this also shows I have feelings and shows I am not only into myself but deeply care for others. This has worked well so try it! Tell it all.

  • Michael says:

    I’ve tried the suggestions by the author even before I read this article. Keep updating my about me profile too.. still nothing. scratching my head. BTW Sharon , Israel – out of curiosity I went to your profile that Jason asked about. I too like pouring rain.coffeetogoA1A6

  • Harry says:

    I have followed your advice Samantha and emailed at least 20 attractive women within 10 years of my age asking them a question about their profile. I am handsome but guess what, not one reply!

  • Ashley says:

    Judi the same applies to women. They do not reply to men’s emails either and a lot of them aren’t beauty queens either. The attractive women on JDate (twenties to forties)I have found impossible to get through to, because they know they’re attractive and can get any man they want. Therefore a lot of rejection occurs. I am sure that if people gave one another a chance and not rejected them outright from anything on their profile, there would be a lot more JDate success stories! I am sure that when these guys can’t get the trophy they’re after, they will date older women. Unfortunately, attractive girls don’t change their mind.

  • Glen says:

    Kathy, I hope you are the minority. What hope do the rest of us guys have if women like you chase guys 10 -15 years younger? Dina, is your cousin attractive that she gets 100 JDates? Did she keep a running total of every date? It’s hard for guys to get one date when there’s some much competition and rejection? If we all waited for our 100 JDate, we would be quite elderly and I dare say, spent a great deal of money on JDate memberships!

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    Hi Stephen! Thanks for the compliment.
    I did say 9-12 is okay, but in general. For me 9 years is the limit and I’m also looking for someone local (since I live in the Holyland), so sorry :-)
    Anyhow, you can still check out my profile if u wish to cure your curiosity, it’s Sharon9814. Shabat Shalom!

  • Julian says:

    I would have to disagree with a lot of the ladies comments. I believe younger single attractive women in their twenties, thirties and forties have the upper hand. It’s true that guys go for beauty, however guys also don’t get responses from women when they email them. When a women is attractive, she gets many emails from guys and therefore she can pick and choose who she wants to deal with. I have found that whether it’s JDate or singles parties there are far more single men than single women, which gives the power to all the women. Not all men want trophy wifes. Yes they want an attractive looking lady but men are finding that attractive ladies of all ages are rejecting them.

  • aimee says:

    Let have and enjoy the moment with know games just open honest fun. Here’s looking at you,baby

  • Stephen says:

    Hi Sharon. You sound a really nice person. I am 44 and I know you have mentioned before that you are in your early thirties. Since you have also mentioned that you think 9-12 years age group is acceptable, would it be possible for me to check out your JDate profile. I consider myself to be a friendly person. I am single with no children and I look fine. All the best.

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    9-12 years of a difference is exceptable. I was refering to 15 years & up, in addition to the person being much more experienced & having gone through a major relationship which includes marriage & children.
    Not to say that there aren’t any couples out there with that age gap, that are happy. But looking for someone that much older/younger intentionally – I think that’s imature & foolish.

  • Peter says:

    Samantha Scholfield, you are hot and the girl of my dreams!

  • Bradley says:

    Can we please have an equivalent for a Boy’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Girls? I wish Samantha Scholfield had seen my profile on the internet and asked me a question. Not enough hot girls do that, unfortunately.

  • Doron says:

    Age differences do work. My father was 9 years older than my mother and they were married for nearly 50 years before he passed away. My brother in law is nearly 12 years older than my sister and they have been married for nearly 24 years and they met on a blind date.

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    I think it’s seldom, that a relationship would work despite an age difference. If you are looking for something casual, I suppose it could work. I find that age actually reflects a person’s state of mind, personal likings & stage in life. Your normal relationship, one that’s going places, has to start from solid, mutual grounds.
    I’m almost 33, and don’t think that 48-50 year old men(even older) with children in their 20′s, have any bussinness approaching me. It’s clear they are done having kids, and we could never have anything in common. There are plenty of beautiful, successfull women out there within the age range, that they could date. Obviously they’re looking for a trophy they can show off, not a real relationship.

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  • Kathy says:

    The behavior described by mature women above, I’ve seen it repeatedly too. Especially comical is the frequent pairing of contradictory thought: I just want to be loved for myself but chasing attractive women 15-20 years younger. I don’t want to date my father. Men my own age can’t keep up with me. Any comments or experience with the “cougar” approach? A male friend suggested it to me. Why shouldn’t successful women look to date younger too? I look 10-15 yrs younger than my age and still have kids at home. I have much more in common with younger men than retirees.

  • Cheryl Klein says:

    I am in my mid forties and I seem to be attracting men from 25 to 63. I usually write back to the men in their thirties that although I am flattered you are just a bit young for me. Most men that email me are within my age group 43 to 52. I don’t believe all men on Jd are looking for a younger woman. I noticed that if you write a bold confident profile adding in some personal describtions of what you like best about yourself. Remember on Jd most of us are only a face, but in the real world menlook at bodies first face second so I found that if I describe the lower part of me noting your best assets, men get a image of whst you look like. Do not post 10 year old photos but very current ones. If you post older pictures and hit it off and have a date the two of u can immediatly spot eachother. This point is sooo important.Tell the truth when you reply emails. Cheryl

  • Jason says:

    I have found that women are extremely picky, especially any lady remotely attractive. I am a decent looking man approaching mid forties and all the ladies I approach in their thirties want younger men. This even applies to some women in their early forties too. They claim that they don’t want to be a carer and widow later in life for many years. I also find that the few dates one is lucky to get, the women will say yes to a second date after the first date, but when it comes to arranging the second date I have heard every excuse in the book from being continually busy, no common ground, no chemistry, found someone else or not ready for a relationship. This applies to try to get first dates as well. I know in a number of cases the women have lied about these reasons too.

  • Dina says:

    Judi, it only takes one. Newly single, I have been learning a lot by listening to the stories of other newly single women I am befriending. The ones I am focusing on are 1) My friend’s cousin who met her love on the ONE HUNDREDTH JDATE!!! and 2) another friend whose grandmother, after a few failed marriages, met the love of her life when she was 73. They had 20 wonderful years together. I am not going to focus on the men with psychological problems who want someone much younger (I already did too much time with a psycho husband!)or who are not realistic in their appraisals of themselves. Why bother? That is not the kind of man I am looking for. I want someone who reads my carefully thought out profile and says “I want to meet this woman!”

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    Judi, I can only tell u what u probably already know: Older men who are looking really hard to date young, do not succeed in most cases. Your average woman’s dream beau is not an older man, since most of them don’t wish to go through things a young girl aspires to, like marriage & kids.
    So they can pine till our messaiah comes, but they won’t get anything of it, except for being even more pathetic than they already are.

  • judi says:

    Have emailed many men– can’t figure out why they arem’t human enogh to at least say no.
    I am attractive, energetic but older — they all seem to be looking for
    younger. — although they are no adonis.
    They all proport to be exciting– skydive, mountain bike, traveled the world—-In my life/job have met millions none are like this– why boast/lie? Trying to be patient but getting burned out

  • Reg says:

    I think lying about your age is counter-productive. It doesn’t matter how great you look given your age. People are either open-minded about these things or they are not. And if they want to be with someone several decades younger (for whatever reason), there is no good reason for you to meet that guy anyway.

  • Nina says:

    Men seam to have the upper hand in the single’s world….weather we’re in our 30′s 40′s or 70′s it gets even worse the older we are….I’m a very attractive 70+ woman….I agree with Sharon…most men are looking to date their daughters or the daughter’s friends. The more money they have the more they feel they deserve it….it would be nice if they would grow up.

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    I myself find that there are no rules. I mean, you have your basics that in most cases it’s best to follow, but bottom line: people who have already found their one, do not have an edge/behaviour/master plan which differs them from single people, they simply got lucky. Relationships are no math. There’s timing, and there’s the fact that when it’s right, it’s just right. It doesn’t necessary have to do with laws.

    And to you Kathleen: I can vouch: it’s no picnic dating in your 30′s either, mostly since men refuse to open their eyes & grow up.

  • kathleen says:

    I followed your advice, and sent out several notes asking for help, or commenting on something in their profiles. to date, not one reply. each of these men are much older than I am and looking for women much younger than I. It’s hard to be in your mid-50′s with men looking for youth to recreate theirs.
    what do you think about lying about your age and fessing up later???

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