Comments on: Getting a Reply: The Golden Goal of Online Dating

By: openherbox.info

openherbox.info — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:21:36 +0000

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By: Peter

Peter — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:41:00 +0000

Yes, Marlene, guys do want attractive ladies a lot younger than them. In my case, I am mid forties and I have found that most of the attractive ladies have been divorced with kids. As I have always been single, I want a younger attractive lady who has not been married and who does not have children!

By: Marlene Sardoff

Marlene Sardoff — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 16:52:51 +0000

Let’s face it…guys only want pretty women regardless of their profiles…Fortunately I’m one of the lucky ones w/good genes, but there’s a fly in the ointment. I’m 70+ and look much younger, at least 10 to 15 years, thanx to modern technology and I said before, good genes. But when I specify I’m only seeking men say about 65 – 75..So what happens? I keep getting flirts, interesteds, and let’s e-mail from guys in their 50′s, 40′s, even 30′s, from all points north, east, south and west. Maybe I should be flattered, but it’s ridiculous…of course, Maybe they think I’m a RICH widow…but from my experience my profile is not want sends them, they only keep commenting on my picture, which incidentally is current…
Also the older guys 65+ seem to want women not my age but 20 to 30 years younger than themselves. And the younger guys want older women. Are they all in this world?
I seem to be between a rock and a hard place.

By: Val

Val — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:03:05 +0000

Sammy J, I’m totally in agreement with your comments, re:weight

I’ve received a number of emails on other websites and this was one of my main rejection criteria. The other was use of the term, ‘REAL’ man!

I’d love to find a ‘real’ woman……’nuff said

Also, not being able to respond because of the no-pay issue sucks!

Cheers,
Val from SoCal

By: SammyJ

SammyJ — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 23:26:38 +0000

Have been perusing many of the comments here, which sound like excerpts from “Men are from Mars, women from wherever…”

As a guy, can’t authoritatively speak for women, but perhaps it would be helpful for a mid-50′s recently divorced man who has been reasonably successful in getting dates (although certainly haven’t found “the One” yet!), to make clear a few facts about the male mindset in this regard:

1. Sure, a lot of men like to try dating younger women–so what? But it’s not necessarily about “his ego”, or “wanting a trophy”, etc.– it’s simply because many men whether because they’re hard-wired or socialized that way, find younger women more physically attractive, and simply are trying to see if they can pull it off!

2. The other point which many women don’t like to countenance is that as women get older, particularly in US (not so much Europe & Israel), they often don’t work as hard at staying in shape and being attractive as they could. And like it or not women, the overweight thing is a huge (literally!) issue for many men, even though they won’t always tell you.

For me (and I know many other men), I won’t even consider a woman who doesn’t list her weight where it’s asked for on the profile, because that itself screams “fat”! And if she is significantly overweight, I really will never get to find out how charming, intelligent, talented, etc., she may be.
I do think from this and other sites I read that many American women are in denial about this very important attractiveness (also health) issue, and then wonder why they’re not successful in dating world, or adopt a “I’m big and beautiful” self-talk to rationalize it.

Instead of joining fat empowerment groups, complaining with their girlfriends about how “my whole family is big”, their “slow metabolism”, “hormones”, “pregnancies”, “glandular problems”, or any of the other many excuses I’ve heard from overweight women, the simple truth of the matter is that if your energy intake (read: food) is greater than your energy output (activity,exercise), you’ll gain weight, and vice versa–it’s that simple. (but obviously not that easy for many Americans of both sexes!)
I can assure you that there’s nothing that turns a man’s head (of any age) more than the sight of a slender woman! (And it’s amazing how few I see these days in the area in which I live, unless I go to NYC!

3. Don’t be so picky! I heard an interview recently with a woman who runs a dating svc., who said unmarried women in their 40′s and 50′s are often too picky, and way more than men of this age. Her advice was that if they guy is over 80% “right”, then work with the rest of it,realizing that it’s extremely unlikely at this point you’re going to get the “perfect male”!
So if he fulfills most, but not all, of your criteria, esp. the “dealbreaker” ones (smoking, drinking, whatever), then loosen up a little, try to be a little flexible, realize that you may not be perfect and that you’re 45 pr 50 and see where it goes!

Hope this helps. Good luck to all!!

By: HappySmile

HappySmile — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:19:50 +0000

I have empathy for others; I want someone with empathy for me.
How can anyone have a full, caring relationship with someone who cares only for themselves, and not for others?
I answer all messages. I want someone who answers all messages. When I say no, I say it in a gentle way. Remember the Golden Rule?
If I don’t get an answer, I realize that this person has no empathy. They have self-selected themselves as not suitable for me (or anyone else, for that matter).

I disagree with the author about playing games to get someone to answer. If, if, they did not answer because they’re empathetic, but only, only, because she “gamed” them correctly, eventually there will be trouble in that relationship, IMO.

The author talks about sharing activities – that’s nice, but sharing attitudes is more important.

BTW, I’m a 71 year old guy who’s still young.

By: Mikhael1980's

Mikhael1980's — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 02:07:22 +0000

I’ve actually read all the posts in this thread…

What all this fuss about the non replies? Really? Just treat it as a ‘NO’. If a lady doesn’t answer to my email (and I write them in all styles and shapes) it’s even better, because after getting to know them, I’d have dumped them anyway for being irresponsible and having a low sense of decency. I say this because when ladies (or guys for that matter) are interested, they make sure to get this across regardless of mine having noticed them yet.

It’s another issue of generations used to disposable recreation and fun, and not understanding what matters in a relationship (if they know at all what a relationship is for)

And yeah. It’s hard for any age category. The difference is that some are too lightheaded, while others have grown too thick of habits and find it hard to still be flexible (both personality and physically -wise)

By: Art

Art — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:00:07 +0000

I admit to not having read all of the responses in this thread. I read the first 10 or so complaints about men looking for younger women, and it annoyed me to the point of having to respond. I am 59 years old, and have been writing to some women in their late 40s and early 50s. Now, you can say I am looking to re-create my youth if you want to, but I call BS on that. I’m looking for a mature, experienced woman, and I don’t think that wanting to date a woman a few years younger is extreme. Yet many of these women are rejecting me without any real conversation or knowledge of me based on age alone. So this age thing is not exclusive to guys by any means. It’s part of the human tendency to want to categorize a complex and incomprehensible world in a way that breaks it down in a way that’s easier to deal with. Having to resort to “techniques” or ploys to overcome these tendencies seems to be part of playing the dating game. Personally it goes against the grain to have to spend time and energy circumventing a basic human flaw. But basically this is not all that different from encouraging any behavioral change in another – be it another person or just another sentient creature of any sort.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:26:42 +0000

Dating is definitely frustrating at any age. I am in my late 30s, good looking, intelligent and when I send emails/flirts/e-cards, I don’t get a response either. And Charlie, I DO have hot pictures of me posted. I have been told that I look like Marilyn Monroe, so either these guys don’t like Marilyn Monroe or I don’t know what the problem is.
I have even followed some of the suggestions from Samantha’s book. Nope, no response. ARRRGGHHHH!!! What is a girl to do? Or not do???

By: Marylinsfun

Marylinsfun — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:16:45 +0000

I just do not understand why a man who email me their phone number and when I call, they do not answer or even respond at all. Or I give them my phone number because they asked for it and they never call. Is something crazy about men of a certain age?