Thanks for reading my articles. Your initial contact letter needs to be unique and not a form letter. Too many guys write the same thing over and over. Read the girl’s profile a couple of times before you write something to her. Mention something specific in the profile that you liked or that you had in common. Be original and maybe even funny. Don’t write only 2 sentences, but also don’t write War and Peace. Don’t ask her out or suggest meeting in the first email. Let her get back to you. Tell her that you would be interested in learing more about her and look forward to hearing back from her.

Great article! I have your book and loved it! Great book everyone I suggest you buy it. It helps a lot! I recently had a date that used me to get a phone charger. Yeah call that bizarre. I only found out later from her adopted mother that she had bipolar. But, she didn’t tell me right off the bat and lied to me. Even lied to me that she was a smoker. I lost over $200 because she wanted to go on a road trip to Connecticut to settle a score with her ex- boyfriend. I tagged along. Bad mistake. She sounded so convincing and sweet yet she was bipolar and crazy. I now have to go back to square one after thinking I was getting somewhere. Turns out, it was nothing. My confidence isn’t shaken from this I still believe my special someone is out there. But, I have to admit I was really upset two weekends ago. My life was at risk ladies! Sweet guys don’t come around that often and I was taken advantage of!:-( My question Brad, what are women looking for in the first email forget thinking about getting the first date? I need to get back on the horse. Thanks for your help!

Please expand on the second date experience. What turns a guy off enough to not want a second date.

Thanks,

Melissa

In fact, and going back a step, I think I really need some tips on getting replies to my e-mails. Best to learn to walk before I think about learning to run.

Brad, if you have any suggestions, I am truly all ears (or, eyes in this case).

When women offer to pay, they generally don’t mean it at all. It’s just a test that you can pass (or not) as you wish.

Women like to be equal – except when the check is on the table.

Thank you very much for the great comments. I apologize for not checking in earlier.

Many of the answers to the questions can be found in my book: http://bit.ly/RhEgp

Joel G– Read comments from the women on my April 15th article. Take charge man! You need to make the plans. Find out what are of town works for her and make the plans. Women want that.

Dan— a guy should pay for the first 3 dates regardless who initiates the date. Gentlemen do that. Sometimes women WILL test you on that. If you let them pay, they will not like it.

Reuben— find a girl that likes what YOU like. Those that need to drink their faces off aren’t for you. It’s not what you want. People need to have similar interests and values. If a girl wants to go party every night, she isn’t for you, but is for somebody else.

Mike— set up a time limit beforehand. If the date is for 8pm, tell her you have to meet people at 9. This way, it doesn’t seem as if you are bolting. If you like her, stay a few minutes longer. She will “get it” that you like her.

Hilary Proctor.

ps

I am now changing my age data and am going for the younger man. Whether I find my soulmate remains to be seen but you have to be out there for things to happen.

As you mentioned, ending a date that didn’t have a connection is uncomfortable. Your suggestion is a good start but isn’t it best to just be clear, acknowledge that its not a match and wish each other luck finding the person that they are looking for?

For that matter one of the most important things not listed here is paying attention to her feelings and signals instead of your own, while staying positive and empathic. Also always hold your personal boundaries and values rather than kowtow to hers if you get the sense somehow they’re being infringed upon or you’re trying too hard to please – you aren’t meant for each other either way then and human nature means people in general don’t fall for those who try too hard to please them.

I’m meantime usually quite intent on always paying for the date – several women’s magazines advise their readers to test the guy by offering to pay. If he doesn’t he automatically fails.

As for conversation, what I’ve found is that while as the guy you mustn’t ever dominate or brag, you must however steer it subtly. For example when it’s getting too serious, try make light of the topic or steer it away towards happier ground. Our memories are grounded in emotion and we’re more likely to remember something or someone fondly if we get good feelings from such memories.