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Throw Out That List

Submitted by 4 Comments

Most single people maintain a list of traits, characteristics or attributes they desire in a future mate. Some people seek brunettes or blondes, and others refuse to date somebody older than a specific age. Many people prefer tall, while others don’t care about height. Others seek a mate employed in a specific profession or in a certain socioeconomic group, while others prefer somebody with strong character. Unfortunately, the list tends to get longer as we grow older, making it more difficult to finally find that “perfect” partner.

I suggest that all of you reevaluate your lists. Better yet, throw them out. You are needlessly limiting your choices. One never knows where your future mate might be and you might even be surprised with whom you would be most compatible. The longer you believe that you will find that one person that has all ten of your most desired qualities, the longer you will be single.

Here are a few suggestions:

First, widen your search criteria on JDate. Perhaps you increase the maximum age of your desired match in your search. Maybe you lower the height requirement by a couple of inches.

Second, expand your geographic range. Stop looking for matches that are strictly within a ten mile radius. Expand the range to the maximum. Better yet, if you live in New York, but would be open to moving to Florida, why not do a search in Florida?

Third, stop being so picky when it comes to a person’s occupation. Too many people will not agree to meet somebody because they don’t work on Wall Street or they aren’t a doctor or attorney. There are many other professions in the world where people can be successful. Give these people a chance.

Fourth, don’t avoid dating somebody because they don’t make $1mm a year. While money is important, too many people, especially women, will refuse to meet a guy who is not making a certain amount of money. People need to remember that relationships are built on love, friendship, physical attraction, trust, honesty, integrity and similar goals and values. Money is important, but it isn’t the foundation of the relationship. Instead, it is icing on the cake.

Finally, don’t think that you are going to marry a fashion model. Most guys want to marry the most physically attractive girl in the world. I have news for you guys. It’s not going to happen. Take a look in the mirror and see if you are the most attractive person in the world. If not, try to be a little more realistic in life.

While all of these attributes are very important, try not to refuse a date with somebody because he/she is one year too old, or a couple of pounds overweight. If they possess many of the qualities you need, it is worth a date. You never know what can happen.

I appreciate all of the comments and emails I have been getting over the past few months. Should there be a topic you would like me to write about in the future, please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.

After being a bachelor for many years and counseling his friends about dating, Brad Berkowitz, who is now a JDate Success Story, decided to write the book, The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over 20 Years, to help other men navigate the dating scene. To purchase the book, click here! For more articles by Brad, click here.
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4 Comments »

  • Rachael says:

    There seems to be a sort of societal joke played on those of us looking for the “one”. As women, the media tells us we need to be thin and fit in order to be loved. Society as a whole tells us we need to have a successful career. And internally some (though not all) want to have a family. But reality is that we can’t have it all (successful career, family…etc. Something has to give). So how do we choose? We work all day and are too tired to go out to meet people, then we cut back on hours and people say what? You don’t work full-time? Or you’re in school?? Guys want the hard-working, beautiful, kind woman (and we try to be that) but in the end the nice girls are at home tired and the guys are marrying the maybe beautiful hard-working, but not kind and gentle women? (or non-Jews). Some of us are ok with a non-doctor, lawyer, CPA…a few extras pounds or less hair but the whole process is just frankly exhausting…oy vey…I need a nap!

    PS-not all hard-working beautiful women are not kind I’m just saying in my experience more often than not the nice guys end up with the not nice girls and I just don’t get it!

  • Brad Berkowitz says:

    Absolutely right. Delays are inevitable. Exchange phone numbers and let each other know what you will be wearing.

  • frankspigel says:

    one suggestion you might want to make to the gentlemen, if you what you will wear let your date know. For Example say if you are going to wear a navy blazer, It is a good idea to let your date know in advance something like that, I didn’t and think I should have. We did meet-up,
    Remember Even if you tell the host or hostess at the restaurant, they
    could be seating someone else when you arrive, at someoneelse will seat
    you.
    Also when you confirm your meeting place beforehand, it is a good idea to exchange cell phone numbers.
    My reason for suggesting this is because their good be a major delay due to a traffic accident or public transit incident, that will make you late this could happen no matter, how carefully you plan in advance.

  • jasmin says:

    can you pleast tell guys stop being players,and explain to them that getting married is not the end of the world.beacuse i know many of them ,and if you dont be physical with them they just leave you.
    tnx.

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