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Bar Mitzvah Crashers

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When it comes to Jewish dating, you’ve been there, done him. JDates, blind dates, good dates, bad dates, and you’re still sitting at home single. Well, ladies, leave the house. Be proactive, get out there, wake up and smell the charoset. JDate’s great, but you still have to show your shayna punim in public. You have to go where the Jewish boys are. You have to kick it where Jews congregate. You have to get your cute tuchus to a giant Jewish simcha…even if you weren’t invited to one.

No—I’m not talking about Wedding Crashers. Please—what kind of nice Jewish girl do you think I am?  I’m talking about Bar Mitzvah Crashers. You heard me—those coming of age affairs are a sea of single Jews waiting to be snagged. Think of all those twenty-something cousins trapped at a party full of pre-teens. Think of all those thirty-something uncles sitting alone at Table Eight. Think of all those eligible bachelors doing the electric slide with alta kockers. Those guys are good to go. And there’s no shortage of shindigs to show up to. You can hit up Aiden’s service Saturday morning, Lisa’s soiree Saturday afternoon and Bobby’s big blowout on Saturday night.

And talk about a perfect pick-up setting: The dress code ranges from semi-formal to faputzed, which means you can flaunt your poulkes in a pint-sized dress. There’s always an open Manischewitz bar, so your Bar Mitzvah bachelor will already be buzzed. And every celebration has an over the top theme. So, even if you don’t bring home a Hebrew hottie, you can bring home a lovely centerpiece. And who doesn’t want a “Mike’s Favorite M.M.A. Stars” floral arrangement for their front hall? Trust me, Bar/Bat Mitzvah season is the prime time to meet your mensch, even if it means crashing a couple of ceremonies.

Don’t drop your jaw at me. Crashing is nothing new to Jews. You think those party animals waited for Noah’s formal invite before they boarded their booze cruise? You think our ancestors waited for Moses’s Evite® before escaping from Egypt?

“Fellow Jews and Slaves, You are formally invited to Run For Your Lives. Please RSVP so God knows how much manna to make. Can’t wait to see everyone! Mo”

C’mon, our ancestors didn’t wait for their bread to rise or for an invite to arrive. So what are you waiting for? The only thing that stands between you and your Beshert is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah guest list. So grab your wingman, a little bit of chutzpah, and an eighteen dollar check. And the directions to Temple Shalom on Central Street…I always get that one confused with Temple Israel on Main.

Ok, ok, fine, maybe you won’t be crashing a Bar Mitzvah anytime soon. But you should definitely attend any Jewish event to which you’re invited. Show up. Be present. Just say yes—and not just to a proposal. I mean, obviously you should say yes to a proposal, especially if you like the guy. But, to get to that whole one knee-big-rock moment, you have to say yes to every invitation you receive. Boss’s kid’s Bar Mitzvah—yes. Landlord’s Latke Party—yes. Neighbor’s Passover Seder —yes, yes, yes!  Because you never know when finding the afikomen at a seder will lead to finding the love of your life. Hmm… Seder Crashers—now there’s an idea.

Carin Davis is the author of LIFE, LOVE, LOX: Real World Advice for the Modern Jewish Girl. To purchase the book click here. For more information visit www.lifelovelox.com

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8 Comments »

  • Chris says:

    A good idea is to order bar mitzvah invitations like these and require them for admission. Anyone without is not welcome.

  • Boris Moshabev says:

    I agree with Eric’s principles. To me it is the same as a woman lying about her age; which is the first thing we see alongside of the picture.
    Since a relationship must be built on honesty, starting out deceiptful is a mistake.

    Then again, imagine being at a wedding and telling the story of how you met your wife by stealing food at her nephew’s bar mitzvah. Somehow I do not find that plausible.

  • Eric says:

    Crashing Bar-Mitzvahs to meet “those guys [that] are good to go” sounds on the surface like a creative and resourceful way to try to meet eligible Jewish men for dating and relationships.

    The unwitting “legitimate” male guest – the mark – could be just the the ticket to cure that palpable anxiety among women 30-something and “ticking” ….. or among 40ish 50-ish single never marrieds who have held out for 25 years knowing that that perfect guy – with all of the catalog requirements she needs – is the next one … or divorcees needing to feel they’re still desirable … or for sure, it would work for serial daters.

    The idea of crashing a Bar Mitzvah makes for great copy in this Jdate article and might even make for a funny vignette on some sitcom or right out of some Doris Day-like movie.

    Teen-scene pubescent behavior can be fun and funny – when you’re a teen.

    But, if a relationship is to be built upon a powerful foundation of candor, integrity, ethics and trust, to ensure a deep and lasting connection, there is a problem with this Bar Mitzvah crashing endorsement.

    Sorry. But, the very first interaction or connection resulting from the Bar Mitzvah Crash – is a function of doing something wrong, something misleading, something underhanded at best, even fraudulent. The crasher is in short, stealing.

    Better to practice the Golden Rule. If you were the hosts of the Bar Mitzvah, would you really want someone stealing a place, a platter (albeit only a $50 or $100 or more expense) at the event, or the thought that someone violated the boundaries of this safe space you thought you might have created. On the surface, how is the crasher any different from the grifter – the impostor – seeking some eligible man for their own benefit?

    If someone is going to do something underhanded, where does it stop …. and how would that behavior manifest later, carrying over into any relationship?

  • Carole says:

    Since I live in S.E. Florida, I know that most of these B’nai Mitzvah crashers are elderly ladies with huge tote bags who are more interested in carrying off the free schneken than neckin’

  • Dr. Morty Winner says:

    What a refreshing,sweet and kind idea.And if anyone gets suspicious of your “outsider “presence,you’re here to check out the:DJ,caterer,room size,Rabbi,etc.for the Simcha of your kid brother,sister,etc.And you may get a chance to dance with someone who you like.And thank you from all the eligible guys who catch a glimpse of your lovely poulkes and the wonders wrought by the flattering push-up bra.Finally,you can enjoy all the cake and cookies you want-no one watches the adults.So go,enjoy,crash the party.It will be fun,you’ll see.

  • Josh Rachlis says:

    Wait a minute… In regards to Sarah’s comment above… “Our Jewish Carrie Bradshaw?” Call me crazy, but isn’t “Sarah Jessica Parker” a Jewish name? ;)

  • Josh Rachlis says:

    Seder Crashers! Love it. I shall start writing the screenplay immediately. Somebody get Seth Rogen and Jessie Eisenberg on the phone to play the leads!

  • Sarah says:

    I love Carin’s advice and can’t wait to read her book! Our Jewish Carrie Bradshaw :)

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