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How to Be the Person You’re Looking For

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My interview with lifestyle coach Jared Matthew Weiss was unlike any other business meeting I have ever had.  Jared and I met at a coffee shop, and I immediately liked his energy.  After ten minutes there, he said he needed a pedicure and opted for the special seaweed plan.  In order to carry on with the interview, I got a pedicure in the chair next to him.  As I watched Jared get his legs wrapped in seaweed, he told me about his “help self” program and how he has helped thousands of single New Yorkers find true love and happiness by working on themselves to be the person they are looking to attract.

I went through Jared’s “help self” program and did all of the work on myself that his typical clients do.  I wrote out three significant moments in my life in the categories of love, success, growth, laughter, pleasure, loss, anger, fear, joy and hope.  I then wrote out all of the lessons I had learned on the topics of relationships, career, body, friends, family, home, money, style and fun.  Many of these ideas can be defined as “old ideas” that are holding you back in your personal growth.  For example, an old idea about love could be that love isn’t forever, which would then be transferred into your current relationship. 

Jared gave me a new mission statement, which was to be happy in life.  Every day I am supposed to repeat the mantra, “Happiness is living the life I want.  I cannot choose what has happened to me, but I can choose what I want to learn from these experiences and how to deal with them.”

The goal of “Help Self” is to teach you how to live the life you want by offering people a “makeover” of their perspectives and teaching them how to see the world differently.  Jared extracted all of the old ideas that were not working for me and helped me replace those ideas with new theories and commitments; the goal being to enact more positive ideas in my life on a daily basis.  In order to prove the new theories true, I have made daily commitments to them.

By examining your philosophy on the world, you realize that what you choose to do in your life is based on the lessons you choose to learn from your life experiences.  From the men you are dating to the place you are living in, you first have to identify what the lessons are before you can move forward. 

Jared’s lifestyle program is based on self-love and individual style.  He helps people achieve living these virtues in various ways- whether it is getting them to work out, leaving their ex boyfriends or quitting their jobs to do something they are passionate about.  “Help self” is based on self-love and personal style.

Jared dished on the secret to being successful with dating as well!

“The people that are successful with dating know how to take care of themselves.  Successful relationships include people that love the life that they have.  When it comes to dating, I help people put their lives together so they are comfortable in their own skin, so that they love their lives and are ready to share their lives with others.  If you are a complete person and you have done what you need to do to love your life, then dating isn’t that hard.  If it’s really hard, then maybe you do not love yourself to the maximum potential.”

Jared’s Most Important Dating Tip:

“You need to really love the life you are living.  Love the life you have and want to share it, rather than hating the life you have and wanting to latch on to someone else.”

Other “Help Self” dating tips to attract the partner you are looking for and thus, improve your dating life:

  • Wake up and make sure you love the way you look
  • Love the people you are surrounding yourself with
  • Do good things for your body and mind every day
  • Make sure that whatever career path you have chosen is one that brings you passion

What are the biggest mistakes that people make?

“People focus more on changing their partner than changing themselves.  You set the standard for how people should treat you.  I take care of me in all ways. There is an unspoken, demanded respect from the people in my life because they see how much I respect myself.  It is hard to date or look for a significant other when you don’t demonstrate that kind of self-respect.”

What is the ultimate “Help Self” finish line for dating?

“Dating is the finish line after you have done all this work on yourself.  You might even get married and have some kids, but it ultimately won’t work. In business, they call it “due diligence” on a brand or market to see how the concept or campaign will work. If you do all of your due diligence on yourself, you can create the best product possible. But most people don’t do the necessary research.”

Before putting the microscope up to your partner, make sure you have addressed the following for yourself:

What is the right place for me to live?

What is the right style?

Am I in the right job?

Am I eating the right meals and taking care of my body?

My main takeaway from working with Jared Matthew Weiss was to love myself, find my individual style and continue on the path of self-discovery.  After meeting with Jared, I will say that I have noticed a considerable difference in my life.  Jared did not teach me a “secret” formula for success; instead he brought me back to the very basics of the things I should have been doing that I was neglecting.

Many times we enter into relationships and lose track of ourselves in the process because we are focused so much on making the relationship work as an entity.  Jared helped bring the focus back to my life, and by making daily commitments to the things that bring me happiness, I have found an increased level of serenity in all areas of my life.  I will be the first to admit that my pedicure meeting and 10 am meetings in coffee shops in Little Italy with Jared made me a skeptic, but after 30 days of his program, I do feel that the secret was in fact inside of me the whole time. Jared helped shed light on it. 

To sum it up, a favorite quote of Jared’s that I agree with is, “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” I urge all of you sassy singles out there to follow the same advice and continue the process of self-discovery before entering into a relationship. Be the person you want to attract into your life!

About the Author
Kristen Ruby is the President & Founder of Ruby Media Group, a Social Media Marketing, Public Relations & Personal Branding Agency. Follow Kris on Twitter @sparklingruby or via her blog.
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