How To Tell If He’s Into You
20 signs to help you know if your guy is into you
I recently interviewed professional matchmaker Marni Galison regarding how to tell if a man is into you. I first encountered Marni when I read her spot-on Sunday at Noon piece, “The Phenomenon of the Manhattan Man Boy.” Galison has great insight into the world of dating and I thoroughly identified with her portrayal of how the typical “Manhattan Man Boy” dates. This is a land filled with Peter Pan type men, where there are numerous options on every corner of the city and, because of such endless possibilities, everyone is indecisive as to whom they should settle down with.
In a city where it is so difficult to connect with someone and find an ultimate soul mate, how do you truly know if you have connected with “the one,” especially after only dating for a few months? Every couple reaches a certain plateau in their relationship, usually between 8 months and 1 year, when they begin to re-evaluate their compatibility. Just as I, too, found myself doing this I connected with Marni and was amazed by her great insight into “how to tell if he’s into you.” These are valuable thoughts from a matchmaking pro; insight that is sure to cause controversy for all couples should they notice a significant other is doing less than half of what’s mentioned on the list, below.
What is the main difference in the way men and women communicate?
Women tend to be great verbal communicators, whereas men tend to communicate through action. We are programmed to be this way through thousands of years of evolution. It’s all a result of how estrogen and testosterone affect our interactions with each other.
Therefore, we have different ways of communicating our feelings. Sometimes men will say things that they “need” to say (i.e. what they think women want to hear) to either get what they want or simply to keep the peace. This is not to say that all men are manipulative, it’s just that with regard to men and dating, the old aphorism “actions speak louder than words” is very applicable. With regard to most men, you can’t tell if they’re serious about the relationship or a particular woman by what they are saying – rather, you need to look at their actions. I advise my female clients to not take what a man says seriously until they actually SEE it in action, as opposed to just hearing it.
So, here are some obvious things men do that demonstrate they are interested in something other than just a fling. In short, doing these things is indicative of the man thinking of the relationship as having long term potential.
If a guy is interested in you long term, he will:
- Introduce you to his friends
- Introduce you to his mother (that’s a big one!)
- Ask you to go away on either a weekend or extended trip. (Guys are very protective of their time so if they are willing to spend 24/7 with the woman they are seeing and spend money on her that says a lot)
- Invite you as a plus one to a friend’s or family member’s wedding
- Invite you to spend a major holiday with his family
- Cook dinner for you—especially if he doesn’t cook
- Call you every day
- Invite you to an office party (he is showing his co-workers his private life, which can be very significant)
- (If he’s a sport fan) Take you, and not one of his buddies, to a big sporting event (there is no way a guy is going to waste a ticket on a girl that he doesn’t want to be serious with)
- Buy you an expensive gift
In addition, here are 10 more subtle cues that indicate the guy is thinking more long term:
- Is very protective of you safety (e.g. he checks in to make sure you got home ok; men want to protect and provide for a woman they care about)
- Shares photos and old stories of his youth with you – especially photos of when he was going through his “awkward stage”
- Shares his clothes with you (a favorite sweatshirt, for example, and is excited to see you in it!)
- Invites you to stay over but not for physical intimacy – just to have you there (for example, he is wiped out, knows it is that time of the month, but still asks you to sleep over; this is particularly significant early on in a relationship)
- Takes care of you when you are sick/lets you take care of him when he is sick
- When given the choice between going out with his buddies on a Friday or Saturday night, he chooses spending the evening with you
- Shares things about his past with you, especially things that illustrate his vulnerability (when a man is showing his vulnerability that is a huge indicator that he is starting to fall for a woman; men don’t like to look bad, be analyzed or show weakness)
- Shares things he’s written with you (poems, journal entries, etc.)
- Does something that the woman likes, even though it’s not his thing — a guy’s not going to do that if he’s not serious about you
- Talks to you about methods of birth control — not as a form of safe sex, but an indication of only wanting to be with you (i.e. to have an exclusive relationship)
How many of these signs does your boyfriend exhibit? If he exhibits more then half of the list, you have a long-term keeper on your hands! If he exhibits less then half of the list, you may need to reconsider the long-term potential of the relationship.
Marni Galison is the Founder and CEO of Sunday at Noon, a matchmaking business specializing in personalized introductions and upscale events for New York single professionals. Marni graduated from Georgetown University in 1995 and received her law degree from Emory University Law School in 1998. Marni successfully practiced law in New York for almost ten years before starting her matchmaking business helping men and women take control of their love lives. Marni hopes that her clients, friends and all single New Yorkers will find the insights on the Sunday at Noon Blog enlightening and entertaining!
Kristen Ruby is the President & Founder of Ruby Media Group, a Social Media Marketing, Public Relations & Personal Branding Agency. Follow Kris on Twitter @sparklingruby or via her blog.