The guy I’m dating still has a JDate profile. Is that kosher?
Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I met a wonderful man on JDate a year ago. We’ve been going out since then. We have a wonderful relationship and are in love. Since the relationship started getting serious, I canceled my account on JDate and asked him to do the same. He didn’t cancel his but he kept offline for a while (MONTHS). Then he reactivated it again, and he told me he did so and visited the site a couple of times only because he was bored.
I got very upset, because I think flirting online with other women is cheating. But I also told him that it was up to him to keep his account and that I wasn’t going to reactivate mine only because I respect him. However, I had the feeling he was still visiting JDate and contacting other women. So, I opened a fake profile and did contact him with my fake profile. I feel broken hearted and sad. I don’t know what to do.
On one hand, if I tell him about my fake profile, he might think I’m sticking him, but on the other hand I feel betrayed. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO. Thank you, I truly appreciate your advice.
Whether or not you chose to tell him about your fake profile, it seems pretty clear that you two do not see eye-to-eye about this relationship. It hardly sounds like a “wonderful relationship” between two people who “are in love” with each other.
Unless you’ve agreed to have an “open” relationship in which you date other people, then he is cheating on you by going online and flirting with others. What are your boundaries? And once you have decided that, have you communicated them clearly?
If he doesn’t want to commit to you on the level you want, then this relationship should have ended yesterday. If he says he does want an exclusive relationship with you, then tell him that he must fend off his boredom some other way. Trolling around for single women is not an acceptable “hobby” for a person in a committed love relationship.
— The Matchmaker Rabbi