Comments on: I’m confused by the mixed signals my significant other is giving me.

By: Josh

Josh — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 22:06:20 +0000

As a man with some commitment issues, I think you’ve made the right decision to break up. He doesn’t seem ready, for whatever reason, to make this move with you.

However, after reading through the comments I respectfully disagree with Sharon, who said that ‘mixed signals after three months’ mean that you should end the relationship. I don’t think that three months is enough time to understand what the relationship is really like. Some ambivalence at that point is ok; the couple is just starting to get to know each other. 18 months, however, is more than long enough. Good luck moving on to someone who is ready.

By: sylvie

sylvie — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:25:04 +0000

Wish I had read this 5 years ago…and again this year….it is good to know that I am not alone- it makes it easier to move on. Hopefully we all find the “one” that we deserve- and he will be eager to commit! : )

By: Missie

Missie — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:31:59 +0000

All great comments and advice. It sounds very common. And yes, it is difficult to move on when you realize that someone has been “playing” you until “something better comes along.” The smorgasbord of the internet dating sites beckon these losers. Rather than be candid, they are content to string others along, users if you will. One thing that helps is to remember that you can’t make someone love you. And, as another commented, why would you want to be with someone who does not want to commit to you? Why would you want to be with someone who continues to search elsewhere while “devoted” to you? Not real devotion…it is real deception.
Keep positive and know that you deserve the best and never, ever settle for less.

By: Nivchara

Nivchara — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:13:01 +0000

Clues that “He’s just not that into you”

1. You tell him you love him and he says “I’m flattered” or “I’m not worthy”
2. He won’t see you or spend time with you
3. Calls you at HIS convenience but when you call “It’s a bad time”
4. Keeps telling you that “I don’t have a crystal ball and I can’t say what will happen in the future”.
5. Doesn’t tell you about important things that happen in his life for example, waits till your on the phone with him for 45 minutes before telling you he had an accident in his car that day, or doesn’t tell you that he has a gig right around the corner from where you work, or doesn’t tell you that his custody agreement has been signed till a week later when it comes up in a conversation, even though THAT’s what you’ve been waiting for months
6. Tells you that it’s not working for him at the slightest infraction on your part.

There are probably many more but in my experience, if you see any of these things it’s time to get out before you get really hurt and take my word for it, even if you get out then, it WILL hurt you a lot worse than it will ever hurt him, and THAT my friends is yet another clue.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 22:38:22 +0000

He can’t commit? Mixed signals all over the place. Answer is simple; there are other woman in the background. Just went through 10 years of this nonsense.

By: R

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 23:59:59 +0000

Sharon is correct that I immediately decide if I’m pursuing a woman as a potential mate or for fun. I’ve also been on the receiving end.

Responding to Laurie: I dated a woman who decided that we’d marry within a year of meeting. The more she pushed, the more I pushed back. It might have worked if it wasn’t for her self-imposed schedule.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 01:41:36 +0000

Why would anyone want someone that they have to “get to commit”?..you can’t get anyone to do anything…committing should be mutual and borne of desire on both parts, anything else NEVER can work..too many people don’t have the inner strength or sense of self to be upfront with their feelings, especially negative ones..they’d rather tell sweet lies, than deliver bitter truths. Too many women want to think it’s other things, reasons someone is not “in it” when in reality it’s as the book says..”he’s just not that into you”.. because if he was, you’d both just know..too many people choose to ignore the red flags, not feeling like you’re part of someone’s life should tell you something. Length of time has nothing to do with it, it’s the depth of the relationship,people choose to stay in things because they’re willing to settle and are afraid of being alone..many people on these sites need to work on themselves before they can be online or dating in general in a healthy way.
Excuses are just excuses, you’re either in something or you’re not…people want to make this all much more complicated than it really is..either works, or it doesn’t..shouldn’t have to try or work hard at making something work…At a certain stage of life, you do not want to “work” anymore…like myself, I want easy, real..when ya know, ya know..

By: Sharon, Israel

Sharon, Israel — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 06:26:28 +0000

I have come across more than my “fair” share of those kind of guys. The ones that act as though any day now, the relationship is to go to the next level, only to break things off right before it reaches it’s peak, many months & possibly years after it started.

That’s an evil thing to do, right from the devil’s table. Guys can tell almost of the bat if a you are the one or not, often staying just to enjoy the perks of the relationship, while wasting valuable time of women in their 30′s.

Best advice I have for women out there: listen to your gut. Mixed signals from a guy after a period of 3 months, means you are not his “Mrs.” but his “Miss right now” & he is not in it for the long run That’s exactly the time for you to get out.