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Is Mr. Online Worth Your Time?

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Over the years, I‘ve learned some tricks of the trade to save as much time as possible while online dating.  Call me a gold-digger all you want, but when I evaluate profiles, I employ a specific method of attack.  First, I look at the pictures to make sure I can stand looking at him.  Next, I go straight to the line that lists his profession to make sure he could provide for my future two children. Then I read what he has to say in the written paragraphs.

If only I knew then all of the tricks of the trade about how to effectively weed through the profiles and emails.  In the past, whenever I got back from a bad date, I wished I had a better sense so I didn’t waste the past hour of my (or his) life–and his money–on that $5 cup of coffee.

1.  Sketchy pictures = sketchy guy.  Never trust anyone who has one of those pictures where they shoot themselves in front of a mirror or where all their pictures are blurred out or include a lot of alcohol.

2.  Men who mention certain body parts or who mention the physical aspects of a relationship in their profile.  There is absolutely no need for that.  Of course you enjoy the physical as much as he does, but there’s no need to mention it.  It’s the equivalent of a woman talking about babies in her profile.  Of course you want babies, but you wouldn’t dare mention that in your profile, or else you wouldn’t get too many dates.  

3.  All five of his pictures include his nieces/nephews – cute, but isn’t it obvious what he’s doing?  One picture of him with children is enough.

4.  He writes one sentence for his description in the “About Me” section of his profile.  Didn’t he care…at all?

5.  Doesn’t ask you out (or for your phone number) after his fourth or fifth email exchange—he’s probably looking for a pen pal or email buddy, not a date.

6.  Is always online, always.  Is online while you’re at work. Men on dating sites in the middle of the day are bums looking for their sugar mama. Doesn’t he have something important to be doing like writing important proposals?

7.  Sends you a form letter (aka an email that he sends to multiple random girls to see who will “bite”).  These are easily detected by long emails that start out with things like “I find you very attractive” and then end with a 500 word essay about his life story.  Nothing specific from your profile mentioned such as your rare-coin collection, career as a teacher, or love affair with the Steelers.

8.  He waits too long to respond (more than three days) – without an excuse like he’s in Israel fighting Hamas.  If a guy is serious about meeting someone, he’ll respond at least within 24-48 hours of receiving a message.  

Often-times profiles and emails are not enough to determine whether he is worth meeting in-person.  If he requests to meet-up, your best ally in determining whether to meet in-person is the telephone.  If he says in his email “let’s meet up for coffee on Saturday,” then your response could be, “sounds super, give me a call at 867-5309 so we can figure out the details.”  That way, if you get bad vibes over the phone, you haven’t wasted your time or his money in meeting him.  Hope these tips help!

Ms. Avi is author of the dating guide for Jewish women Secrets of Shiksa Appeal: Eight Steps to Attract Your Shul-Mate. Find out more and like her page on Facebook at Secrets of Shiksa Appeal. Available on Amazon.com in soft/hardcover and Kindle.
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5 Comments »

  • idocsteve says:

    I’m an eye doctor in private practice, I’ve got a staff that takes care of most tasks including preliminary tests on patients, and I have a lot of free time during the day when I’m not actually seeing a patient.

    I might spend 10 minutes in my private office looking at dating profiles and chatting with women, then I’ll be paged into the exam room to see the next patient.

    I’m sure there are a lot of other successful professionals, especially nowadays with internet access via cellphones that are hard working individuals who access the dating sites during their busy workday.

    Not all of us who are online “all the time during the day” are at home living with our moms.

  • Avi Roseman says:

    Thanks for the great additions! Scott, I agree with you on the women only accepting dinners. Why should you spend a lot of $$$ on someone you’ve never even met before? The women with young children idea is funny, never thought of that before.

    -Avi Roseman
    Author of Secrets of Shiksa Appeal

  • Paul says:

    Totally one sided…
    men serching women

    Woman pics in a crowd..probably fat
    men.make sure woman dont have young kids..they want u as a money pit
    men…if they want to only meet for dinners..they want a free meal..if their busy every nite of the week..they are meeting tuns of men for free food
    men..if they say they want friendship first..run..they probably have commitment issues
    men..if they choose an expensive pkace to eat..n.order the most pricy thing on the menue..dont exsect a long lasting relationship..they will use n dump u
    men.if you get a kiss on the cheek for the first second n third date..dont call her again..she only wants to get free meels and feels her company is your reward..

    I can go on and on….words of advice for men

  • sheryl toronto says:

    A great, comprehensive list! An addition: when they describe “religion” as “will tell you later”, they’re not jewish!
    Also, #6 above–that he’s always online–is not necessarily an indication that he is unemployed, but he may be SELF-employed and hence has a computer on his desk and has the time to troll all day!

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    Love your article & may I add a few additional very important tips, which I have learned over my 11 year course of online dating:

    If he refuses to send you a pic although he has seen yours – he is a stuck up snob who thinks he is too much of a catch to date a woman who is part of a dateing site.

    If he doesn’t remember who you are when you call him a short while after he emailed you – you have a case of a serial online emailer/dater, who’s only interested of the chase.

    If he keeps communicating via texting alone, after you have already spoke on the phone – he doesn’t think much of you as an option.

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