The Hora-Scopes: Your December Forecast on Love, Life & Latkes
Planetary highlights for December: Mercury stationed retrograde on November 24th and will be moving backwards until December 13th. If you have to sign any contracts, it’s a good idea to wait until after the 12th. When Mercury is retrograde it’s a good time to RE-think, RE-organize, RE-do, RE….you get the idea. But wait until Mercury goes direct before you put any of those plans in action – if you want them to actually last that is! Now is a good time to back up your computers (you know this has been on your to do list for months anyway!) and maybe hold off on that serious convo you were thinking of having with your new partner. Since Mercury rules communication, in all forms, it’s not uncommon for things to be misunderstood. So perhaps it’s a good idea to wait on telling your new honey that you bought those Louboutins or that 72” TV….instead of that vacation you both have been talking about…just sayin…
First up, Aries. (Come on, if we would have started with another sign you know you would have pushed your way to the front anyway). Aries is always first. That’s your motto. But could that be too much when you’re dating? Don’t worry, let’s discuss….So we know you always like to jump in head first, however, if you do, please remember to have your Yarmulke securely fastened this time. Now that we have that cleared up, Uranus is transiting in the early degrees of Aries and also doing his retrograde dance so anyone born in early Aries should be feeling this planet’s electric energy very intensely. Translation? Yes please. Change, lots and lots of exciting change. If you’re feeling a lot of nervous energy, don’t worry, this is a good thing. Use it to your advantage. And then after December 10th when Uranus goes direct it’s full speed ahead. Now is the time when you’re going to be meeting new and exciting people. Why? Because you are new and exciting yourself! Get out there and date! Shake things up a little…and maybe you’ll be shakin your bon bon all the way to the chuppah?
Good news Taurus, Jupiter, the planet of luck, karmic gifts and opportunities, is currently in the early degrees of Taurus and will be going direct (aka, full speed ahead) on Christmas Day. Oy, clearly he missed the memo that Hanukkah would have been a more “appropriate” time. Nonetheless, this slow moving (meaning more opportunities for you) planet will be in Taurus until June of 2012. And since we all know how stubborn, ahem “determined” all you Taurens are, you can sit patiently (a phrase only a Taurus can love) and wait for your gifts to unravel themselves to you one JDate profile at a time. Note to cautious Taurus, Jupiter also rules overindulgence, so perhaps it’s better to have just one serving of rugelach…instead of the 10 that your sophisticated taste buds were craving.
Greetings and salutations Gemini (of course I’m referring to both of you…you know…the good and the bad “mischievous” twin). Well shalom to both of you. Alright, let’s get to the point before you move on to another month because you’re curious about what it says. Fact: you are the master networker of the Zodiac. We (meaning all 3 of us) know you can kibitz with everyone in a room and still have time to nosh on the food before all the good stuff is gone. No joke, this is a serious gift! With the Moon’s south node transiting through Gemini (I would explain to you what this really means but I’d lose you after 2 seconds because it’s a lengthy explanation and I can feel your yawn coming on) just know this has to do with your past life talents that you brought over into this lifetime. Survey says: Use these skills to your advantage and breeze through that speed dating night you’ve been thinking about like no one’s business. See: short, concise, and to the point. Next month we’ll discuss…wait, I can’t tell you…gotta keep you on your toes. Bye for now.
Winter is here and as someone with a Cancer (moon) myself I know that most all of you Cancerians would love nothing more than to wrap yourselves up in a big blanket and sit by a warm fire at home…ahhh…just like the days back in the womb. However, with Venus, the planet of love and money, currently in Capricorn, it is opposing your sun, and this calls for some serious balance. Spend some time at home, but also let your quirky personality shine through and get out and date. (Yes, Bubbie paid me to write that). This month Jupiter, the planet of luck, is sextiling (I promise that is not some crazy new position I read about in Cosmo) your sun so remember opportunities are there as long as you open the door. If the first mensch doesn’t work out, there are plenty more matzah balls in the sea….and soup for that matter! And Cancer, just remember…don’t take anything personally – YOU were just not that into them, right?
Hi Leo, it’s all about you! (See, who said I don’t know how to capture your attention?) The truth is you like to shine and you do this so well because….well..…you really are great at it! (Enter applause and shiny confetti please). Have you updated your profile picture lately? My crystal ball (come on now, who actually has a crystal ball?) says you should. Now is a good time to show off your new hairstyle or just show off because well…please refer to line 2. Go on, you know you want to add another picture to the already 15 fabulous ones that you posted. Do it for your mother, you know she’s been kvetching. But most importantly do it because you look great…if you’re fabulous and you know it clap your hands (Clap clap).
Dearest Virgo. We know you are detail oriented, efficient, and have your closet organized like no one’s business. Check, check and checkity check! As an Earth sign you are grounded and down to earth, showing the rest of the Zodiac how to do things correctly the first time around. How lucky you are that Mars, the planet of action, is in Virgo and will be there until July 2012. Yes that’s a long time! That means since you’ve now cleaned out your closet (skeletons and all) it’s time to get rid of the old and bring in the new. This energy is perfect for motivating yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Push yourself to do something you’ve never done, and while you’re at it we might be calling you the festival of lights with all that fire burning under your tuckus!
Hello Libra. Guess what? I know that out of all the other signs you would really like a partner for the holidays but might be afraid to admit it. It’s OK. Libra’s were “made” (yes you were packaged like a box of chocolates) to complement another. Oh, so this is the balance thing that everyone talks about with Libra? Yes, it’s true. In fact you do better with a significant other. You are the definition of other oriented. Hmm, I wonder if the idea of JDate came from a Libra? Sorry, I digress. Working on my balance. Since Saturn is all about definition and is in the late degrees of Libra, you might be feeling some pressure right now. However Saturn’s energy is always necessary to solidify any serious relationship. It’s the glue that holds couples together and it could be the time for your soulmate to make their appearance. Will the real Beshert please stand up?
Knock knock knock..knock..knock. Nope, I wasn’t starting with a joke. I was using the secret knock for all you Scorpios out there. Ok it’s safe to come in, but even though you double checked to make sure no one knows you’re reading this, you’re probably still keeping it on the DL. Don’t worry it will be our little secret. OK, since I can already feel your water boiling, let’s have a little talk. I mean a real talk. Once again, just the 2 of us (“we can make it if we try”… oops, got a little carried away). Scorpio, with you it’s all about what’s hidden below the surface. Like the layers of noodle kugel, it’s time to peel back the old and bring out the gold underneath. Might I also tell you that Juno, the marriage asteroid (challah, I got your attention there) is transiting through your sign currently so it’s time to really think about what you want long term and make sure your other dates are on the same page as you. No more cockamamie excuses, they’re either in, or they’re out! (Sorry, but tough love works best with you folks). Cheers!
Happy birthday Sagittarius! Not only is your birthday here but the moon’s north node is transiting through your sign. If you didn’t know this already, Sagittarius is the luckiest sign! I swear on a bowl of Jerry’s Chicken Noodle Soup (first runner up after Grandma of course) that I’m not just saying that. The north node in Sagittarius is encouraging all of us to explore, explore, explore! And for all you sun sign Sag’s out there, this is your time to expand. (Disclaimer, I do not mean horizontally, although I pretty much did that over Thanksgiving weekend). I mean expand your horizons, your consciousness, and your philosophies about life. Travel to another country, and if that’s not possible journey inward and expand your spiritual knowledge – try yoga or meditation. But if all this sounds too much at least try visualizing and manifesting your perfect partner. I tried…but I couldn’t find Justin Bieber ‘s profile, maybe you’ll have better luck?
Dear Capricorn, fancy meeting you here. It’s true. Change is coming, and out of everyone, the change is really focused on your love life. I know you’re plotzing…so here’s the story. The beginning of December starts off with a powerful burst of energy, Pluto, the planet of transformation, and Venus, the planet of love and money, have joined up with each other, and this could mean a time for healing an old love or a complete transformation in your mind, body, and soul. Oy vey! I know that’s a lot to hear for you, Cappy, since you usually like to focus more on your career and professional achievements. However, my word of advice, if I may – let Pluto do its thing and you just may end up playing spin the dreidel with someone special this Hanukkah.
I’m pretty sure when “they” said, “marching to the beat of your own drum,” “they” were talking about you, Aquarius. You are different and unique and gosh darnit, that’s why we all love you! You show the rest of the Zodiac how to think differently, creatively, and progressively. With Saturn trining your sun, this can bring real definition to all those ideas that come to you out of the blue. As the humanitarian of the Zodiac, I know you are more than passionate about some ideal. What is it that you are passionate about? What cause do you support? Whatever it is, now is a good time to go out and make a positive change for the group. If you do, you may even make it onto Santa’s nice list. No promises…but I’ll see who I need to schmooze with to make it happen.
Feelings….nothing more than feeeeeelings. Hi Pisces thank you for joining us today, I know you had a million places you were thinking about going and a million more things you were thinking about doing. Ever feel like you’re being pulled in 2 directions? Well, I have something to tell you. Come closer, closer…ok, too close we just met. Yes…you are usually in 2 places at once, and that is one of your natural talents! Got dreams? Sure you do. I would listen to them especially now that Neptune, your ruling planet, just went direct and is floating its way over into Pisces. This energy has the ability to shift your dreams onto the path of reality – that is, of course, if they are aligned with your soul’s purpose. Don’t worry, Neptune is a slow moving planet, so you will have plenty of time to go back to your dreams and hand pick the visionary ones from the clouds. Ready, set, dream big!