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Hits & Mrs: Sticking To Your 2012 Resolution

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Sticking to Your 2012 Dating Resolution

We’re into week two of the New Year and if you made a New Year’s Resolution, this is about the time when you might be questioning how long you can keep it up.  I know many of my own diet resolutions were compromised when Saturday night rolled around and I thought, “Well, what harm could one little dessert do?”  Turns out… a lot.  It’s not the actual calories of the dessert that are most detrimental but rather the mental toll of putting a crack in your self-empowerment armor.

So, what if your resolution was to meet someone new? It’s a cold, snowy January evening and though you had hoped to meet some friends out at a bar, you just can’t seem to pull yourself together to do it.  Or you intended to send out some messages on JDate just as soon as you got home from work, but your boss asked you to stay late and now you just don’t have the energy anymore. How can you stay on track even when the odds feel stacked against you?

1.  GET LISTED – A friend and matchmaker sent me a message this week that included a list of the ten things that she planned to do differently this year to help her meet Mr. Right.  It was bold and courageous for her to put her aspirations out there and make a commitment to herself and to others in her life that this year was about meeting someone special.  Your list doesn’t have to be so detailed.  Maybe you just list one thing that you feel you can do better this year.  Make it a list of things that you can realistically tackle to give yourself a better chance at success. Even one improvement is just that – improvement.  Perhaps you start with one thing and add on a new challenge each month so that the changes are made gradually and can last long term.

2. GET SPONSORED –In a recent article on weight loss, Valerie Bertinelli talked about how she finally was able to keep pounds off after battling yo-yo diets for years.  What did she say was different about her Jenny Craig experience?  Having a coach to support her*. In 12-step programs, it’s the same thing.  So get yourself a dating sponsor.  Send your Special List to them.  Have weekly check-ins where you talk about what your challenges and frustrations have been and what you’re going to do better next week.  If you don’t have a friend you can go to for this, there are many dating coaches like me who can help you set goals and reach them.

3.  GET SEXY – The easiest thing to do to get unstuck is to make a physical change to yourself that makes you feel sexy.  Do your tax returns early and take your rebate check to the mall for a new wardrobe.  Take the plunge and go for a new hairstyle or color.  Start a new workout.  Bottom line is when you look good, you feel good and if you’re feeling stuck in a dating rut, making a physical change will definitely impact your mental state.

4. GET OUT – It’s hardest to get motivated to date in the winter, but keep in mind that there are hundreds of other singles who have also made a New Year’s resolution and might be out there looking for you. Between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day online dating sites see a surge in membership since the holidays tend to inspire singles to pair up and you want to capitalize on that expanded dating pool.

Surveys show that approximately 92% of those who make a New Year’s resolution will not stick to it**, don’t become a statistic.

* http://www.womansday.com/life/valerie-bertinelli-happiness
** www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/top-25-easy-accomplish-new-years-resolutions

Dear Mrs D is an online dating strategist and author who coaches singles on how to find success dating online as she once did. Her eBook, D is for Dating, is now available on her website: http://dearmrsd.com.
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2 Comments »

  • Mike says:

    I thought I would contribute a male perspective (in addition to Lewis who loves you): Since this is on jdate, how about reviewing your profile as a resolution for those who want to actually date leading to a relationship verses the online anonymous players. I thought I had seen all that could be called outrageous in profile SPOILED B content until I came across this profile of a 50 year old never married female doctor of chiropractic in the infamous Boca zone. I was so intrigued at the AUDACITY that I copied and then added comment and sent below email: I doubt that this will resonate on the received but maybe other women reading this will get it or maybe not?

    “—”On our first date, remind me to tell you the story about…
    ….the many stories! However, what really pops out at me is this: Had to leave in the middle of a date–guy started acting awkward, then started crying……he ended up being married! I have a great sense of humor, so I wished him well, asked for cab money, and left! Yep, these are some of the FL stories–there are also great, happy stories too!”—

    WOW; the word AUDACITY takes on a whole new meaning, as you a “Doctor” on a meeting (date) where he “started crying” and you refer to your “great sense of humor”, then you left in “middle” and actually had the “AUDACITY” to ask for “cab money”?

    Michael”

  • Lewis Fahder says:

    Wow! what a great article. I love you.

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