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New Year, New You

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Keep it fresh. That sounds like something we’d probably see on a head of lettuce at the supermarket. Or maybe it’s something some rapper would say on his new album. But, when I say, “Keep it fresh,” believe it or not, I’m talking about your JDate profile.

A lot of people recently stated their New Year’s resolution as, “I will find love in 2012.”  In fact, The Huffington Post [1] just reported in December that “for nearly 60% of single people over 50, ‘finding love’ is the top New Year’s resolution, and more than half rank it as the number one priority in 2012… [ranking it] higher than exercising more (34%), reducing stress (29%), saving money/spending less (28%), dieting (20%) and quitting smoking (12%).”  But when it comes to finding love – as opposed to those other resolutions – it can seem hard to judge your results with anything short of “I met someone.” Given this, just setting that as an arbitrary goal isn’t the best way to go.  The better goal is to “Keep it fresh.”

Now, I’m not saying that everyone needs to go to the salon or barber shop and cut off their hair or anything. Rather, I’m saying that it’s important to assess what’s working and what’s not in the online dating arena and do something to fix it.

Some ideas are:

1.  Update your profile photos

Have you gotten a haircut since you last took your pictures? Have you lost some weight?  (Another resolution many make). Are your photos just not getting you the attention you think you deserve? Then, it’s time to take some new ones. As a general rule of thumb, if your photos are more than a year old or don’t look like you anymore for some reason, it’s time to get new ones. And when taking your new photos, don’t forget these tips.

2.  Change your profile often

Did you do something interesting over the holidays, like snowmobiling in Alaska or taking your dog on a hike through a new trail that you’ve always wanted to explore? It’s time to share that info! Your online dating profile shouldn’t be changed as often as your Facebook status, but it shouldn’t be static either. You’re a dynamic person, so let people know it. As a side note, the more often you change your profile, the higher you’ll come up in people’s searches.

3.  Start sending those e-mails

If you’re already sending a lot of e-mails, good for you. If you’re not, it’s time to get started. Simply putting a profile up and then just waiting around is like walking into a bar, sitting on a stool, and not talking to anyone. It’s just not going to work. If you want to get noticed, it’s time to take control and start sending those e-mails.

4.  Give more people a chance

As a goal, give one person a month whom you normally wouldn’t consider going out with a chance. You never know if you’ll have chemistry (what I call the “wild card”) until you meet in person.

Simply stating, “I am going to find love this year” may be too hard, but taking smaller, measurable steps to keep it fresh will give you the full confidence to know that you put the effort in and worked toward your goal. Don’t be too hard on yourself, either. Meeting someone takes time, but the reward for working hard now may be a lifetime of happiness.  Remember, with the New Year comes a new you.

 

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people find success in online dating and gets them excited about its possibilites. Her services include: writing unique online dating profiles to get you noticed, helping to choose your best profile pictures, writing one-of-a-kind e-mails to get someone’s attention, and planning dates.

[1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/19/seeking-love-online_n_1158597.html

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4 Comments »

  • Sharon, Israel says:

    To all of you male commentators :):

    I’m not picky at all, and am still single. I, as opposed to you guys, don’t hear any lame excuses, since I never get a call back. They would usually disappear after the date, or after the first call. And no, I’m not fat or ugly, I don’t lack the brains nor do I have bad breath.

    Sometimes the spark just isn’t there, which is something all of you could probably relate to. And guys are picky too, and way out of their leauge. I’m 35 and have people in their 60′s approaching me. They don’t even think it’s freakish, they have no shame and believe It’s ok for them to aim high, since they are men.

  • Aaron says:

    I completely agree with Jeff. Attractive women on JDate have a lot to answer for. If they could just be a little less picky, you would read about far more JDate Success Stories! Come on attractive JDate ladies!

  • Jeff says:

    I completely agree with Mike. Also, from a guy’s perspective around 10-15 years younger than Mike, women will keep rejecting men on JDate for almost any reason possible. Most are afraid to commit (even if you’ve heard it’s the other way round). I am friendly, with a good personality and handsome and I can write a book on the number of excuses I have heard ranging from no common ground, my ex and I are going to get back together, I’m moving interstate, I’m too busy at the moment, Do you have any more photos of yourself, There’s no chemistry, I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment and I just want to be friends. I could go on further but I’ll leave that for my book!

  • Mike says:

    Erica Ettin; All good advice that most will never follow! Most profiles and photos are pathetic and include singles with advanced degrees. Women always love to criticize men but never analyze themselves so I thought I would give a man’s perspective. I just sent an email to a woman online on jdate who is 58 and I am a little older then her 50 to 60 age limits of interest. The email is self explanatory and I do not expect or even desire a reply: Bottom line is 50 plus women either get their head out of their rear end or stay dateless.——-

    “I saw you online and am just curious, as you state: “I love to write (am a published poet and essayist).” but only have a few lines in your main essay section and blank for most of the other essay sections? And you also say you are a ‘high school english teacher with a masters’?

    This is not a solicitation of interest as you are 58 and only seek 50 to 60.

    If you choose not to reply, I hope you enjoy the jdate Carousel ride.

    Michael”

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