Still Hot, Why Not?
Are Older Women More Casual About Sex?
This is big news. When we were younger, my girlfriends and I wanted emotional intimacy. When we had sex, we wanted a relationship, a bond, regularity (sorry, I’m switching to BMs)—regular and dependable connection. As the man left our bed and pulled on his underpants, which we could see at a glance needed some bleach, we wanted to scream out, “Will I see you again? Will you call? Will you marry me?” (Okay, maybe this last is just me.)
What a drag. I mean, really. Those small orbs, with their primitive desire for home, hearth, paycheck, control our lives! Not credit cards—I am referring to the female egg (is there any other kind?) Our eggs control us, ladies. They want to make babies, so blah blah blah.
Then, blessedly, there comes a day when the last egg sails off to Egg-in-the-Sky Land, and if you’re picturing a cloud in the shape of an omelette, yes! And we, as a gender, are free. Free to have sex without falling in love! Free to roam, savor, and sample!
And we do. Women P.E. (Post Egg) are going on singles cruises and getting (censor beep) and coming home and not waiting for the phone to ring! Women P.E. are sleeping with younger men and not wanting to talk afterwards, which is good because really, what can you say to a 25-year-old? Women P.E. are warning men: Don’t get serious about me! I just want to have fun!
I’m not there yet. Having recently evolved out of a five-year engagement during which I returned not one, but two rings to the pirate, I am still stuck in Sex=Love. I’m working on it. Why?
If Sex must equal Love, I may never (censor beep) again. That would be bad for my heart, blood pressure, immune system, and pelvic floor muscles. I would suffer more stress, pain, and insomnia. I would have lower self-esteem and greater likelihood of obesity. Google “Health Benefits Sex.”
And so, for the sake of my health, I called a man with whom I had a brief but deep connection—someone I was falling in love with, once. I shall call him Jedi. (His real name is Irving). Cutting to the chase, I told him I was hoping to use him for sex.
“Wow!” Jedi exulted, “We’re going to do what the young people do! Friends with Benefits!”
I went to bed happy and excited. Yes! I was going to enter the hallowed realm of shallow sex!!! Finally!
As I fell asleep, though, I found myself wondering why he hadn’t fallen in love with me. And why had that married friend of his said, “I don’t see you two together.” There’s always some beotch who wants to put the kibosh on a new relationship. Maybe she secretly likes him? I found myself wondering if he would have loved me if my legs were long and my neck less like a hen’s waddle? I found myself deciding to lose weight before we met up for our sex date. I found myself saying to myself, “This time, he’ll realize he loves me and…”
And right then and there, I knew. I’m not ready for casual sex. Okay. Fact is, I can’t afford to be going on singles cruises. And what can you say to a 25-year old?