I found some of what you said quite interesting. As an older woman, I’m interested in ideas as well as appearances. I’d love to see your profile!

One woman I met from Jdate told me that she saw her ex-husband’s profile on Jdate and felt sorry for him because it was so awful.

She called him and offered, if he was serious about meeting somebody, to re-write it for him and provide better pictures of him.

You KNOW it’s a bad profile when your ex- takes pity on you.

I was indeed bitter and resentful for some time about both relationships. But not for long, and not for a long time now. I certainly remember what happened clearly, but I genuinely wish both women well, as they now have to live with consequences of their choices that mutual friends told me about, without my asking.

But with time and distance come both hindsight and insight. I can’t claim to be objective, by your standards, about my own situation because you are unfamiliar with me, with the women, and with the details of the situations.

But I can assure you that both women made the choices they made, at the time they made them and later confided to mutual friends that they regretted their decisions. In no way was I projecting from any lingering resentment of my own.

After each, I took time to NOT date. It was painful and lonely. But it gave me time to think, learn, and grow. Each time, I emerged ready to meet the right person, willing to take risk of getting hurt again, and more able to make good decisions regarding dating, with ever higher standards (instead of casting a wider net out of desperation). That’s evidence contrary to bitterness and resentment.

Being happy alone, I’ve always thought, is better than being miserable in a relationship. People can take what I wrote as advice or not. But one benefit of being alone as long as I have is having had plenty of time for self-analysis.

@Irina–Older women (or as I call us P.E. Post-Egg) are living the best time of our lives, and many of us celebrate the wisdom, freedom, clarity and power that come with being (relatively) free of biology. If you read my column again, I think you’ll see that I am not, personally, capable of casual sex at the moment–as several men on JDate know! (But I appreciate your interest, 30somethings who write me.) Do I consider it a viable option for men and women of a certain age? Yes. I have girlfriends who have “been there, done that” when it comes to marriage and even love, and they have no interest whatsoever in another committed relationship. Men go crazy for them–the neverending challenge. Do I agree with you that sex-with-love is the best sex? Depends. You did the wild-girl thing, and now, you know that committed sex is what you want. But for many people who have had only committed sex, the experience of sex with a relative stranger can be wildly exciting.

@Pat–I’m not going to say that looks don’t matter, and that good-looking people don’t have an easier time of it in the dating world. Of course we do!!! (Thanks for including me in that category!) I also know that on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the-toad-no-girl-wants-to-kiss and 10 being Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid Love, you can go up at least 3 points by changing changeable things like demeanor, clothes, approach, speech, and vibe.

This Date Makeover can start with your profile. I cannot tell you the number of men who put forth the most off-putting profile photos, for example. What can they be thinking? Obviously, they’re not aware that they’re turning women off, and the same can be said for a lot of what men do in person.

As for women marrying handsome men: Huh? Most of my married girlfriends are married to very ordinary-looking men. They love them, though, so they see something different from what I do.

Here’s a challenge: Send me your User Name. I guarantee I will find 3 things right off the bat that you can improve in your profile. If you’re willing, we can make the lesson public here on the site, and everybody will benefit. However, that may be a bit daunting. Or, we’ll do it privately–free. Just write me here and let me know you’re interested. Go for it.

I absolutely agree to what you said about taking a break and finding our own happiness before expecting someone else to make us happy. I think it’s great that you have gone out to do soul searching.

Although, one part of what you’ve said, makes me think that you are not quite over those two relationships you’ve mentioned in your post.
When you talk about the two women you’ve dated you still seem to be a bit bitter and believe that it is them who made the wrong decisions and choices and you are their best marriage material.

I think, when you are finally able to stop caring so much and just accepting these women’s decisions as the best solutions at the time for both you and them, it is only then that you will finally be able to move on in your life and be ready for new dates.

Just a friendly suggestion
Irina