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Online Dating Secrets Revealed: Building Conversations Seeds

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You want secrets for meeting women online?  Well, I am revealing yet another one of my most effective secrets for meeting women online, free of charge!

Conversation Seeding.

Before I get into the art of how this tactic can enhance your dating life, tell me if the following sounds familiar:

You meet girls online through email or Instant Messaging. You have a great conversation.  Phone numbers are exchanged. For whatever reason, you can’t really call the girl for a few days. By the time you call, she doesn’t answer! You are left wondering, “Why is this girl so flaky, and where did things go wrong?”

The truth is, the girl may not be flaky or irrational. In most cases, this comes down to a case of comfort levels disappearing.

Online dating can be scary for women. Let’s be real, there’s a lot more risk out there for women.  So when we call, women have to be completely comfortable and feel excited to answer the phone, otherwise she won’t pick up.

The problem with women not picking up when we call often occurs when contact disappears for a long time. No matter how good the conversations online were, these conversations are merely a blip on the radar of a girl’s daily life.

As days go by without talking, her comfort level with you fades more and more. When we eventually call (although these women may have initially wanted to answer) their comfort levels have dropped. They now fear the conversation will be uncomfortable, so they don’t pick up.

This becomes even more obvious when meeting girls online through Instant Messaging. You may have had the greatest 45-minute conversation, but at the end of the day, you are just a 45-minute blip on her radar. These emotions will fade fast.

The solution?

Developing conversation seeds to keep comfort and attraction high.

A conversation seed is the act of developing an inside joke during your conversations for the sole purpose of referring back to it at a later date. You are “planting the seeds” for a future conversation.

For example, I love telling bad date stories as my “conversation seed.” They are fun, and we’ve all had them. In addition, they subconsciously communicate we are different from all the other bad daters.

So let’s say I am meeting girls online through Instant Messaging. I know that I need to close a phone number after 45 minutes, or she will start to get bored. I also know that with only 45 minutes of talking, her comfort with me will fade very quickly despite the emotional highs.

Solution:  A conversation seed.

I may tell one of my famous stalker stories about a girl that wouldn’t leave me alone. I will mention this during the IM conversation (or email), make a couple of jokes, and move on.

However, my bad date story is the seed and has thus been planted. I have created an inside joke, and I will go back to this seed and make it grow at a future time.

After I receive her phone number, I will purposely not give mine. I will then text her a couple hours later, “Okay, I’ve decided to give you my phone number, just promise you won’t be my next psycho stalker! Guess who ;) …”

I have now referred back to the seed, and we can have flirty small talk.

This will not only keep comfort levels high, but will bring our relationship from the online world into the real world. After this, I may text randomly until I eventually call. We want to contact them just enough to maintain an emotional high so that when we call, they are excited.

In addition, I have also made the transition from the online world to someone who is in her “real” life. The phone is a place reserved for people that are important in her life, so we are making an important subconscious transition emotionally.

Finally, these seeds serve as “inside jokes” between the two of you. Since they are a unique joke that only the two of you share, subconsciously she will feel as if you both have a special relationship.

And thus, the art of conversation seeds when meeting girls online!

Joshua Pompey provides online dating advice to men all over the world and has written for several well known publications. Want to learn more of Pompey’s world famous secrets? Click here for plenty of free information and articles.
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5 Comments »

  • T Payne says:

    Some good and true advice here. As a woman I want to feel safe and, to some extent, in control of the online casting situation. I’ve tried a few sites and found that CamContacts worked the best for me. I also found that being honest to the other person, but especially to yourself was the best way to find genuinely nice men. As for the stalker story, maybe you weren’t honest in your intentions with this woman from the beginning and gave her confused messages.

  • Michael says:

    I agree with the above comments. Joking about stalking is insensitive and foolish.

    Also, all these micro-machinations: ‘wait a little, but not too long…’ Oy, my brain hurts. If being your natural self does not work out, then it was not b’shert.

  • Natan says:

    Wow, dude. Subtext “I’m so hot, I have stalkers. You’ll think I’m so hot you’ll want to stalk me too.”

    I get the “conversational seed” thing, I’ve used it. However, what do I know from on-line dating? I’m just the off-line playa-playa who has more ladies than the 2nd floor of an ol’ school shul :)I get more tukhos than the high-rent seats at a Beverly Hills synagogue on Yom Kippur.

    Peace out, y’all. Challah!

  • orly says:

    u picked a very sensitive issue in ur essay here, I wouldn’t want to be referred with any stalker issues. maybe u should have given a diff. example. it’s association is harsh. i hope no one will joke around with me on such issues. bad joke!!! otherwise i got the idea it’s a great idea(the seed). just girls don’t like those games of I won’t give u my phone nbr, it’s suspicious.

  • Communication is the strong base of a relationship.No relationship can last without support and understanding. Make it a point to be a source of support for your partner on a daily basis.

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