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I Like Jewish Women!

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I Like Jewish Women!

In my San Francisco days, I once had a brief romantic affair with a mime.  I was living in a house with lots of bedrooms, which were rented out to many different people.  One of them was Angie, a young woman who each day would leave the house, go down to the park, and do her mime thing, collecting dollars in a hat.  I would tease her and we would flirt.

One day, coming out of the bathroom after a shower, I couldn’t help notice Angie approaching me, taking hold of my bathrobe, pulling me into her bedroom, and having her way with me.  A perceptive guy like myself picks up on these subtle signals of interest. No words were exchanged.  And I didn’t feel awkward about the silent seduction, since she was, after all, a mime.  We did everything that afternoon – walking against the wind, pulling a rope against imaginary opponents, being trapped in an imaginary box.  I’d never enjoyed mime so much before or since.

If this sounds like some goyish fantasy, I agree.  It does sound like one, but I swear it’s true.  Not that there aren’t female Jewish mimes who seduce guys coming out of the shower, but I’m guessing it’s not a large percentage of the female Judaic populace.  Angie was Italian, and since that day I’ve dated both Jewish and non-Jewish women.  None of the Jewish women came anywhere near being a mime.  But they did offer qualities I’ve come to love and look for in my PRPs (potential romantic partners).  Which is not to say that non-Jewish women wouldn’t or couldn’t have those qualities – but in my experience, these qualities are most likely to be found in Members of the Tribe.

Obviously, there’s that unique connection to our shared culture, history, religion, traditions, and – my personal favorite, cuisine.  Oh, sure, I could have taken Angie to temple with me, and she could have explained to everyone that just because she’s Italian doesn’t mean she knew cast members of “The Sopranos” personally, and then entertained everyone with her impression of being trapped in an imaginary Sukkah – but it’s just not the same.

I remember standing at the school bus stop in the 11th grade, talking to Joan Reid, a Protestant, on whom I had a huge crush.  She told me that her mother recommended that she date and marry Jewish guys because “they’re more dependable, they treat you better, they don’t beat you, and they’re more professional.”  So it’s not just Jewish women who have this appeal.  A few months later, while making out on the beach on prom night with Joan, surrounded by our empty bottles of Southern Comfort and apricot brandy, I just knew she appreciated how dependable and professional Jewish guys are.  But I digress.

Jewish women, to me, always seem to have this inner glow, a warmth, a kindness, a sensitivity, an intelligence, that I don’t always find in their non-Jewish counterparts.  And my Jewish radar, my Jadar, plugs right in to it.  I think Jewish women are prettier than others, and I love the fact that they’re mostly brunettes.  Blondes seem so, so… goyish.  Finally, just try asking an Episcopalian for a plate of matzoh brei.  She’ll look at you like you’re from another planet.  “That’s some sort of Jewish food, isn’t it?”  Yes, darling, but you don’t have to be a rabbi to eat it.

My mother got remarried to an Irish Catholic man, is very happy with him and even urged me not to limit myself to dating only Jewish women.  How’s that for turning the stereotypical Jewish mother on her head?  Truth be told, I don’t limit myself to dating Jewish women.  Because, after all, variety is the spice of life, true love is rare, and you never do know where you’ll find it.  And while I’m not a betting man, if I had to place a bet on this, I’d say the odds are that I’ll end up with a Jewish woman.  And if she has an appreciation for mime, so much the better.

Mark Miller is a marketing specialist, current JDate member, Facebook fanatic and comedy writer who has performed stand-up comedy in nightclubs and on TV, written on numerous sit-com staffs, been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate and is a current humor columnist for The Huffington Post. But he says he’d trade all his success away in a minute for immortality, inner peace and limitless wealth.
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14 Comments »

  • shulamit says:

    shalom from israel

    thank u

    leah

  • David says:

    I do no think it matters what is the woman’s age is or her status or origin, the important thing is to know what to do when you decide that a woman is for you, the hard part is understanding the communication coming from the other side, you need to learn to see the sings and react to them, at the end it becomes a second nature, there is a cool article I found that covers the very basics I hope it will help you, http://bewitchingcloseness.com

  • Mina Semyon says:

    Hello Mark,
    Very refreshing and amusing article, makes me feel closer to being a Jewish woman, which I have rejected for all my life, having grown up in Russia during the Second World War and a lot of antisemitism. And … the only Jewish women I knew in those days were qwetching and and criticising, as soon as a visitor’s back was out of the door the pulling apart started. I thought it was normal. That is till I discovered Yoga, Chi Lel (healing form of Chi Gong) and Buddhism and that my old beliefs create the world I live in. Well, yes, I am ancient,and by the time I’ve embodied all the enlightened things I became too old for dating. But I am not too old for doing the full splits, for singing and dancing, gratitude and love and companionship of a like- minded gentleman.
    Shalom
    Mina

  • bob says:

    This guy…what planet is he from?
    women that i meet or date that are jewish, evaluate me and throw me to the trash pile, and they are always single

    i wonder why?

    catholic women are interested in me, and know how to have a good time, not so with jewish women!

  • Jonathan says:

    As a previous student at the George Washington university , living in boca raton Florida , all I the Jewish girls I have met in my life are beautiful but conceited , selfish, judgmental, fickle, spineless, picky, spoiled , heartless yentas and i knew thousands. most are like Kim kardashian. I keep hearing that there are beautiful kind Jewish girls in Brooklyn but I live in westchester , I would like to continue celebrating the Jewish religion but in a hyper globalism materialistic world like the I would marry any religion and or race. I am not a tall Jewish doctor , I am a kind , thoughtful loving intelligent compassionate human being.

  • Kevin krost says:

    Hey Mark

    That was a great article ,after being married to a jewish women for 20 yrs and now recentlyndivorced ,
    I find myself still going for a jewish lady ,
    It is whatbi know ,i was brought up in south africa ,so what i know is jewish south african ladies ,
    But i am living in australia now ,and i found myself going and looking for Ozzie jewish ladies ,
    I’ve tried to go out with non jewish ladies ,but it is not the same ,
    They don’t understand the jewish religion ,unless they were brought up with jewish friends ,
    So i say .i also love and cherish jewish ladies ,
    My mom is and my daughter is ,

    Cheers Kev Krost

  • Richard Solwitz says:

    Learn to spell. I don’t want to Ask a nazi. I’d rather date an Askenazi girl.

  • gerald says:

    I am of Askanazi descent though a lifelong Mormon with Jewish leannings. Being highly moralistic, I am only attracted to people of like sensitivities and preferences. The one thing which continues to bring me back into contact with my own people is their wholesomeness and their honesty. I have already been married twice to women of other persuations but they seriousely lacked the inherrent integrity of Jewish women who do what they say they will do and never mostly seldom deviate from their course.

  • Stefan Hearst says:

    Since I have never been married, I seem to be more interested in dating Jewish women because they may be able to appreciate certain Jewish values or traditions that I find relevant in my life.

    The challenge is that I always prefer women with similar lifestyle traits which is very difficult. Ever since high school and college days, I would never date any woman who smokes, drinks alcohol or beer, frequents bars or clubs, has tattoos, chews tobacco or dip, or has children. I was so damn particular and still am to this very day.

    When I would finally date a woman I was interested in, I think she would generally be perplexed by some of the things I would talk about and get frustrated as she would try to pigeon-hole me into some kind of category. This is what other friends would tell me they would hear from her or her friends. I was always carefree and always envisioned “dating” as a kind of activity whereby a man and a woman go out to dinner or some activity in which they can just do stuff together and exchange their values, dreams, and aspirations and see if, over a period of time, they can be mutually compatible intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I could be wrong about my idea of dating just Jewish women in hopes we might have something very much in common but I have learned that even Jewish women seem to be “integrative” with conventional social norms and I have always had an “against the grain” mentality and would selfishly do what I want to do but never do things mainstream society valued such as smoking, drinking alcohol, and bar stuff.

    I figured if I pursued Jewish women, I might be able to find some measure of compatibility with Jewish tradition at least but I still would never date or have anything with a Jewish woman who has or does smoke, drink alcohol, or other undesirable traits.

    Well the clock ticks by and I find myself feeling more like a foreigner living in a foreign land because there are not very many Jewish women living within my locale but I have to blame myself. I have been blessed with a wonderful life and a unique outlook on the relativity of life with the many varieties of people from all parts of the globe who have validated my notions and opinions about the meaning or meaninglessness of life.

    I will still pursuing my search for my soulmate which exists somewhere out there in the ocean of society. (26 Adar 5772 — Mar 20, 2012 Tu)

  • Michael says:

    You know I had a similar experience except with a Chinese Woman. I was walking out of the bathroom after Shabbos. I had just showered and planned to go out that night. I had just unlocked my door when I heard Jenny come down the stairs.

    I turned and was going to smile and say, “Hello” as I has done for the past 2 weeks (she had just moved in). When she then stopped, grabbed the knot of my robe, and she pushed me into my apartment. Being as perceptive as Mark I realized I was NOT receiving a take out order. But I digress.

    Like Mark, it was after this point I started to date other woman, whom were not Jewish. Here is what I noticed:
    like Lucile Ball, “there was alotta explaining to do”. Non-Jewish woman do not understand our culture. Do not understand our holidays. Do not understand when we go to a party – we go for the food and not the alcohol. Mostly non-Jewish woman do not understand the roles of Men and Women when the family gets together. Oh yeah – no matter what a non-Jewish woman says, they can NOT make a good matzo ball.

    How can you date a woman who cannot make a matzo ball?

  • Scott says:

    Jewish woman have “inner glow, a warmth, a kindness, a sensitivity”…obviously this guy is not from Long Island

  • Diana Newell says:

    Behind Mark Miller’s wittiness, is a sincerity about how men and women behave and misbehave. while I laugh, I’m struck by a truism that speaks to me. Unusual in a humorist. And delightful.

  • jimbo says:

    O yeah, jewish girls are just fine….it’s just that they ask what you do for living before asking your name !

  • Christine says:

    Another great article from Mark Miller. Very funny. Keep delivering the goods Mark!

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