The Hora-Scopes: Your April Forecast on Life & Love
Astrology 411: April is going to be a good month! For one of you, Venus (love and money) is transiting in your solar 11th house of friends and groups. That means it’s a great time to become involved in more, how do you say….shenanigans? Ooh, how fun! For another sign, it’s a good time to clear up any loose ends and put any differences aside that may be lingering within the fam. What’s in store for you this month? Read on to find out if April will sizzle or fizzle. If you’re interested in getting a personalized reading, contact Danielle at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Aries, here’s the good and the bad for the month. Good news is…it’s your birthday; Happy birthday! Bad news is….patience is not your middle name, BUT you already knew this so please refer to the good news. Why did I bring this up? Well, with Mars as your ruling planet having been in retrograde motion for quite some time now, you’ve made it to the home stretch. Breathe deep…there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. No, not in that way. Simmer down. Mars will finally go direct on April 14th (wiggle, wiggle, wiggle…that was the happy dance in case you were wondering) and since I trust that you’ve been extra patient these last couple months, (come on that was a joke) I know you’re ready to start moving forward with extra enthusiasm. However, in the days prior to April 14th, take this time to re-evaluate how you handle your aggression and your energy. Change what hasn’t been working in the past and resolve to find a different, more positive way to handle future circumstances. I promise you, this will only help you moving forward…and I know this is something you love to do. Onward and upward Aries, lead the pack like you do so well!
Taurus, if you’re not already smitten from the amazing aspects that were affecting you mid-March, I am here to tell you to prepare the giddy butterflies in your stomach. Wait, is this a lactose intolerance thing? Ummm negative Ghost Rider. Mars (energy and action) goes direct on April 14th and it just so happens to be in your solar 5th house of romance. Oh la la! Hold tight the first half of the month and then let mars entertain you during the second half. Female Taurens, sit back and embrace the sensual goddess that you are. Open your hands and hearts and learn to receive the gifts from the Universe. Male Taurens, it’s your turn to show the ladies how a real man is here to cherish his woman. Hmm, a bit overindulgent? Nah…just as long as your intention is for the highest good.
Gemini, Venus (love and money) moves into your sign around April 4th. As she moves out of the sensual and grounded sign of Taurus she will be bursting with information packed in her brain and guess what, she’s ready to talk, think, talk, think, oh and talk some more. This is all fine and dandy until you start analyzing your relationship like you’re an IRS auditor. Sometimes you need to take your keppe out of the picture and use your heart. (Then again that could also be the same reason why you reactivated your JDate profile). Oy… what’s my point here? I often wonder myself. Oh, it’s hold onto your head while Venus transits through your sign Gemini. Take your thinking cap off and supersize your heart chakra for the next month. This will help alleviate the mental strain that could be lingering over you. If that doesn’t work, there’s always my latest distraction…draw something anyone? Hello my name is Simon…and I like to do draaaaawings….
Hi Cancer, did I mention how I have a sweet spot for you since my moon resides in your sign? We’re besties. Anyway, raise your hand if you care. “Bueller, Bueller?” Back to you. So, this month I feel like you need some spice in your life. But don’t worry, I’m not going to sit here and tell you how you are going to be a great parent, you have a heart of gold, yadda yadda…I mean you do, but let’s face it, you work your tuchus off, you feel like you get no respect, and all you want to do is go home and eat that colossal size black and white cookie. Mmmm, I’ll have two. So let’s get to the good stuff. Venus (love and money) just moved into your solar 12th house. Since this house deals with your subconscious and all things hidden, the meaning of this transit is very vague….it could mean 1 of 2 things. 1) Prepare the bedroom, someone from the past or even a real soulmate is going to re-light your fire or 2) You know that new relationship that you thought was moving along nicely…well, just make sure you are both on the same page. Someone could be sneaking around with someone else. Oh wait! That could be you! Wow, Cancer, I told you to spice things up, but I didn’t mean like a Scorpio (disclaimer: Hi any Scorpios reading this…it was a joke…one of which you clearly did not find funny. My bad.) Anyway, please refer back to option 1, as option 2 is just going to get both of us in trouble. Again, I’m just the messenger I didn’t tell you to do it. But I will tell you to do option 3, go eat that cookie.
Hellooooo Leo! With Venus (love and money) transiting in your solar 11th house of friends and groups, it’s a great time to become involved in more, how do you say….shenanigans? Yeah, that sounds about right. Play up your love for entertainment and celebration because you just may meet someone at that party you were thinking of going to. Women, put on those sexy heels. Men, well, you can too, but if you’d rather sport your new white blazer, then go for it. (What? Who has a white blazer??) Anyway, just get out there…preferably with clothes on, but either way show the crowd how you shine the minute you walk in the door. Bam!
Virgo, the transiting north node is in your solar 4th house of home and family. This makes it a good time to clear up any loose ends and put any differences aside that may be lingering within the fam. And hop to it because you’ll want to make sure that everything is kosher at Passover this year. No, we will not hide the Matzah in the file cabinet again. Who else would look there besides the Virgos? So not fair. Back to your horoscope. On April 4th Mercury will be going direct in your solar 7th house of committed relationships. So, let’s put these 2 transits together as a to-do list for you. 1) Clear up things between Mom, Dad, and Bubbie. 2) Make sure Bubbie brings her new young flame to Passover. 3) Note: this will alleviate all (most?) of the pressure off you and that new mensch you’re bringing as well. 4) Make sure to get all this on video and immediately post to YouTube. 5) Pour an extra glass of Manischewitz® for me. Can’t wait to watch everything unfold. Good luck!
Libra, transiting Mars has been in your solar 12th house of the sub-conscious for quite some time now. You will be happy to know that on April 14th it will be going direct and slowly making its way out of your solar 12th and into your solar 1st house. Translation = you will eventually feel like an elephant and a pound of kugel is being lifted of your chest. It will take some time for Mars to move into your solar 1st house of self. However, after April 14th, things should start to feel easier. You will be able to make better decisions and not have to weigh the pros and cons of everything before you take action. OK, kidding my lovely Libra’s – that’s what your DNA is made of. But it will be easier, just give it time…umm so in the meantime just don’t do anything. Yay! Finally Libra has an excuse! Again, kidding. We all appreciate your diplomacy; I mean besides Judge Judy who else would we come to for a fair trial?
Scorpio, the saying, “the heat is on” is an understatement this month. Venus (love and money) is moving into your solar 8th house of …how do you say…“sexual relations.” Yup, just like that. Sizzle! And might I “suggest” that it may just be time to find out if the chemistry extends beyond the conversation. Listen, I’m only here as a messenger, if you want to wait, feel free, but let’s be real Scorpio, I know that 3 letter word is on your mind all the time. Yes, I totally meant the word Jew…of course! Venus is also joining up with the asteroid, “karma” so let’s just say, whatever happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas. Wink, wink. Enjoy this transit, it should go out with a bang. (I had to go there).
Guess what Sagittarius? Juno (the commitment asteroid) and the north node have joined together in your solar 1st house of self. Wherever the transiting north node is, it’s asking us to move in that direction. With it being in Sag and conjuncting Juno, it’s asking you to look at the bigger picture of what you want in terms of relationships – with yourself and with others. Yes, my crystal ball can sense the restlessness coming on. (Cue oxygen masks in 3, 2, 1…) Now that you can hear me clearly, you don’t have to figure out all the details (that’s Gemini’s job and where your transiting south node currently is.) The south node is what we need to move away from, so it’s time to let go of the small details that you’re not sure of anyway and focus instead on the bigger picture and the feeling of the end result that you want. Have faith (faith, faith…George Michael anyone? Sorry, couldn’t resist) that the Universe will deliver and for your highest good. Oh but more! (That’s what she said.) Venus (love and money) just moved into your solar 7th house of relationships. (Roger 10-4, we’ve got a runaway bride on the loose.) Slow down there freedom loving Sag, just because your archer’s arrow may soon turn into cupid’s doesn’t mean it will hurt, not even a pinch…unless you’re into that? Insider trading info: since you’re a fire sign and not a water sign, I highly recommend that you do not go watch the movie, The Color Purple and cry your eyes out while eating a pound of M&M’s®…that’s Pisces’ and Cancer’s job. You’ve got fires to light…so get out of your bat cave and explore the possibilities!
Capricorn, since you’re usually so focused on your long-term goals, I’m going to talk about something this month that has been happening to you behind the scenes – for a long time now. Pluto has been in your solar 1st house of self and let’s just say that whatever Pluto touches it transforms. Completely! It’s a slooooow moving planet so that means it has been, and is going to be, in your solar 1st house for a long time. As in years…(cue finger violin.) If you were born in the early days of Capricorn until about mid-Capricorn, then this has already been transforming you. The good news is you will not be the same person you were before this Pluto transit. The bad news is, you will not be the same person you were… Kapeesh? Like I said, it’s something that has been happening to you slowly, but surely. Pluto likes to remove what’s not working for you, but whatever it removes is always for your highest good. He comes, he slices open, he transforms, and then he moves along. Kind of like surgery, just without the loopy anesthesia (that’s where Neptune comes in.) It’s not scary I promise, but also why carry around all that extra baggage anyway when you don’t need to? Even Vegas-based Allegiant Air is going to start charging for extra carry-on bags soon! What do they think, money grows on trees? The chutzpah! Moral of story, you will be fine…just let go and let the new you evolve naturally.
Aquarius, Venus (love and money) just moved into your solar 5th house of romance and fun! It’s also transiting through Gemini, which is an air sign just like you. So the mental stimulation that you crave in relationships will be coming to a theater near you. Really, did she have to go there? (You’re thinking, I actually thought she was kinda cool before that statement.) But anyway, yes, Venus will be cozying up to the transiting north node which means (for all those who do not have their Astrological dictionary handy) that old and new flames could be coming by to say, “Shalom.” And since it’s in Gemini, they may be talking to you for a while…non-stop…chit chatting…about anything…and everything. Prepare the earplugs if you must, but let’s see what they have to say for themselves first. It’s worth it, you never know…this could be the real deal…or at the very least, it makes for a great Facebook status. Either way, please keep us informed. “Like.”
Pisces, on April 14th transiting Mars will finally go direct and it’s in your solar 7th house of relationships. This means that your motivation and drive will be focused more closely on this subject. Well, that’s a good thing considering that’s what you’re all here for anyway, right? Good! “All systems go” after this date. Please proceed to the nearest JDate mixer, but…still proceed cautiously. Most of you have transiting Neptune conjuncting your natal sun. With this transit anything can happen. But the most probable one is that you don’t see what’s actually in front of you. For better or worse…it can go both ways. It’s a good idea to consult your fellow earth signs before committing to something/someone long-term. Make sure your friends and family see what you see in them too. Just saving you time and energy that you don’t need to be going down the drain. You’re just too sensitive for that anyway. You know what I mean…or at least, I hope. If not, smile and nod, and I’ll see you back here next month. Toodles.