Comments on: Do You Follow The Rules?

By: A-Guy

A-Guy — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:36:52 +0000

From a guy’s perspective…
Men will contact the most attractive, sexy, hot profiles we see..
for the average women, as great as they may be, their best chances are to contact the guy first! or they’ll simply won’t get noticed at all.
I skim/skip over profiles in about 5 seconds based on pics first, and if the woman is not attractive there’s no chance of me EVER contacting her as great as she may be.

As for the whole calling/not calling back thing.. forget it, if a woman can’t show interest than why should I, got no time for games these days.
Either you are in or in the way!

By: Quinn

Quinn — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 16:20:34 +0000

Read above.[James's take]. The most perfect reason to do the Rules!

What they’ll do is weed out a guy who has you 5th on his list of priorities and fills in his “extra time” with a girl who treats herself as an accessory to a man’s very full life.

Anti-feminist? I think not.

It allows women to find a man who has their same goal. If you want a ‘sometimes date’ and not a relationship (as above) then be that “good for now girl”. If you’re looking for someone who wants something deeper – say someone who wants to get married and is looking for that right now- then the Rules will help you find THAT guy.

As the guy above pointed out,a guy who just wants you as a 5th priority in his life, AFTER his gym work out if that tells you where you stand, isn’t going to pursue any woman. Perfect proof that the Rules work. When doing the Rules > this type of man doesn’t want you, and you don’t want him. Exactly how it should work. He’s avoided a girl who isn’t like-minded, and you have not pursued a man who is not able to give you what you want. (BTW not faulting James in any way, hes just clearly doesn’t have marriage on his radar yet. Nothing wrong with that. But the Rules will help him find a girl who suits him and a woman who does want marriage avoid him. Its a win-win).

As for trickery, as someone else said, you can’t trick someone into treating you with respect or falling in love with you no matter what you do. They either do or they don’t. The Rules aren’t a way to fabricate what isn’t there; they are a way to reveal what isn’t there in the most gentle way possible for both women AND men. Again, its a win-win.

By: James

James — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 16:30:08 +0000

I am a man, and I think many of the ‘rules’ are counter-productive. If I call a woman and she doesn’t call back, I assume one of three things: she didn’t get the voicemail (due to technician glitches, not all voicemails, emails, or text messages get delivered), she is just not interested, or she’s trying to use ‘scarcity’ tactics to try to appear less interested or more valuable. I test to find out which of the three scenarios it is by leaving one more voicemail, email, or text message. If she still doesn’t respond, I assume she’s either not interested or using ‘scarcity’/playing games. I respect myself, have a busy schedule and a lot of responsibilities. I don’t waste time with women who play games, and I also live in reality. A guy who keeps calling and emailing even if the woman doesn’t return the calls…..is a desperate stalker. A woman who doesn’t return calls is rude. Women: Be clear about what you want and don’t want. If he calls and you’re not interested, show a little respect and respond with a call, email, voicemail, or text that simply says, “I received your message, and I am not interested in dating you, but thank you nonetheless.” If you are interested in the guy, show some respect, and respond with, “I can meet at x time/ date or x time/date. If the guy is asking to meet you very last minute, consider that he might have had some time in his schedule free up at the last minute. Don’t follow some silly rule that says he has to schedule dates so many days in advance. I travel all over the US with my job. I frequently encounter flight delays and occasionally flight cancellations. When I am working locally or out of the area, sometimes my meetings with customers run short, sometimes they run long. I’m not going to make a week-night date with a woman if I think I might have to break it off due to a meeting with a customer going long. Likewise, I am not going to let the extra time that is available when I get my work done early go to waste. If I’ve already done my gym workout for the day and I’m caught up on everything else I need to do, I’m going to call one of the many women who have given me their numbers that week, and ask them to meet up with me, and it might be very last minute. If I make more than a few attempts with securing a date with a woman, I am going to delete her number and move on to the next woman. When I find the right one, and only after I have dated her long enough to know she’s the right one, I’ll start blocking out time well in advance to see her. Until then, my priorities are career, fitness, friends and family….and if there is extra time, a date here or there with a woman who doesn’t play games.

By: nkamo

nkamo — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:49:42 +0000

I suggest we women should concentrate more on our lives and stop fretting about men who don’t deserve us. We are better off with none than with slimy badgers. Ladies, let’s Follow The Rules for our hearts’ sake!

By: Marshall

Marshall — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 11:49:11 +0000

These two will ensure that many Jdaters will stay Jdaters for life.

By: KatHeide

KatHeide — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 05:42:34 +0000

I think it is interesting that men and women become incensed at The Rules. It actually demonstrates to me how insecure the critics are, meaning they are afraid they will be ‘tricked’ as if anyone can REALLY be tricked about love, or that they haven’t actually read the book in its entirety.

The Rules merely says don’t bore people with every detail of your life too soon, don’t chase people who are not attracted to you, don’t sleep with people who don’t cherish you, and let men value you by not chasing them.

I have approached relationships both ways, being the great girlfriend who was out there, caring and open, willing to do anything for the guy, OR begin kind and nice but a bit aloof, not returning calls as much and getting really really busy in my own life.

100% of the time, when I am more focused on maintaining The Rules, having a busy fulfilling life, and not hanging on some guy’s every move, I am treated better, and HE IS HAPPIER. He can feel that he is with a girl who has grace and dignity and her own interests.

As I said, you can’t fake love and attraction, so there is no deception in The Rules.

And by the way guys, if you were REALLY honest with yourself, there is a girl you know right now, who is not all open and desperate and even steven dutch treat. And she holds herself a little above the fray. And secretly you wish you knew her better, because she is a little different than the girl who blathers on and on and doesn’t really seem to have much going on but her interest in you.

By: Carl

Carl — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 17:16:26 +0000

… these “rules”, in my opinion, are very old-fashioned, inflexible, overly general … they imply that the women are “prey” to be chased, that men and women are not equals, in various areas, and lots of “if you do this, this will happen” …

By: Haj

Haj — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 00:39:32 +0000

The first reaction to “the rules” these days is how anti-feminist they are.

How did all these women forget about the “FEM” in “feminism”??!!
It’s like they consider themselves feminists because they initiate and pursue men. Being a feminist doesn’t mean being aggressive. (Which, in the realm of dating… that’s how one is aggressive.)
Feminist dating would definitely look more like the woman being the chase-ee and not the chase-er. How is asking a guy out who may or may not be interested, at all a feminist concept? It shows how little you care to understand that even with equal rights in society and the workplace, there is actually a difference between men and women.
Think of men. Seriously. Think of men… And don’t kid yourself. If he’s not busy, he’ll go out and do something with you, whether or not he’s truly into you. The more you aggressively pursue, he may be flattered at first but that will eventually wear off. He’ll more than likely dump you for the one who he’s truly interested in, and is a challenge. NOTE: The more work and effort and emotion you put into it, ladies, the more devastated you’ll be.
If a man thinks it’s pain in the assy that you’re not an easy date, that says more about him than you. To say a “wonderful man” said you were “rude, inconsiderate and full of myself” after only TWO WEEKS?? I don’t doubt he had a great profile, but he was no “wonderful man”. (Maria- May 18th comment.)

To say it’s manipulative to not dive bomb a man for a relationship just because you like his stupid, fabricated, online dating profile, is ignorant.

Dating isn’t a blast… but following “the rules” actually makes it more fun, less frustrating, and less pressure all around.

PS- In response to everyone giving The Rules authors crap about divorce… their advice is about dating, not marriage. Marriage is a whole ‘nother can of worms.

By: t

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 18:02:51 +0000

if every woman followed the rules…
guys will treat wt more respect

less unwanted pregnancies(and guys taking off on them)

no bs games,women will be more busy and not stressing over guys who werent interested.

there are couple of guys who are always asking me when are we going to hang out,…needless to say,we don’t..because i follow the rules and if they are not asking me out..then i KNOW they are not real all that interested

By: t

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 16:57:22 +0000

I think the rules book is great.fact of it is,guys do act a certain way..yes,they go with games,YES they get scared off if you show too much interest.Be casual,and what not,the less you seem to care,they come around more…trust me,it works