Why Didn’t My Amazing Date Ever Call?
Dear Rabbi Singer,
I recently went out on a first date that lasted till 3 am. We had soooo much to talk about and share. Now it’s 8 days later and I haven’t heard a peep from him, although I see that he’s still active on JDate. Any ideas why this happens? I think it’s quite common.
-Why The Silence?
Saying that your situation is quite common is the understatement of the century! I don’t know if there are official statistics, but I would guess that at least one out of four first dates results in the woman feeling dazed and confused. Did anyone get the license plate of that hit and run?!
The real, and most helpful, answer to your query is this: it doesn’t really matter why it happened. The fact is that it did happen and it should now be clear to you that this guy is not interested in dating you. In other words, it’s time for you to move on and stop wasting your precious time and emotional energy struggling to accomplish the impossible. And what if you do figure it out, then what? Will anything change? You’ll still be single and he’ll still be unavailable. So why bother with this mental and emotional exercise in futility?
I know, you’re still trying to figure out why he seemed so into you on the date but then never called, so here are some possible reasons that will hopefully give you some measure of closure and allow you to move onwards and upwards:
1. He loved talking to you but wasn’t attracted to you romantically (maybe he’s into really ugly women).
2. He’s interested in someone else that he met before or after your date.
3. He’s more interested in the flirting game than in actually dating.
4. He enjoyed the conversation but just didn’t feel that you were right for him (I’m sure you’ve felt that way too).
I could go on creating possible reasons for why a guy might enjoy your company but not want to date you, but does it really matter? The only thing that matters right now is for you to throw this guy out of your brain and find a guy who does want to see you again and again.
To ask Rabbi Singer a question, email firstname.lastname@example.org.