Still Hot, Why Not?
Do We Like Being Dominated?
Fifty Shades of Grey has now sold more than 10 million copies worldwide. In this book trilogy, an innocent college grad named Anastasia comes under the sway of a brilliant, handsome billionaire named Christian. Christian wants to dominate Anastasia and she slowly becomes his sexual slave. (If he’d been named “Jewish,” I wonder…).
Debate about this dominant/submissive relationship is de rigueur in book clubs, health clubs, and back tables at Bar Mitzvahs, where women ask, “Do you secretly want to get handcuffed and smacked upside the tush with a leather crop?”
I would like to address this question from the viewpoint of a woman in mid-life.
My response is: Yes, we do like being dominated. After a nap.
Talk Shades of Grey to a woman my age, and she thinks: hair. Sure, back in the day we were innocent girls, easily swayed by strong, charismatic men with eyes that drilled into our kishke. Now, we are seasoned women with busy schedules and ankles that don’t look that great in cuffs. Can we find a man who still dances without checking his heart monitor? That is a more pressing question than: Can he ride into the bedroom on a stallion?
Moreover, many men our age have trouble with the male function that rhymes with correction. They need to take a blue pill that rhymes with Niagara, and if you don’t know what I mean by now, you are probably not well enough to use a whip.
Then there are the names. Irving, Bernie, Larry, Herbert and Harvey do not conjure images of sexual conquering. Have you ever tried yelling “Herb! Herb!” during sex? I personally can never remember whether to say the “H.” This can lead to a stampede of oregano and dill between the sheets.
And, finally, there is the entire question of being hardy enough for rough athletic sex. Being bent into crazy positions is not so thrilling when you have arthritis. Being chained to the wall is not so exciting when you need to go to the bathroom. Making the whole bedroom shake is not so stimulating when you’re worried about your front teeth staying put.
Christian, to us, would probably be anathema. We prefer a more sensuous, tender embrace, which is not to say we don’t like strong. At this age, we know our stuff, and our stuffing. We are more superb in bed now than ever. And to answer that question that all you guys are asking: No, it’s not grey.